eat your young (earinor & marquis)

"Or we let her roam free... Or maybe on a leash?", Louis suggested. If anyone was able to control that snake, it was Josiah, he always loved them and it was kind of on the nose. Well he used them in his performance often enough, so it was good the animals trusted him. They were able to sneak out the fence though anf that was probably a bad thing. Louis looked up again, knowing fully well that Josiah had so manx questions for him, but he couldn't answer any of them. What happened? Why was Louis so different? Was he angry? Why didn't he talk to his best friend? How was he? Did it hurt? Louis could imagine many more questions his friend probably had, but Louis didn't even allow him to voice them. He could see that it gnawed on him though. "Good.", he simply commented his friends decision to listen to him, whether it was because he saw reason, or because he wanted to male Louis happy didn't matter. Louis didn't even connect this to the big fire so much and he wasn't scared of flames either, that would have been a problem in general.

"You shouldn't perform injured and the kids... None of them has the discipline to get to your level, besides, it takes too long to earn a profit..." Louis knew the ringmaster and that he could be incredibly impatient. It took years for someone to train their flecibility like needed and he didn't give them years. Maybe if they perfected something else first... Either way, Josiah was incredibly forthcoming today and Louis nodded. "Don't worry about it, it's not like I have to supervise them all the time, there are other people teaching them as well..." But the new kid probably needed more attention, either way, they wouldn't ttain until this late. Tomorrow and the day after there'd be more shows so their time was limited anyway, then they travelled on and then they'd have some more time to train. Then there'd be another show, this continued year after year. "I will.", he answered regarding the gloves and eventually let himself fall on his back. "There was nothing left but this, but it's fine, I'm not hungry.", he answered while spotting a mark on the ceiling the two of them left years ago.

The tides of times would change nevermore and they'd have to realize that everything was out to get them out there, but as long as they stayed with the ringmaster, there was nothing they needed to fear. Whether or not they condoned it, Josiah wasn't sure, but he knew that - even if he left tomorrow - no harm would befall the rest of the crew, given that Louis stayed with them and possibly even filled his shoes. "What if she gets to the kids? That wouldn't work, and besides, I'd want a good nights sleep without being coddled by snakes.", he replied, shaking his head. Constance, out of all of them, was rather clingy, but mild mannered - in an even that she, however, needed a bit too much warmth, that would come at the cost of his own comfort and Josiah was seldom in the mood to give it up for just anyone. Sometimes, the kids couldn't sleep well and kept him awake all night because somebody needed to look out for them, other times he simply wouldn't will himself to sleep, and even after that, he had to realize that, as compassionate as he could be, his actions had consequences, more to himself than anyone else, and Louis was the next guy that suffered from that - only if Josiah weren't as soft and friendly, he figured, he'd get information out of this guy in no time.

"I know, I know. But the people want to see me and my show as much as they want to see you and yours. There ought to be a replacement. What if I break a bone, or worse, what if I injure my spine? Then I can kiss this profession goodbye and he will have to have patience with the kids, or whoever comes after me.", Josiah sighed. Lou wasn't wrong, he only spoke the truth as far as he could tell, but even regardless of that, he had to admit that his wonderous best friend wasn't seeing the whole picture here - even if they managed to pull through, what if the two would grow old in this environment? They weren't going to feast on their youth forever and at some point, well, they'd be nothing more than dust to the world. "Alright, alright. Fine. Next time we'll get someone else to watch the kids and I'll be in your care, then? Is that what you want?" He could bet on it if he wanted and truthfully, he'd be right this time around. There was no moment in their interaction in which he couldn't feel genuine care, and yet, Josiah was probably getting senile with some sort of stupid feeling in his gut as he marbled at the ceiling, following Louis gaze. "Anything interesting up there?", he asked, squinting his eyes at the marks they'd left. "You know, I wouldn't mind if you moved back into a trailer with me."

"They just need to keep their door shut at night, right? They should go to bed earlier anyway, most of them are way too tired in the mornings and training is impossible..." They'd only hurt themselves because they made mistakes and then... Well they wouldn't be able to perform and that was bad. Discipline... That was all Louis wanted and Josiah sabotaged by being just too nice. It was to their demise in Louis opinion and someone had to be harsh to keep them in line. How was that when they were young? Well in Louis case he was just way too motivated to be his best self. He wanted to make the people here and Josiah proud, so he never needed any harsh words. Josiah always worked hard on himself as well. Some children here maybe were like that too, but most were excited for a few days and then got lazy. What to do with them? Most of them hadn't anyone they missed, they just hoped for an easily available warm meal, but nothing in this world was for free.

Me? No one comes for me.", Louis replied shaking his head, but suddenly his demeanor shifted. "You won't hurt yourself." It was like an order, as if Josiah jsd any say in this. Louis simply couldn't have that happen ever. He tried to pull himself together again and shook his head. "I just want you to tell me when you need help. I'm good at managing my time." He always had so many things to do, most of them he chose, because he liked doing it and he still did all of that and more after the fire. He oversaw everyones training, helped with new acts and make-up, he was involves in the schedules, tried to find the right position for the children, greeted and saw off all their customers and led them through the whole show. One little thing that happened every other week wouldn't break the camels back, or his own in this case. When Josiah came look at what Louis stared at he was honest. "I forgot abou that.", he mumbled, but was surprised by Josiahs proposal. "You barely have room for yourself here. Besides, don't you think we're a little old for that?"

"They're just kids. Remember when we spent hour after hour talking to each other at night? I say we let them have some fun - not every single day, but at the very least every once in a while.", he chuckled, knowing well enough that he wasn't going to suddenly and indefinitely change how some people thought. Louis was more practical, he figured, and Josiah understood why he wanted something done, right then and there. Was there any use arguing? He figured not, lest they'd break out in one of their infamous fights again, but even with all that drawn into consideration, there was no such thing as hurt, or pain, without having to take something away from someone who, possibly, did not even do anything to draw ire upon themselves. Josiah smiled, even still. "Besides, they don't have much free time anyway. Sometimes, it's okay to let bygones be bygones and kids be kids. They need to realize the gravity of their situations themselves, even if I coddle them from time to time.", he elaborated further. Neither of them were obligated to raise tiny, but useful adults, and yet, they truly had to admit that neither of them were equipped to raise children just yet, not from the ground up at least. Like this, it possibly was fine, but any other way and they'd probably struggle to make ends meet. How did the ringmaster even ... Josiah stopped to wonder. No, that was a stupid thought to begin with.

"Everyone comes for you. Do you never hear them giggle when they see you? And sometimes, they even giggle when they leave. 'I hope he's there when we come back next time, he's so polite and handsome!', they say. I hear it all, you know.", he further explained. There simply was no way out of this for his friend and frankly, he'd not allow him to even consider that. No matter what they did, be it a small gesture or something rather grand, all of them stayed in peoples memories - and Louis was no exception. If he wanted to, Josiah figured, he could have whisked away some of the older girls that came to these shows, alone, without a parent to watch them; they didn't even need one, and they weren't in it for the show anyway. "You sure?" Absolutely. When was the last time he broke something? Never. The only real issue he had was when he caught measles from one of the kids, but that wasn't even anything to be concerned about - there had been no shows that very first night, and otherwise, make-up helped a ton. "You are starting to sound like the ringmaster ... alright. I will come to you if need be, but only if you do the same, you heard me? If you need me, come to me, no buts and ands.", Josiah huffed. Why was Louis on his bed in the first place? He could have joined him and maybe fallen asleep, but, no, there seemed to be something else going on here. "Too old? Oh, please. Are you telling me you need your privacy? Sure, it might geht a little stuffy in here, but if you wanted to, we could ask for one bigger wagon next time instead of two small ones when we change these out ... eventually. I'm sure it'd be easier on the ringmasters wallet.", Josiah suggested and crossed his arms. "What do you mean you forgot? You forgot to ask if you can come back? Or forgot to come back?"

"But we were different. We wanted to work here, we wanted to impress people and make the ringmaster proud of us.", Louis argued. Even when they were tired because they talked all night, they bit through the next day and did their best without complaining. The next evening they'd just fall right into bed. "Once they realize the gravity of their situation it's too late and they... can't stay here anymore. Do you ever think about those who aren't here anymore? What happens to them?", Louis asked his friend. He wanted to point him to a realization for the longest time, but to no avail. He still brought all those kids with him that barely held their weight around here. Even if he wouldn't know the truth, it also went against common sense to rip a child out of its familiar environment, only to let it go somewhere else entirely. It wasn't like Louis ever thought about it when he was younger, but now both of them were adults and they couldn't hide behind childish naivity anymore. There were more children leaving than staying.

For some reason Louis felt embarrassed when Josiah told him about his supposed popularity. Maybe he was right, but even still, he didn't think he was anything special. He was a Jack of all traits, but that also meant that he didn't excell at a single discipline like Josiah did. He'd always been jelous of him in a healthy way. When they were younger he was so proud of his friend. Now he wondered if he even wanted another role. "Just... be careful with your training. At this point I'm not even sure if your bones break at all." Maybe he was some form of rubber person. "I'm not like the ringmaster...", Louis grumbled, but reluctantly nodded. He wouldn't need anything, just maybe a bit of time together, without them fighting. In all those years he never came here for a specific reason, but Josiah saw Louis as his best friend even after all this time. Louis wasn't sure what changed, why he came here tonight, but he had the feeling that something was going to happen. He felt more restless than usual. "Don't you need your privacy?", Louis asked in return. "We haven't really properly talked in years... why would you even want me back here?" All of what Louis did was in vain it seemed, then he looked up at the mark again. "I forgot we did that.", he said nodding towards it.

"Because we were sort of adopted by him, no? I mean, he raised us, and besides that, who wouldn't want to make their parent proud?", Josiah threw in. There was no harm done in impressing a strange person one viewed as their parental figure, and yet, neither of them had ever stopped to consider just how much had changed between them and the world around them. Neither of them could make sense of what was happening to those kids that didn't stay, could they now? It all fell apart in the same corpses arms, and it all would break apart under pressure that neither of them deserved. Josiah was clear in all that he had ever said; the world was neither of theirs to rule, but the masses were theirs to conquer. Did they dream big? Possibly. "What happens to them? Well, I ... am quite aware. It's best for them. They are too entrenched to leave, but still, I get that you don't want them to be cast aside by the likes of us, too. Isn't that it?", he asked, sighing and finally taking off that smile, one which had hammered itself into his very sould and forced him to be someone he barely could have been in the first place. As all things stood, he was the one too deep in this, too concerned about where their next meal came from, and too worried about what his circus siblings would end up being, if not by his side. Louis, unfortunately, was more than just slightly right.

As he watched the spot, he wondered - it never moved, never changed, not since it had been there, but even then, the two of them - Lou and him - had barely changed. As all things in life stood, they had made that mark upon the ceiling years ago, but while that stayed the same, neither of them were particularly miffed about the opportunities they'd been presented with. All in all, were they not who they envisioned themselves to be? And did they not ascend to a plane that both of them would consider, if anything, to be where they wanted to be? They had all the eyes of the circus on them, more than the others, and that would hardly ever change. "I will be, but they still do break. I mean, we both know I can dislocate my shoulder and pop it back into place ... but they aren't made of anything other than bone. Maybe they just ... can take more cause they're used to the constant stretching for years now.", he murmured, barely listening to what was sade as one spot inched closer and closer into focus; by the gods was he, without a doubt, enamored by the passing of time and the many things that came with it. Was he enamored with Lou as well? Possibly, but moreso because he missed those innocent eyes staring at him and waiting for him to say something about whatever they were doing next. "Sometimes, but not urgently. And I do because I miss you, you jokester. We were together all the time and not anymore, that feels like the ringmaster cut two conjoined twins apart." Maybe it was not as drastic, but still! It mattered to him and him alone. "There's a few more." Josiah inched over the table. "Here. And ..." His finger pointed toward his wardrobe. "Over there."

"Well... yeah. I can't remember anything other than living here.", Louis agreed. There was no memory of a family or the lack of which. He's been here as long as he could think yet questioned if the ringmaster would ever take in a toddler who could do absolutely nothing. That led him to believe that maybe he was born here and as long as his mother worked, he'd be allowed to stay, but then there should be someone that knew her and there wasn't. A potential mother was nowhere to be found either. Besides that Louis found Josiahs description a bit odd. The ringmaster didn't really raise them, he rarely left his trailer and as much as they raised the children they were raised by other members of the circus mostly. With Louis being somewhat of his first assistent, he saw him more often, but he didn't attend and practice, nor did he attend the shows himself. "Not only that, do you think they have a better chance in a city they've never been in? Where they know nobody? It's not like you're bringing them back to where you found them." They never returned home and Josiah didn't get that apprently. Louis looked up and noticed that he probably upset Josiah. He didn't want to hurt him, but if he kept bringing those children here... he couldn't allow that either.

Louis averted his gaze again, he wouldn't apologize to Josiah. He needed to hear this and he tried to tell him often times before. It wasn't all there was to it, but all Louis could say in a night like this. The realization however, that Josiah still cared for him deeply lay heavy on his shoulders. He hoped he'd hate him, or at least didn't care about him anymore, but not Josiah, he always cared for everyone. "Well things have changed... and with us constantly disagreeing I can't say it sounds like a good idea.", he answered rather quickly, without giving it a second thought. Louis looked at the other marks they left and kept his sigh to himself this time around. "I remember now... I told you they would keep the voices out you kept hearing or rather... the ones the voices belonged to..." Did he still hear those? Louis kept telling him it was the wind when they were younger. Sometimes he was so easily scared, by an aching tree, a storm, some thunder,...

"See? Me neither. And the curious thing about that is, well, uhm, where are our parents, if we even had any to begin with?", he questioned with a sigh, although he already knew the answer, which had been burief deep within his chest. Josiah doubted he'd ever had any, but at the same time, someone like him just didn't hatch from an egg at the side of the road, or perhaps fell from the sky, right into their bosses arms - in the end, it mattered little, because the circus was all their life had for them, and they should be grateful for that, but then again, why would they be when there was so much more out there? "It's not like we're bringing them back to where I found them, I agree, but at the same time, maybe it's for the best to be somewhere where nobody knows their face or past. What if Arthur was a noble like you said, his house fell, and he's the only straggler left alive that, no doubt, is being hunted down for merely existing? They'd brutalize that poor soul before killing him, and besides, I'd rather ... have them here, for only a little bit, to give them so peace of mind, you know?" Right here, they were safe, without a doubt, and who knew, someone like Arthur would possibly be able to prosper ... no, wait. He'd have to propser. Josiah would show Louis that all it needed was a bit of time and some encouragement; he'd make an ample replacement out of this little guy - not for Lou, but himself.

They had grown apart, hadn't they? Their lives had been divided by more than a bit of chance and all those years they lost, well, they couldn't be regained in something like a swift motion, nor could their trust in one another just be restored like that. For Josiah, it had never wavered, but for Lou, it seemed like too much had changed - they couldn't pick up where they left off, that much was clear. "Then we should stop picking less fights and try to get along again. I miss it. How about it? Trying can't hurt, and even if this temporary arrangement doesn't work, at least we'd know that we aren't made for this type of stuff anymore." It hurt to admit, yet he neither scoffed nor thought ill of his friends. There was nothing they could do about any of this, and there was much less that they could do for each other when the other didn't want any help. Baby steps were an idea; it led into the right direction, at least, and as long as they got to the goal eventually, nobody would mind - wasn't it so? "Yeah! Sometimes, they work wonders, but often enough, I'm more surprised that the wind still whispers. Sometimes it cries, and other times it faintly murmurs - I'm not sure, it doesn't happen every night, and not always when it's stormy, either. "Why not stay the night?"

"Probably just left us here because they didn't want us...", Louis speculated and e couldn't say that he was sad about it. He didn't know his parents, so there was no one to miss. Maybe he even hated them for dropping him off here of all places, but he rarely thought about it. This place was his home, even though often times he wished it wasn't. Still, it was all he knew and he didn't know what would have happened in his life if he never came here. "Ever thinking of searching for your parents?", Louis asked his friend. He'd love for him to simply leave and spend his time figuring out where he came from, but it wouldn't be that easy. "You don't know that. Those children on the streets still have families, even if it is just other children. If they are somewhere else, they are all alone. Nobody protects them. Arthus may be just lost. Maybe he wasn't read a goodniht story and claimed he doesn't have a home anymore, because he is angry. Maybe his house burnt down and his parents are searching for him. Maybe he has other relaitives. Coddling them doesn't prepare them for what the world really is like. It's brutal, nothing is for free and they can't rely on others to help them out constantly. What are a few days of fun worth if they can never keep it?"

Josiah would never understand, instead he chose to live in the same world he always thought he lived in. None of it was true though. "I can't always be smiles and giggles... and I can't let you be immature and irresponsible. I'll always fight with you about it, how else would I get it into your brain?", he asked his friend. Louis couldn't even decribe how he felt about all of this, much less could he tell Josiah about it. Louis bit his tongue, trying to formulate an answer so that it body would allow him to actually speak. "Those are nothing but childish attempts to help you with it... Don't the children tell you smiliar stories?" About all the scary noises out here, then again they were in the middle of nowhere and not in a city or village. Children ought to be scared sometimes, but Josiah...? "Don't tell me you're still afraid at night." Louis didn't want to give him a definitive yes, even though he'd like to not be alone tonight. It was childish however and it went against what Louis was trying to do since the fire.

"Maybe. Or maybe they couldn't keep us. You never know.", Josiah replied, seeing the whole bit in a slightly more optimistic light. Surely, there was an answer for everything that the two of them were asking one another, but surely, there was no telling what actually went down. As much as either of them deserved to be happy, and as dire as their situation sometimes seemed, as plausible was it to understand that, no matter what, any kind of interest they harbored in their past would change too much about them as people, as individuals. "I did for a while, but by now, I'm not sure anymore. What would I even want of people I don't know?", he questioned, unrelenting in the way he said it. "Or maybe, I'll waste some years of my life looking for them, in vain, because they don't want to see me, you know? I wouldn't put it past them.", the contortionist chortled. Getting out of here might have been his first priority, possibly at the very least, but those things had changed, especially now that he was older, mroe caring and understanding of any and all situations that involved such stupid feelings. "True that. But we can ask him tomorrow, can we not? He seemed genuine, but some gentleness ought to coax the truth out of him; and if he has nobody else, I don't see why we can't let him stay, especially if he makes for a proper performer."

As those thoughts enthralled him, he had to remember that Lou wasn't wrong. Unlike Arthur, he had picked up the others when they looked worse for wear - they had partially been stragglers, left alive because they were quick enough to flee, or just abandoned, indoctrinated in some other scheme that they believed in. Little thieves had their own set of skills; they weren't always cut out for the work in the circus, but they knew that this was necessary. "I would say with words, but I rarely listen to you, do I now?", Josiah reminded them both with a smile and the click of his tongue. There were few times in which he accepted Louis' words for what they were without trying to compromise first. There were few times in which the two of them actually had fun with one another in recent memories and even their little meeting here and now seemed almost out of the ordinary for both of them. And as he thought about it, Josiah simply realized that the wind had stopped singing, and the trees were no longer croaking, but the magic of their false seal wasn't helping; not tonight. Louis presence was enough and it made him feel safe, or at the very least safer than he was. "I do! But ... mh. I don't know. For me, this was always something special, you know? Almost as if it really worked, like with our fire eater; it's magical until you know their tricks." Now he was sad that he reminded himself of it, but that didn't last longer than a single heartbeat. "Sometimes - what's so bad about that?"

Josiah always had been the optimistic one and he remained to this day. Whether he truly believed what he said, or he simply wanted to cheer Louis up, he didn't know, but it also didn't matter much. Louis never even thought about potential parents when he was younger, but at this point he was incredibly unsure about himself. He wanted to make sure, that he was what he thought to be, but he had no chance in doing so. Josiah however could venture out and find where he came from, but it didn't seem like he wanted that. "Find out where you came from? Why you were raised here?", Louis replied. "Maybe you come from a rich family even and just got lost. You could live lavishly then." Now Louis was the optimistic one, wasn't he? Anything to get Josiah to consider it. Take some time away from here finally. "He already signed a contract... even if he has family, he can't just leave anymore. That's why I told you to wait!" Louis got worked up again and quickly bit his tongue so he stopped himself.

He already knew Josiahs next comment and Louis was surprised he was able to say that much. Surely if he had family they wouldn't keep him, surely they'd just rip that thing to shreds. Louis didn't even know he signed one of these at some point, nor did he know what was written in it, but he knew now. "You never listen to me. Truly listen...", Louis answered more frustrated that he seemingly needed to be. A deep sadness washed over his face as he said it, but there was nothing more he could add. "So you don't want to move into another wagon after all, without the seals and all...", Louis concluded hals jokingly and finally sat up again to look at Josiah directly. "It's bad because you're grown up now and because I can't always be here to protect you." Not that he acted like he did the past few years, but he tried, albeit not doing a very good job. "You've always been so sensitive... " But he never listened to his heart and gut feeling either.

To this day, gauging all of this was more of a hassle to him than an annoyance. His best friend was lost in the fire that day, not having made it out alive, he was plenty sure of it, but then again, if that were the truth, he'd be staring at a clone of the man that had pulled him out of there; something that he couldn't believe to be real, or something that a simple trick of the light would pull off. His eyelids were heavy, surely, but that didn't mean that Louis had become some sort of light being, carved out of the impossible. "I don't think I care about that anymore, if I am honest. This had a reason, possibly, but if there was one, we'd best ask the ringmaster, not my or your or our supposed parents, you know? And if we had any, we'd recall something, anything about them.", he clarified, and he was sure of it. Was there a way to discern something like that? Maybe their parents were long gone, or had moved, had taken the ships departing from various ports and ventured through the sea, never to be seen again - there was no way out of here, there was no way back to long bygone times. What else was this an attempt for, then? "Lavishly? Not sure if I want that! What would I even do? Try to fit in? I wasn't made for that, and you know it. Neither of us were, and I don't want to leave you alone, either." Parents that had abandoned him for the course of his life were parents he didn't want to have either way; this here was his family, contract or not.

"Hey, calm down. So what? I can get him out of here, contract or not, but Arthur didn't seem like he was lying in the first place.", he complained, rubbing his temples in an annoyed motion as he thought about it. Why were they fighting over the lives of those that didn't concern them? Why did they get distracted with excuses like these? Not a shred of evidence popped up within his brain. "Huh? I listened to you, alright. Just because you don't hear what you want me to say doesn't mean I didn't listen. Look, we are both adults, and we have different outlooks on life - and if I say something, I mean it. I'm not joking about getting Arthur out of here if he needs to be out of here." No grumble or resistance, not this time. Louis could go fuck himself, yes, especially with the way he reacted, but did he really mean that? Josiah didn't want to be the one at fault just this time, so he just let his friend be and seethe with whatever anger had built up within him. "I never said that, stop taking things out of context. We can make new ones; it's not like these will hold forever anyway.", Josiah replied, staring his friend down with a raised eyebrow. Was he being mocked? What an asshole. Or not? Who knew. Maybe he was too harsh. "You don't need to protect me, but you can stay the night, please?", Josiah continued instead. Did he want this? He wasn't so sure anymore. "Too sensitive for you, huh?"

Josiah wasn't going to bite, he didn't care about parents that possibly abandoned him and Louis could understand it, because he felt the same. He didn't know them and he'd never be able to care, after all the were complete strangers, if the were alive somewhere in the first place. He wouldn't ask the ringmaster, in fact Louis only talked to him when he had to, when he was called upon to discuss the children, contracts or the circus and how it was fairing. Josiah saw him as somewhat of his father, even though other members of the circus were more akin to family than him. He was an looming figure that watched all going ons in his circus and only spoke out if something was seriously problematic. "Why would you worry about me? If you had a chance of an easy life, with warm water and tasty food, I want you to take it." Josiah would never stop caring about Louis, no matter what he did. Not talking to him, constantly arguing if the did and avoiding him in general did do nothing, especially now that he gave into his own loneliness and sought him out.

Louis didn't know hot to make Josiah realize that life wasn't as simple as he wished it to be. "It's not that easy...", he replied a little bit frustrated. Josiah had doomed this child and many others and he didn't even know it. He felt good about himself, for bringing them here and giving them a chance and Louis had been the same, but he knew too much now. Louis clicked his tongue and averted his gaze. He couldn't talk plainly to Josiah, so why would his friend question his whole world? He didn't even want him to, actually Louis didn't know what he wanted. He wanted him out of here somehow, he wanted him save, but was he truly prepared to let him go? Maybe it was better to keep a close eye on him? He also didn't want him to know certain things, he didn't want to hurt Josiah, but at this rate he'd never stop bringing all those children here. "You still want me here...?", he eventually asked surprised. "Is there even anthing I could say for you to kick me out?"

Sending kids to the chopping block had never been his intention, and yet, without fail, he continued to do so, may it be what it was - not once did he stop to consider that his actions set more than just him up for failure, that it hurt others, that it terrorized those who couldn't do anything but watch in horror as he attempted his very best to fit in or make those who couldn't fit in seek out a place like this one. In a circus, not a single soul needed to be part of a grander scheme, they just needed to work like another cog set in motion, hammering home a certain feeling of loneliness in a vast expanse of possibilities. Josiah got up, clicking his tongue, and finally let himself fall onto his ass, into his bed, next to the only person he should care about. "Because maybe you wouldn't have what that would give me - and I'd hate that. And all that aside? I wouldn't want a life like that, if I were honest. It sounds like a stupid one, like I wouldn't be free in the end, not as free as I am here at least, you know?", he sighed. This was the worst outcome for sure, and yet, there wasn't anything he could claim to be better than this. All his youth, he'd tried to become someone else in vain, and now, once he was slowly turning into an adult, he wanted this life so much more than anything else.

"Breaking a contract? I can lose the kid, alright. It just happens - sometimes. That wouldn't be the first time I purposefully lost one of them, and that aside, what is one kid that hasn't proven his worth going to do? Anger the ringmaster? Come on, it's not that bad.", he mumbled, convinced that the parental figure in their life - if one could consider them as such - wasn't going to try anything funny. Or would they? For a moment, he considered and thought about it, but eventually, he realized it was all futile anyway. Why think about that now, when he wasn't even sure why he was his furrowing his brows so intensely? "Of course I do. If I didn't, you'd not be here.", the contortionist chuckled. His bed would be a bit stuffy for the two of them, but they had had worse before and none of this mattered anyway - he could just wind himself around Lou and find a pose he was comfortable in. With no two ways about it, he considered reaching out, but ... "I won't tell you, or you'll use it against me. For the record, hating you is nigh impossible for me, but you are making it a bit too easy to get angry at you." Josiah put his arm around Louis shoulder. "Don't be so mean to the kids every single time you see them - they'll be scared of you."

When Josiah got up from where he sat and came Louis' direction, he made a bit of room for him on the bed. This was one of the bigger wagons, much like Louis', simply because they'd been here for such a long time. The children also shared a big one, but there was a bunch of them inside, sharing what room they could. Still, a wagon was a wagon and not a house. There wasn't that much room, after all it had to be able to be moved from one venue to the next. The bed was cramped to the back wall and once held two children. Since then they'd grown a bit, but they were used to having limited room wherever they went all their life. "You needn't think about me in all of this...", Louis mumbled. Free? Did Josiah really feel free here? Sure he could leave whenever he wanted to check out the towns and besides performing his act he could do whatever he wanted. He trained alone, so he didn't really have a schedule or anyone he had to accommodate for.

"Yes. Breaking a contract...", Louis made clear. The ringmaster didn't take lightly to those who did, a reason why Louis wasn't so sure it was a good idea if Josiah eventually ran away from here, but should he stay? "You don't know him like I do..." He really, absolutely, definitely didn't. He was terrifying and there was little room when something went against his wishes. Louis started kneading his own fingers while he thought about it. He was surprised by Josiahs sudden touch and jumped a bit, but didn't look at his friend. "I just want them to make it here... if they only work if they are scared of me, so be it...", Louis answered. Josiah was there for coddling them all the time and he didn't feel like he was necessarily mean, only strict. Louis didn't attempt to shy away from Josiahs touch, he didn't move much at all and only slipped out of his boots, now that he seemingly would stay the night.

Once it was time to sleep, the two of them could just shut their mouths and descend into a fit of smothering warmth, keeping each other aloft in one anothers arms and tucking each other in - there was no security in this world, no hopeless daydreaming needed to imagine the weirdest things of all. If they needed something, they had it, mostly for their shows, but even then, that neither meant that it was truly theirs, nor, that it was actually bought for them. As Josiah thought about it, his gaze spread over his own wagon and the home it had become. In the end, wasn't this a communal space of some sort? For as long as he was able to think, he had shared his "home" with Louis, and now, the simple notion of him being back and actually considering that the two of them belonged together excited him, much like a little kid that knew next to nothing about the consequences of his own actions. "And yet I do, and why do I? Because I care for you, and that's something you can't just wipe out of my head, you know? It's just not feasible to do something like that, let alone .... you know I care for you, ugh. Sometimes you're the worst.", Josiah complained, laughing about the hopeless matter at hand.

"And then? Boohoo, they're too young to sign one in the first place, I'm sure." Lest they were truly orphans, he figured. Sure, a broken contract was a bygone one, and nobody liked to work with those who couldn't keep their promises, and yet, Josiah couldn't see the issue at hand; didn't want to, or possibly misunderstood what it was that kept him going. "Huh? You're joking, right? I've known him longer than you do." That sounded so ominous, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to pry. As Josiah was squandering his own opportunities, he was asking himself many more questions - none of which he could quite answer, not when something like this was thrown at his head out of nowhere and he genuinely had to ask himself if he wasn't going insane in the first place. One circus becoming a freakshow wasn't out of the ordinary, but all of them was uncalled for and Josiah took his hand back, placed it on his lap and started thinking. Was the ringmaster evil? No, definitely not. He was cold, yes, sometimes at the very least, but he also cared for his business and his performers in his own way, meaning that he was absolutely not going to shirk an opportunity in which he'd be offered free or cheap labor. "That's still too harsh. They're just kids. You can be strict without scaring them; nobody ever scared us as kids." Josiah placed his head on Louis shoulder and looked up, with bleach-blonde strands obscuring his vision the slightest bit. "And it's not just the kids you're keeping at an arms length, either ... what are you scared of?", Josiah asked, fed up with dancing around the topic.

Louis wished he was able to explain Josiah everything. He wished he could talk freely with him sometimes, but he couldn't. Besides, on other occasions he didn't want to burden him with all of the things he learned himself over the years. He didn't want him to be scared, or angry, or hurt, not by others or his own actions. He didn't know better and Louis didn't either when he was younger, nobody could fault them for that. Now Louis was unable to tell Josiah the truth and Josiah wasn't quite getting Louis hints he left with the little information he could give him. He didn't listen to him either when he told him to stop bringing all those kids here and immedietly bringing them to the ringmaster. Why would he? That... man... was like a father to them both, when the circus was smaller he spent more time with everyone too. Many of the people here raised them, he was but one of them, but he'd always been someone special, someone they had respect for. They never knew nothing else but this place and it belonged to him, so in a sense he was their extended family at the very least.

Louis didn't know what to say, what he wanted to say he couldn't and what he could say only sowed more confusion. "Depends on who the contract is with... and if they have someone to fight for them.", Louis answered, immedietly regretting it. He didn't want Josiah to fight for them. "But I'm working with him more closely.", Louis answered. There were other reasons, but again he couldn't tell Josiah any of it. "It's not like I'm hitting them...", Louis started to defend himself. "Nor do I tell them any lies. I just want them to be on time and to take their practice seriously... it's not only their contribution... if they lack sleep or concentration it's only all too easy for them to hurt themselves or others. Josiah, you're always working alone, you don't have to rely on anyone else, but that isn't true for everyone here." Of course Josiah would drive this further and talk about the obvious. Louis didn't look at him. "I just want to protect you... and them..." Louis looked at the flickering flame of the cancle that was their only light source besides the moon that barely shone through the tiny window at the back of the wagon.

Josiah had many more questions than he had answers for, but one glance at Louis told him that he wouldn't find out anything - he was like a lockbox, but without, well, a lock or a key in the first place; a wooden cube, sealed tightly, with an indent showing that it was to be opened, and yet, because of the mechanism inside, nobody could get in. As much as he wished for himself to be smarter than that, Josiah knew he wasn't, knew that if anyone, it was Louis who had always been the fastidious and smart one, but not him. Reading people should have come natural to him, but right here and now, in the darkness of their own home, he couldn't piece together what it was that had been tossed at him. "They have me, no, us. We can fight for them, no? But then again, maybe it's better if I do it on my own so you don't get into trouble. I wouldn't want that.", he soon decided. There were few things he could argue against, but this wasn't one of them, and for every minute he spent in here, he lost one out there, among the crowd, among the dispersed people that had long since gone to bed. "Or would you rather that I just leave with all the children, never to be seen again, to be safe, out of sight and out of mind?", he murmured with slight annoyance in his voice. Was he restless or sleepy? Maybe both, but what did count, was, that he wasn't going to lose this battle of theirs.

As nosy as ever, he was comfortable with the other mans presence in his life and in his close proximity; and as tired as ever, he was yawning about his life in every way possible. Currently, however, he wasn't even sure if he was going to be the one that would pass out first. Between the two, so much had changed, not only they themselves but also their demeanor and behavior, their entire personalities, or maybe their outlook on life. "No, but you're still being needlessly mean.", he corrected his pal. There was, without much of a doubt, no way around this, and even worse, there also was no way to say any of this without being truthful. No matter how long he'd think about it, though, he'd always come to the same conclusion and would have to keep himself from running his mouth off the course. "I know, I know. We both want all of them to do our best, but frankly, sometimes they just don't, you know? Sometimes, they come up with the wildest things - they're kids, after all, and I don't think that they would want to live a life full of hardship. So be nicer to them.", he insisted, elbowing his friend against his ribs. What an evil person he could be, but even then, what did it matter, really? "I have but myself to rely on, I get that, but still ... it's not like we don't rely on each other sometimes ... and now you're being corny. I understand you, but still." Josiah extended his hands and started tickling Louis torso. "You're too harsh on them sometimes."

"Stop worrying about me!", Louis complained. If he got into trouble, it didn't matter much, it was better it was him than Josiah. If they would have grown up in a different environment, they probably would have fought over who's going to be allowed to be kicked in the face for stealing some bread. Josiahs next suggestion, albeit not serious, was exactly what Louis wanted him to do, but he couldn't say it, nor could he tell his body to nod. On the other hand, he wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, after all the ringmaster would be furious and Louis wasn't sure if there was anything that would stop him from pursuing Josiah. He'd not just take him back in either, no way. Louis actually didn't want to know what would happen, nobody ever tried. The children that Josiah thought ran away at night, they didn't. Sometimes, no matter how good their performance and progress, Louis couldn't convince the ringmaster that their contract was upheld. It was purposefully vague and up to the ringmasters interpretation, but what was someone like Louis to do about that?

Was he needlessly mean to them? At the beginning, yes. Like with Arthur, because he wanted him to run before he entered the ringmasters wagon. He wanted them scared or at the very least annoyed. After there was little he could do but drill them to do their best. If it meant yelling them out of their beds, he did it. He never hurt them though, but sometimes he needed to push them to their limits in order for them to stay. When he thought about the hours Josiah and him had trained when they were kids, it felt like they never had time for anything else, but they liked doing it too. Some of them wanted to make Josiah proud and Louis used that to his advantage, but there were some that lacked discipline and motivation. "Many of them never needed to behave, work in a team or be disciplined. They aren't like us...", he tried to argue, but there was little to no use. Instead he got an elbow into his side, that barely coaxed a reaction out of him. Only when Josiah started to tickle him did he reach out and grabbed his friend by the wrist, pushing him on his back, though he knew wrestling with this man was close to impossible."When there is a show I'm nice to everyone for hours, isn't that enough?"

"I never will!", Josiah grumbled, all too aware that this wasn't the answer someone like Louis wanted to hear. No matter the circumstances, those two would always behave like a pair of conjoined twins, or at least one of them would act like that was what they were, without giving the other room to breathe - it was Lous own fault that he came here tonight, to someone that had desperately waited for him to finally talk with him after what felt like forever, and Jo couldn't help but be an idiot about it. Right here, right now, it was just the two of them, in an old wagon that thankfully still moved when it went back on the road, but even then, the slight tremors that shook the entire thing when they moved too much, wasn't it kind of nostalgic? This thing had always been like that, and Josiah couldn't help but get caught in the moment, just as his old friend was being an idiot. "And for the record, you never stopped worrying about me either, so stop being such a sourpuss.", he complained. After all, Louis was acting like the entire world had decided to be against him and the next time he'd get any kind of good news was when he lay on his deathbed, with flowers decorating his pale corpse and a choir of children sang his graces. Ew. Did it really happen like that?

Shoving and tussling, turning and roughhousing, that had never been anything new. Jos was used to it, knew that the two of them had been equal in strength for years, but maybe even that had changed, and what little reaction he got out of this guy satisfied him, but it just wasn't enough. They weren't back to throwing pillows at each other, kicking after each other, or even just wrestling in the most uncomfortable positions known to them - sure, they were adults now, but they also hadn't had fun for a long long time and thus, not only did he want to be nothing more than to not be left alone, but he also didn't want to give up. "They can be like us if they try, and for that, we need to be nice to them. I know what you're thinking: 'but they'll never get their ass up if I'm not mean enough to them and remind them of what they are supposed to do', and I understand that, but have you ever stopped to think that we are here for them to give them some fun and not just some sort of replacement for a life they could have had? And no, those smiles aren't enough, are they even sincere?", he cackled and grabbed Louis arm as he was tossed down onto the bed. Now that he lay there, for just a bit, he realized how he wasn't actually tired. "Come on now." Josiah rolled back into a sitting position without any kind of complication, snaked his arm around Lous neck and touched his nose from the wrong side around. Then, as if he'd simply stolen it off of his face, he tossed the invisible nose elsewhere, into the darkness past the candle shine that illuminated parts of his home. "What are you going to do without a nose?"