eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Louis couldn't blame Josiah, he wasn't better than him after all. He'd always care about him and all he did, he did for his friend, even if he didn't see it. Louis didn't do it for fame, or thanks, or because he wanted Josiah to rely on him like he always did. He didn't want anything in return, nor did he want favors, he simply wanted his best friend to be save, alive and possibly out of this place. If he wanted to, he could earn money on his own, just doing his act and selling tickets to a one man show. Then again, he was too nice and would do his performances free of charge, then beg for food. Well, he was nice enough to be gifted something by strangers. His blue eyes lay on his friend and he knew that they'd never come to an agreement. They both wanted to protect each other and worry for the others safety. As long as Louis couldn't tell Josiah that it was too late for him to save his friend, he wouldn't stop trying getting the old Lou back. "I can't.", he simply said.

"If they try. I can't leave that decision to them. They have to.", Louis answered, knowing fully well that this went absolutely nowhere. Josiah was laughing and joking, but Louis couldn't laugh about any of this. He was kind of glad to spend some time with Josiah and it felt nostalgic to be in this wagon, while trying to hold each other in place. With a guy that could just dislocate all his joints it was hard though, it had always been and Louis could only keep up by being slightly stronger and flexible too. "You don't know what's at stake...", he continued. "And everyone in this world needs to work to survive, this place is only supposed to be fun to customers." Like a snake Josiah pulled out of Louis' touch and wrapped around him like he was going to be his next meal. "It isn't an act.", he answered regarding his smiles during the days when the circus was open to the public. Louis wasn't sure if he was up for games tonight though. Josiah was still a child, of course he didn't understand and yet, he didn't want to hurt his feelings and shut him down completely. Louis put his hands on the arm that lay around him and simply leaned back. He noticed the scars the fire also left on his friend. "I dunno... draw me a new one...?"

In times of sadness, having a smile and infectious laughter was important. However, currently, it was anything but that - Josiahs emotions fluctuated and he wasn’t sure what of this was just an act and what wasn’t; how much he could do for his friend and what little there was he simply could not. Would it suffice to make him giggle, or was it more than enough to turn him into a slightly humorous pile of something? As Josiah wondered about that, his own act was still a questionable one, but even then, no matter what, he wasn’t making any real progress anyway, not like this at least. “Why not? You’re not locked up like Constanze, not that that ever stopped her, but at the same time, it’s not like you’re a prisoner in chains, or a tied up dog.”, Josiah mumbled, his expression seemingly glum at the simple thought of an imprisoned animal. If anything, humans were doing too much for too little, but … that was hardly the case here. Louis was the one that could call himself something like the ringmasters right hand man, as Josiah had shirked any and all responsibilities for years, at least when it came down to the harder things in life - maths was his strong suit, so were finances, but only if he had a set budget to spend.

“You’re starting to sound like an old hag. They don’t have to do anything, at worst, they’ll have to find a new place to live, and that’s that.”, he sighed. When would this guy understand that life went on after something happened? Apparently never, but he also couldn’t judge Louis - one of them had to view everything with a tinge of realism and not idealism, much like Jos did, and therefore, he begrudgingly accepted defeat in the matter, no longer willing to argue. “What’s at stake, then? Our jobs?” After all, it was all they had and letting a performer sleep outside in the dirt wasn’t something either of them wanted to hear, or would even consider - the ringmaster wasn’t cruel, he was resourceful, and having someone sleep on the cold, hard ground definitely wasn’t good for his resources, if he considered his performers to he among them. “So you aren’t smiling at me becauseeeee? Don’t you like me anymore?” Like a safety net, he caught Louis up in his arms, holding him up as if that’s where his bed ended and Lou was simply leaning against it. Now, without that nose, however, Louis was looking not much different - and Jos sighed. “Art? I’m not good at that, guess you’ll have to sleep without one tonight, but we can get it back in the morning. Hm?”

All of the things Josiah claimed didn't fit to Louis situation, he thought sounded true. He felt locked up, like a prisoner, or even dog. Half of the people here weren't free, they just didn't know it. Again Louis couldn't say anything to that matter, he left the topic be and Josiah his opinion. There was many things Louis couldn't even explain to himself, but he had a general idea of the reasons why he couldn't tell Josiah certain things and why his personality shifted at times. He didn't know nearly enough however and with having lost the ability to sneak into town from time to time, he had no hope of finding any answers anytime soon. He couldn't ask around, nor could he buy any books that might have helped him. The people that might have been able to answer him didn't come to a place like this either. He wasn't even sure if they physcially were able to. Priests and such. Josiah and him didn't grow up knowing who god was or why a big guy in the clouds would be important to anyone, but now Louis wondered if priests had answers for him.

"You are the most naiv person I've ever met..." Louis sighed annoyed and while he couldn't tell Josiah any specifics, nor could he tell him why he was wrong, he could open up another can of worms. "Not a single on of them is rich, they'll always have to do something to stay alive. Do you think only because they are children, people all over the place gift them things and smile at them? No. When we were younger we couldn't imagine that, but we've sneaked out together and seen what is out there, right? How can you believe that finding a new place would be easy for them? How can you believe they wouldn't need to do stuff in order to survive? Isn't that why we started to bring them here? But this is no paradise either, nor is it a playground for them. They have a warm bed, they have enough food, but in order to keep all that, they have to do their part and I'm not asking too much of them. It's not me who decides who has to go in the first place, nor am I judging their performance. The ringmaster does." He sighed again and furrowed his brows. "I'm not talking about us here." Josiah always did his part without issue, there was nothing to worry about and Louis worked more than anyone else. Josiah kept digging and Louis felt trapped. "I didn't say that. I... I simply have a lot on my mind. If you want a smile, come back in twelve hours from now, when we open the gate..." Josiah rarely came to talk to him during opening hours. Louis sighed and read between the lines, then he nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should go to sleep..." With that he pulled out of Josiahs hug, or whatever it was, to be able to pull the blanket out from under them. Then he sat back down on the small, but very soft bed. He pulled the blanket over their legs at least and blew out the candle.

None of this was enough - neither one of them was enough, and in fact, none of these explanations were enough for him either. If anything, Josiah had more questions than answers now, and all of them were scalding hot, burning into his tongue as he clicked it and asked himself if both of them had, at some point in their lives, considered that two goats had birthed them instead of a set of human parents - they were equally as stubborn as those things, butting heads over everything, and while Lou seemed to know more than he let on, Josiah was the one that was left tapping in the dark. As sweet as it seemed that he was promised some sort of answer, as disappointing was it to hear whatever non-answer it was, and - in the end - decide that it wasn't going to suffice. "And you are the most stubborn person I ever met. We both are, actually." But whatever, he figured, as he scoffed and slinked back down into bed, with the blanket soon draped over him. Jos grabbed his rather large pillow and shoved it over to his bunkmate, in a futile attempt of making him take it, before he grabbed the second one for himself - few changes happened around these parts, he reckoned, and tossing out extra pillows was hardly ever happening.

"Sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite.", Josiah mumbled and turned over isntead. There was no need for the two of them to fight over stupid stuff like this again; it was too late and they needed to be rested for tomorrow, or at least the day after tomorrow - Arthur had to prove his worth, Louis had to be the babysitter for a bunch of kids and Josiah had to be the one that, somehow, some way, was unaffected by all of this, all smiles and loving adoration, as he always had been, because nothing bad ever happened in life. Why was he a contortionist and not a clown? That would fit him more, he figured, but it'd also leave Lou without a job, given he could even replace him - be like him, great and grand and mesmerizing and unbelievably astounding. Just as he was thinking about it, taking it in and deciding that it belonged to the furthest depths of his brain, he turned, his eyes fixated on Louis instead, who perhaps wasn't asleep just yet. "Actually, something's bugging you, isn't it? I wish I could help you, but you don't want to tell me ... do you? Or can't you?", he whispered under his own breath. "What are you going to do tomorrow? Same as always?"

Josiah was angry at Louis and while he sometimes tried to make exactly that happen, it didn't help. He'd still care for his friend and wouldn't just leave him alone and he also wouldn't just leave this place without him. Upset at he was Josiah tossed himself into bed and shoved a pillow Louis' way. They never fought like that when they were younger. They bickered, ate away their sweets sometimes to intentionally cause some trouble and then resolved it with a pillow fight, that was all. Being grown up kind of sucked and Louis understood why Josiah wanted to protect those children from the harsh reality as long as he could, but that wish didn't make the world any easier or nicer. Louis grabbed the pillow and put it down. Before laying down next to his friend he blew out the candle, so that only the moon illuminated the interior of Josiahs wagon. Only then did Louis lean back. He grabbed the blanket, not wanting to yank it away from Josiah and got under it as well. Why was he even still here and not in his own bed?

Josiah soon presented his back to Louis, why the clown lay on his back, looking at the ceiling and trying to be as quiet as he could be, as if him breathing could disturb his friend. He was wide awake, but so was Josiah who eventually couldn't keep quiet any longer and turned towards Louis again. The clown didn't move, he simply moved his eyes to look at his friend. "I can't talk about it...", he mumbled. He was trying to, but not very successfully. He could only dance around the bush, he couldn't tell it to Josiah straight, it was frustrating. "Tomorrow...? Show Arthur around... I assume he can count... put him to work during opening hours helping with food and tickets. In the morning when there is time I'm trying to find an act for him. Even if you want to train him, he needs something he can do sooner than that. Finding some clothes for him, getting his face ready... and when we're open I'm busy anyway." He wasn't sure why Josiah was asking, probably because of Arthur. Louis looked at the ceiling again. "Does it feel different lying here with me...? Different than years ago...?"

Jos wanted to sleep, for one, but for the other, he'd be content with simply falling out of the rafter right now. If he were to fall asleep, at any given point, he'd probably have to set himself straight for it, and yet, he simply could not help it. Was it because both of them had changed so much, or was it because neither of them wanted to admit that they had changed so much more than they should? Figurately, maybe Lou was right - maybe they both were too much for each other, or too adult to still hang around each other, but in any way, they didn't need to seriously consider breaking it off with one another, or did they now? As it stood, there was not a single moment of respite in their lives and as pent-up frustration went, none of this was any fun to experience, not here, not now, not even for the last five minutes. "Cat's got your tongue, I get it. I won't ask again, but it's annoying.", he grumbled. This was getting assinine even, to the point where he seriously had to ask himself if he was doing this for the greater good or just being completely erratic for no reason at all.

None of their labor bore any particular fruit if he thought about it, and as many souls and children as they led astray, as many times did he never stop to think if what he did was the right or the wrong choice. Josiah exhaled and sighed deeply as he did, seemingly swept away by waves of either nostalgia or sadness, and closed his eyes, mismatched from the very start, much like the color of his hair. "Open and busy ... as always.", he murmured as he stuffed his own pillow below his head, tucking his hands beneath it. The apple had tasted wondrous, no doubt about it, much like their shared candy in younger years, but now it felt much like a stone, weighing him down and dragging him toward the once soft matress that he'd spent way too many agonizing, lonely nights sleeping on. How long until he'd wake and would find himself, sunken into this beast, beneath creaking floorboardsand below the earth they simply had let their stampede run over? "Not much different. You're here, that matters, that was all that ever mattered before as well, no?", he continued on as more and more questions hit his already deafened eardrums - between those sincere words, all he could hear was incessant, unloving clapping and a wanton need to prove himself to those who'd never listen to him anyway. Humans or vultures, little did it matter. "It was ... not the same back then. It was ... different, but we also ... were kids ... you know?" Josiah yawned. "Things change and all that ..."

Josiah was angry and annoyed with Louis, wasn't he? It was understandable, but there was nothing much he could do to change that. He wasn't arguing with him because it was so much fun and he didn't tell him everything because it was none of his business, all that wasn't the case. "It's not like I don't want to tell you... I mean sometimes I think it's better if you don't know, but I don't want to be alone with it either... but I can't tell you." This answer was cryptic at best and not what his friend wanted to hear at all, yet there was nothing Louis could do about it. Sometimes Louis wanted to be selfish, sometimes he wanted to protect Josiah, but either way the result would always be the same. How long could they even continue living like this? What if Josiah actually hurt himself? What if there was another accident? Another fire? Would Josiah get time off to recover if he was hurt? Like Louis did? He wasn't even sure if that was a good option...

"You sound like it bothers you...", Louis explained. He wasn't even sure what Josiah did with most of his day. He didn't train the whole day after all and there was only so much work for him to do here. Maybe Louis should just let him sleep. The bed was small and if Josiah wanted to, he could have kicked Louis over the edge easily. Josiahs bane was the fact that he was squeezed in between Louis and the wall in turn. A tiny breeze hit Louis face from the window, that never had shut properly. Sometimes during bad wheather they had stuffed a pillow in front so the wind wasn't bothering them and no rain was finding its way inside. "I know I've changed, but I mean... if you close your eyes and just lie here, no matter what was said today, or the days before, do you... do you still feel save?" Louis turned his head towards his friend, trying to gauge a reaction albeit barely seeing him in the darkness of the night.

The murmurs and whispers of his friend were hard to drown out when it was all he could focus on. Josiah knew that Lous voice would stick with him, stay with him and make him feel plenty of different things, but time and time again, there were moments where he had to swallow a bitter pill and realize that neither of them had been kids in a while; they were adults now, and as much as he had wished he'd grow up years ago, he now wished he never did, or maybe that Louis never did. Whatever the case, it was a race for something that neither of them could achieve, not tonight, not here, not now, and not at any point in time in which one of them would find himself trapped between what seemed to be eons of misunderstandings in their heads. "Just ... forget about it. I didn't ask, I don't need to know. If I want to figure it out, I'll ask you at some point, when I can ... actually get an answer out of you.", he grumbled, getting seemingly more frustrated, either by the lack of a certain answer, or perhaps even the lack of sleep that he couldn't find himself, now that he had a lousy bunkmate that kept running his mouth. Should he kick Lou out? No, this had been his idea, even if he now shirked it and furrowed his brows - no wonder they never did that anymore.

"It does, but it's not like you can do anything about it, so lets just forget it.", he sighed, the slightest whiff of pain in his voice - he wasn't in physical pain, he almost never was, but when it came to emotions, Jos had never been someone that was able to fool anyone. Keeping a straight face, for a perfomance, well, that was easy, and even falling and hurting himself if he did not manage to do something never really hurt, no, but in turn, this did. For now, he figured, it was fine if they hated each others guts, for fucks sake, it would be fine if they just went out of each others ways, but even then ... he was making too much of a scene out of this. Whatever. The wind howled, stole Lous voice and mixed some whispers within, but the message was clear. "I guess? But ... ugh. Yes, I still feel safe. Why are you concerned about that now?", Josiah wondered aloud, but his tensed up shoulders went slack and he just buried his face in his pillow instead, avoiding any and all awkward eye contact in the first place; he didn't want to open them and look back at someone elses face, and he also definitely wasn't in the mood for more cof this. "Lets just sleep."

Everything Louis did he did for Josiah and the childrens sake, even if his friend couldn't see that. Josiah rarely was upset, but now he was and Louis deemed it better to just shut up. He could keep promising him that he'd tell him if he could, that he wanted to, but his friend would never understand that it wasn't a choice Louis made, not at all. How could he? None of this made sense and that was also why Louis thought staying away from him was the better choice. Still, even though he was angry and frustrated, Josiah would never abonden Louis and that went both ways. He knew that, even though he didn't want it to be true. If he could have, maybe he would have written down what was going on, drawn it, danced it for Josiah to understand, but none of it worked. He tried, very hard, the first thing he did when being released from the ringmasters care was running towards Josiah. He wanted to tell him everything, but there was not a single word leaving his mouth up until this day too.

He didn't understand why Josiah was bothered by Louis schedule for tomorrow however. Maybe at this point he just wanted to be mad for the sake of it. "Is this about the kid...?", he asked. He was lost and it was the only thing that came to mind. Josiah was probably thinking he'd be too mean an too harsh to him tomorrow and he was upset that he didn't give him a day to settle in first. Why was he so worked up about this all of a sudden? The other things Louis understood, but why would have tomorrow been a different day than usual? "I mean it... I want you to close your eyes and listen to your gut... I..." Maybe Josiah was right and Louis couldn't tell him his reasoning anyway, there was no point in this, but to further upset his friend. "Sorry. You're right. Sleep well..." With this Louis turned on his side, with his back to Josiah. "I can go if you want..."

Was he mad for the sake of being mad? Whatever. No, he was not, he'd never be, he wasn't that type of petty, he figured, but maybe he was, simply because he could be and potentially because life was being needlessly mean to him and the only constant in his life he'd had when he grew up, at least that shared his age. Was this going to amount to anything when he was done? No, Jos was simply throwing a tantrum now, he realized it soon enough, and was seemingly even more childish than before. This all culminated in something eventually, be it years down the road or further into the night, but he didn't want to hurt the only friend he'd ever had, even though he had to admit that said friend wasn't much more than that. The only thing he ever had, huh? "No, this isn't about Arthur - just be nice to him tomorrow and now shush, you're being noisy.", he garbled together and hit his head against his pillow to make Lou understand that, well yes, he wanted some peace and silence as well, just every once in a while, it didn't need to mean a thing to either of them and it did not need to happen anytime soon, not with either of them; they both were adult enough to just ignore underlying issues, but this catfight happened regardless of that.

"My eyes are closed. My gut says the apple was good but it wasn't a smart idea to eat it this late, now that I'm trying to sleep. My gut's also saying that Louis needs to pipe it down, because my brains mad at him but I'm otherwise very relaxed and calm around him. Okay?" One grunt more and he finally got himself to shut up, burying his face deep within the plucked feathers that made up his pillow. A groan escaped him as he reached out to take one of Lous hand into his own. "I never said that. Stop being mean to yourself. You upset me, but you also asked me to not talk about it tonight and I did anyway." Now, he was being the bigger person, like he had to be with the kids, and maybe this was nothing different - maybe, just maybe, Louis was still a kid to him, in his naive way of thinking where he dictated himself to be a kid in some way as well. Jos, at least, was still upset to a fault, but even then, this was leading nowhere. "You can't tell me. It's fine. I'll figure it out. And now just ... stop. I don't hate you for it, I don't think any less of you. Yes, I feel safe when I am around you and yes, I'm not saying that just to get you off my back. I want you here tonight, and now, please sleep well, or I'll actually get a headache and you don't want me to be grumpy tomorrow, of all people. At least being a kid was easier than this, and now, sleep. Please. And do it well.", the blonde mumbled and turned over, his back facing Lou.

Josiah didn't tell Louis everything either, but he knew better than to ask him again now. His friend wanted to sleep and be slightly upset it seemed. He also wasn't as serious about Louis' question as he hoped he'd be, but whatever the case, he let it be. He didn't come here to fight and he wss sure Josiah didn't want to either. Once they both lay back to back in the tine bed, Louis closed his eyes, but he wasn't able to sleep, he knew that. He could have the most exhausting of days and still, especially after todays topics, his mind couldn't find rest. He was moving as close to the edge as possible, so Josiah had enough space in his own bed. One of Louis' arms hung out the side. He listened to Josiahs breathing which grew heavier with time. It was weird being here and it felt loud, compared to his own bed in his own wagon. In a way he couldn't wait for it to become morning, so he could sneak out of here and get to work.

In the end Louis didn't sleep much. Maybe he dozed off here and there but that was all he managed that night. He lay awake while it was still dark and as soon as he could see the sun creeping up and illuminating the interior, he quietly got out of bed. He slipped into his boots, took the rest of his apple from yesterday and snuk out, closing the door as quietly as possible behind himself. His first stop was his own wagon in which he got into different clothes. He threw the apple away on the way, then went to wash his face. Next he went into the big tent, preparing a few things, until he thought it was late enough to get Arthur who undoubtedly was brought along to eat breakfast with the others. They didn't have a wagon with a dinner table, sometimes not even a tent when the weather allowed it, they simply had a big table with some benches outside in the back of the grounds which people used to gather and eat. It was close to the cages actually. There wasn't anything more but bread for breakfast, sometimes the older people got some eggs. They had a few chicken along the actual circus animals, but not enough to feed everyone and sometimes older hens ended up as lion food. Louis spotted Arthut a bit away from said table, closer to the animals. He just stood at the edge of their cages and looked at seemingly nothing, mumbling to himself. "What are you doing?", Louis asked when he approached him and Arthur turned around a bit startled. "Just talking." "To whom?", Louis asked confused, but then remembered that he didn't really care. "Doesn't matter, come on. You've eaten, right? We've got some work to do as long as the tent is unoccupied." He waved Arthut to follow him. "Josiah might want to train you himself, but until you can do what he does, you need another performance." "I'm not very good at... anything." "I know, I saw that. But you're good at following directions, yes?" "Yes?" "And you don't talk back." "Yes." "And you can swallow down your fear for the time being." "...Yes...?" "Good, put this on." Once in the tent Louis tossed Arthur a kind of harness he could almost wear like pants.

And thus, that had happened. Josiah was one of many that grew up here but one of few that survived - the natural selection of the worlds best performer wasn‘t always the nicest, quickest or easiest in any way, but even when push came to shove and he wound up with a difficult decision placed right in front of him, he‘d found a way out. Not this time, though, and all that was left of a silly mount of glory in his voice were tired words as he slipped into a slumber for the night, not particularly deep, but at the very least relaxing - it wasn‘t taxing, hell, it wasn‘t even so much so as annoying to him, but even now, Jos had to admit that he never really felt a sense of belonging here when he was younger. Back then, he’d dreamed of sneaking away and running off, looking for his parents and becoming more than someones saturday crush at a circus, and yet, all that had long since been forgotten, as he’d grown into a role he’d barely envisioned himself in before and now, as he had grown into it, he suffered the consequences. Were they bitter? Who wouldn't be, all things considered. Josiah just felt stupid about it, given everything, and yet ... yet, he couldn't fathom what a live without someone like Louis by his side would be like - he belonged here, and Louis did, too; without him, it wouldn't be as much fun.

As morning came and crept within their field of vision through the blinds, Josiah wasn't so sure about his anger anymore. It had manifested yesterday, late at night, and even then, had led nowhere. Not a moment of respite had been given to him and not a moment of acknowledgement had ever been his, but even then, he realized, what did it matter? As he was tossing around his bed, he found it empty, deserted of all contents, lackluster and ... Louis was missing, had long gotten up before him, and the contortionist simply sighed as he was changing his clothing partly, deciding to take his well-deserved ... shower now, well aware that he had other things to prep for. Maybe, he figured, today would be a day he could sufficently live through, one where he could crack the nut that his best friend had become, or maybe it was just a simple recollection of days past. All he heard, half-dressed with his bare chest exposed and a towel pressed to his ribcage, was the morning commotion as various people got up and went about their day. Oh, what would he give to be blissfully ignorant of what had happened yesterday, too. Just from the corner of his eye, he thought he'd seen Louis with Arthur ... or had he? None the wiser, Arthur was the one that looked at the harness, perhaps with a sense of guilt, or potentially with no idea what to do - he knew some things, but not how to ... put this on. The foreign contraption, of sorts, didn't reveal it's inner machinisms to him at all, but he relented, buckling it apart carefully and slipping in, then making sure it fit him just fine. What was this for? Almost expectantly, he looked at Louis, maybe much like a lost kitten would. "I'm all done.", Arthur sheepishly announced. "What now?"

Arthur was smart, Louis could see that in his curious eyes that looked at everything here, not because it sparkled, but because he was interested in the workings of all the lights, banners and other contraptions that, would come evening, enthrall everyone that sat foot into the big circus tent. Louis wondered if he'd even seen a show before, but he could hardly remember every face he saw. Right now the tent looked rather unspectacular. There were flaps opened to let some daylight in, it wasn't dark, or sparkling and some things that were hidden by shadow during their shows, now lay there open to see. All the mechanics, the ropes and changes didn't look that majestic now. There was even a net spanning over their heads which usually was there during training to catch anyone doing a mistake. For the shows they got rid of it, unless they paraded a new member around. Louis waited for Arthur to figure out how to put the harness on. It sat like pants, but consisted of mostly belts. Louis quickly got on his knees in front of the child, pulling on the straps to make sure it sat tight.

When he stood up, he waved Arthur to follow him to one of the beams holding the tent in place. It also had multiple platforms on top, some held other contraptions and mirrors to focus the light inside the tent. Louis jumped a bit to get a dangling rope that hang down. He implored Arthur to turn around, then secured the rope on the harness and pulled on it a few times to make sure his knot held. "Now you climb up there.", he finally explained, holding the other end of the rope that led all the way up and then down again. "I'll hold this, even if you slip, nothing will happen. If you do, just make sure not to bang your face against the beam and hold your feet out to keep some distance." With that said he pointed at the beam which could be used as a ladder easily. While Arthur was digesting what Louis wanted of him, Louis led the rope over some handles so it was easier for him to hold the boys weight, but he probably weighed at least double of him, so he didnt have any worries of dropping him.

Arthur wasn’t so sure about, well, all of this. Being a clown was maybe an idea, and something like juggling balls he’d learn - or maybe some neat tricks like the other kids, where they had pulled a coin out from behind his ear this morning while they’d chuckled and mumbled at breakfast. Naturally, he had expected something similar, something … steadfast, something he just needed to practice to perfect, but instead, he found himself here, someplace much darker than anticipated. Even with the opened flaps, the tent had an uneasy atmosphere about it, but Arthur was simply chalking it up to the fact that he wasn’t used to such a sight; tents like these were filled with people and their laughter, but instead, it stood there almost deserted, with just him an Louis inside. One more pull and the harness was seemingly fixed, held tight onto his body and would support him … right? This thing wouldn’t just slip off, he figured, but the more he gazed around, the longer he followed Louis, the more he questioned himself and his surroundings. For a brief second, he was confident in his abilities, before his heart slipped all the way down into his pants as he gauged the situation correctly for what it was. All the way up there? Arthur couldn't say he ... really wanted that. But did he have any choice?

With both fear in his eyes and uneasiness in his heart, he was looking toward Louis, who tried his utmost to guide him it seemed, and yet, he had his own set of issues with this entire situation. No, Arthur wasn't one to speak up, and no, he knew he needed to brave this, but at the same time, was this really for him. "U-up there?", he reiterated, not in confusion but rather amazement of the revelation that should have seemed so obvious in the first place. A loud gulp, followed by what one would only describe as a cold shiver running down his spine made him not. Nothing would happen and that net, too, would catch him if Louis failed ... right? Yes. But even then, that was quite the height he had to get to, and quite the distance he had to traverse. With an unsure nod, he quickly closed the distance between himself and the beam, which he grabbed onto like his life was dependant on it. Whatever the case, he used what he had to scale this tower of fear, self-made and impressive, as his gaze stuck to the wood of the beam and his knees started trembling. Arthur was just a kid, one afraid of heights, and even as he had reached the top, he'd come to realize that he wasn't enjoying it much. The fact he hadn't slipped, well, it was a surprise, but now that he was up there, he had wished he had. Almost frozen in fear, he straightened his back and dared to look down upon where he found Louis, a blurry spot somewhere on the brown ground. "A-And n-now? Do I j-just walk across?"

Louis was actually impressed that that little boy climbe up there without any fuss. He was scared, but he neither cried, nor did he complain, he didn't even freeze. Louis made sure to give him enough rope so he could continue climbing, but he wasn't a monster, he held the rope tight, so Arthur felt some pull all the time, even if he had slipped, he'd only fallen a few centimeters. He was harsh yes, but Arthur already signed the contract, there was no need of scaring him and Louis also didn't find pleasure in it, yet if he was able to perform up there, he secured a pretty good job for himself. Anyone could learn how to juggle eventually, but it took more to comfortably fly through the tent without any safety net. Additionally right now Arthur was rather small and he didn't weigh much, which helped the ones that would perform with him. While Louis gaze was fixed on the boy climbing up the beam, he almost expected Josiah to show up and reprimand him for treating him like this. 'Let him come down, he's scared.', or something like this. Another reason to start work early, but not the only one.

Besides Arthut, other people needed to train here too. There was a show tonight and most performers wanted to go through their act once before that. Rather sooner than later this place would be packed with everyone preparing for tonights show, so they better used their time now, when Arthur didn't need to feel embarrassed either, because other people watched. "Just stay there for now.", Louis yelled up to the boy. "I'm going to loosen the rope a bit, sit down if you want." With that Louis waited a moment, so Arthur could find a suitable spot he felt save on. Then he gave more rope, before tying the end to the contraption fixed to the beam with another knot. He was confident it would hold - not that Arthur needed it anymore right now - then went on to climb up to him himself. Louis was equally as confident in his skills, he didn't need a rope, or saftey and he breezed up there with relative ease. Eventually he joined Arthur on the little platform and sat down next to him. "Everybody is scared being up here the first time, you know? You need to get comfortable up here. I loosened the rope and if you feel like it, you can jump down. Makes you learn trusting the net. Most acts are about trust. Trust in your partners and their abilities and trust in yourself and yours." Louis paused for a moment and sighed shortly after. "Staying here means to contribute at least as much as others, but an act up here isn't mastered in a day, not even a week. If I train someone to juggle, or to simply entertain with words, that obviously needs less time and I expect them to deliver sooner. That said however, if you sit here, not moving in a week still, there won't be any place for you in this circus. Today, I don't expect more than for you to stay here for a while. If you want to do more, feel free to. In a bit Leila and Caroline will come up here and train a bit. You can watch, it'll give you an idea of what's to come and if you need anything from me, ask." Louis shoveled his morning free to deal with Arthur, so he had nothing else that needed attending at this point.

Still, it was uncanny. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn't get used to the air up there, or the general atmosphere. Arthur had always been brave, but not that brave, and even if he considered all his options, not once had he tried to climb onto the roof of his parents home, which had to stand around the same height as this, or possibly was even smaller. No matter his efforts, he figured, and no matter his ideas, he told himself, all of that would be wasted if he just ... ignored the hospitality that others had offered him. As Louis told him to stay up there, it became even worse - his legs, already shaking like the trees in autumn would, with winds raging through the barren expanse, pulling and tugging at every branch they could reach; but even then, Arthur was nothing in comparison. One safe spot later, he was crouching on the floor, awfully scared of the height despite everything, and with each tremor in the beam that Louis caused, once he decided to ascend upward, closer to him, he felt his stomach turning, further and further, more and more. Arthur was going to throw up at this point, that much was for certain, especially after he looked up at Louis, who stood there, steadfast and completely engrossed in his own narrative.

"I-I get it, I think.", he mumbled. Did he now? Well, he was scared himself, definitely not enjoying what he was doing, and what was making matters worse, was the fact that Louis just ... wasn't wearing anything to protect him. Now Arthur was more scared for him than himself, giving that the idea of Louis hurting himself truck him right in the head. "It's ... it's just a bit ... too high for me, I think.", the kid continued on, but furthermore, now that he sat there, he was looking for some kind of support, which led to him grabbing a corner of the older boys pant legs, tugging on it. Personally, he'd have preferred for things to be different. "My abilities? U-up here?" over to the other platform was hardly spectacular, but Arthur could think about one, or two things that would give this whole situation some kind of ... amazing and mesmerizing touch that attracted the masses. Something that he couldn't use a harness for, but needed trust in newfound abilities hin. That wasn't so good, given that his own heart was beating fast and while he had both the harness and the net, just a peep over the corner made him regret his decision of coming up here at all. "H-how are you ... gonna get down? Trust the net? O-or the beam?", Arthur questioned instead. So he had to stay up here, earn his keep ... but why here, of all places? Was there nothing he could do down there? Apparently not, or maybe Louis just put too much trust into him. "Can ... can you stay up here with me for a bit?", the kid eventually sheepishly asked, lowering his head.

Arthur hadn't been this scared when climbing up, but it probably was due to the fact, that he didn't look down until Louis called out to him from way down there. It probably looked higher from up here than from down there. Louis actually couldn't remember his first time up here and he couldn't remember if he was scared. He knew Josiah wasn't fond of heights, not this high up at least, so he probably took pride in the fact that he was also good at something back when they were children. Louis had been one to one up others and himself, in a playful manner. He never pressured anyone into proving anything to him, but he wanted to prove himself that he was capable a lot of times. Josiah wasn't even that eager to stay here, to perform an be applauded, or to make the ringmaster proud, that was mostly Louis. He never understood why they would leave this place, when they were perfectly fine right here and now. They were fed, had it warm, a roof and they were appreciated here. Not many people could say that of themselves.

While his thoughts wandered, he was pulled back into reality by a tug on his pants and looked at Arthur. "You'll acquire abilities with time and until you feel confident, the net will always stay, while you are up here.", Louis explained rather unimpressed by the little hand that wanted some support and comfort. "I'll climb down if I need to get down. During the show we also use ropes to be quicker in getting up and down." The net was a bit too high up to help in getting back to the ground. "Sure.", Louis eventually answered once asked to stay here as well, pausing again for a bit. "Why are you scared?", he eventually asked Arthur. "You're a smart kid, right? Of course heights are scary, but only if you fall to the ground from them. You have the net below you and the rope keeping you up as well." Louis had given him enough rope so he'd fall into the net if he were to jump and not dangle in the air. "Logically speaking there is no reason to be scared, is there? Even if one safety measure were to fail you have a second one and let me tell you that in all the years I've been here the ropes and the net never ripped." Louis looked down a second. "Want me to demonstrate?"

Still, fears were normal to have, were they not? Heights weren't something he liked dealing with, he never had - not that he was terrified of them, but he just didn't enjoy them, and yet, this seemingly wasn't something he'd get out unscathed. For now, Arthur was the only one that could reign in his own fear, and for that, he had to do so much more than just stay up here, even if he was trembling and close to someone that, by his own impression, had not cared much for him, or rather wanted him gone. Not in a malicious way, but even then, maybe Louis just didn't like kids like him, or saw him as a bad omen? Who knew. Arthur wasn't particularly supersitious, or hard to fool, no, he'd always been a smart kid, but right here and now, he felt like a bit of an idiot for not being much help. Would he be able to fit in here? This place was different, not like his home, and as nice as Josiah had seemed when he had picked him up and cared for him while everyone else was leaving, he either had to fess up the truth or, apparently, be scrutinized by Louis here for not being able to do what others would do without hesitation. Letting himself fall, especially down there, even if he knew nothing would happen, he hated to think about it.

As terrified as he was, he knew that being glued to this spot would not make it better, and what was more, he also knew, for a fact, that someone like Louis wouldn't just carry him back down, even if he asked. So, Arthur had nothing he could do except go through with this, didn't he? For a second, that seemed impossible, but in the next, that resolve was swayed - deep down, he was just an impressionable kid after all, albeit scared and unfamiliar with the ropes that he had to partake in now. "So I don't hurt myself, right?", he asked, somewhat positive that his own statement was the beligerent truth he had not wanted to hear. "Isn't that ... dangerous? Did you ever get hurt?" Again, he pulled on Louis pants, almost as if to signal him he shouldn't leave, or perhaps because Arthur was simply insecure about being alone up here, for all to see, even if no eyes had joined the two of them yet - not that he had heard anyone, or paid any attention to that. "It's ... my first time s-so high up. It's overwhelming.", he explained away. Or perhaps he had a general fear of heights? Being smart had nothing to do with that at all, even when he was told adults knew best, he wasn't so sure about that - perhaps Louis wasn't even an adult in the first place. "N-no, but still!", he made his standpoint clear. "Uh ... but you ... don't even have a harness?"

Arthur knew that he was hardly someone the kids trusted, much less with their lives. Josiah was too lenient but at least Arthur would believe him if he told him that he wouldn't be hurt. For all Arthur knew Louis could try to get rid of him, having him have an accident, but Louis would never do anything like that. "Even if you fall, you won't hurt yourself.", Louis reassured him, then shook his head. "I hurt myself before, but not badly and not by falling from here. It happens, but people also hurt themselves by just playing on grass.", he bluntly told him. His very obvious scar aside, he broke some bones before, but nothing that left him useless here. Others had worse luck, but the result of breaking a leg was pretty much the same as not doing anything in the first place. "I climb up these beams almost every day, I'm confident I won't fall down. You get used to it and climbing around up here becomes second nature, like walking on the ground. It's not even that different, you don't trip and fall down there all the time eithet right? Just the consequences are different." Death among them.

Arthur was still scared and Louis decided to swallow his sigh down this time." It's okay. ", he told him. "Today, just sit here, tomorrow we talk about jumping." That was quick, but this boy didn't have any more time than others. If it were up to the clown, he'd gove them more time and more training, but that decision wasn't his. "I don't need a harness, there is a net right there.", he told him once more and shortly after people were already joining them in the tent. Leila was amongst them, smiling up at the new kid and climbing up the same beam. It was going to get crowded. She was small, but pretty muscular when looking under her clothes. She was about fourteen and her partner looked like her twin sister, albeit them not being related at all. "Is this the new boy?", she asked beaming with joy. She had two ponytails and a big smile. "Hi, I'm Leila, we're gonna work together I heard!" She looked at Louis. "Still scared huh?" Then back to Arthur. "That's fine, I was scared too, but Louis helped me, you know? He's mostly grumpy, but he's on your side, you know?" "Mhh...", Louis exhaled almost displeased but didn't comment that any further. "Should I show you some things you'll probably learn?", Leila offered.

There was no way he could master this in what Josiah would deem sufficent time. Factually, there was no way out of this for him either, however, and given everything that had happened, there was no need for him to raise a stink over it. Right now, he was supposed to make other proud of him, and in a way, he should be the one that made everything possible for himself, but Arthur just knew that he wasn't made for this. All that happened so far was, in a way, against him, and all that would happen afterward would only serve to cement that fact. Sure, Louis was definitely trying to be ... something to him, but he couldn't help but doubt him. "Y-yeah, but it's so high up anyway.", he murmured and wondered if, of all things, the net would give out below him once he fell. Was it even necessary to trust that thing in the first place? Arthur felt somewhat sick and a subtle frown was giving way to a more puzzled expression. No staring, and yet, he was looking at Louis, who - with his full chest - claimed this to be nothing. Grass was different, this was some wood, prepped on a beam that was to move again in no time, high-up, and chaos was just around the corner. Would it unfurl, below his feet right now, he'd be somewhat safe, but not Louis. "Vastly ...", Arthur replied quickly, maybe even somewhat shocked.

"T-Tomorrow? Isn't that a bit fast?", Arthur asked, quite shocked at the proposal, seemingly. Yes, not only was that fast, it also was incredibly draining to think about. Facing his fears, alright, that would work somehow, but even then, it wouldn't compensate a lack of experience, not a general one and also definitely not a theoretical one. No matter how he thought about it, he'd just fail himself, but he swallowed his pride. "Alright ... I'll get it. Tomorrow then.", he admitted with a nod, though, Louis talking made him uneasy and somewhat queasy. If he were up here, without a harness, he'd not want to be up here, not now and also not in the new future. However, it seemed he was the only one that thought so, as they were joined by two girls on the small platform, ones that were just a smidge older than him, maybe, but didn't sleep in the same wagon as he had tonight. Arthur was inquisitive, but right now, much more of a scaredy-cat. "Uh-uh ... uh-huh! My name is Arthur ... sorry." Another excuse followed, but the trembling lamb finally forced himself up, with the beam at his back - his legs were still rattling like shaking branches and his heart pounded lots and lots. "I'd ... It's fine ... But ... I'd like to watch, yes ...", the blonde mumbled with a nod, his fingers digging into old wood. "If you don't mind!" And with that, he straightened his back - only for a moment, until he cramped up as he heard a yell. "Louis? We need to talk!", Jo yelled the moment he stuck his head into the tent. "Got a moment?"