Gin knew that Kosuke meant only the best for those around him, even if he only spent such a short amount of time with him. No matter what, he’d never get off that horse and he’d most definitely make sure that those around him would be treated adequately; Gin already knew as much, hell, he was quite sure that he had less an idea of the raven haired man than he should, but even then, this … this was fine, was it not? “But you’re not betraying your family by accepting and allowing new people into your heart, and, also, if they wanted, they’d get them anyway, you know? It’s the unfortunate reality of things. They just need to be in your vicinity, wrong place wrong time, and you never profited much from their presence at all. You don’t need to hurt yourself, understood?”, Gin made clear. Nobody would get hurt as long as Kosuke was doing what was asked of him and if he stopped doing that, well, he’d reap the consequences sooner than later and he’d have to live with them, no matter what. But why would he hurt himself before even knowing if they’d ever happen? To the redhead, this handsome devil of a man seemed like an enigma, absolutely absorbed in the moment and somewhat selfish, even though that only seemed to make him more attractive, more desirable … more out of reach, did it not? If anything, Gin wanted him regardless, maybe now more than ever.
“My debt? Kosuke, that’s … I appreciate it, but, no. Don’t. Please. I don’t want that.”, he asserted himself and squeezed Kosukes hands. He’d never be truly free until the point that he’d have a bullet stuck in his head, be that by his own or his bosses doing; a future wasn’t something that Gin could buy for himself, or even others. His body was good enough to afford things, sometimes at least, but right now even that was rather out of proportion - he’d never manage to get his head out of that snare specifically. “You should focus on other things, on your own debts, got it? Be selfish. This is a dog eat dog world, we both know that - and as kind of you as that is, you’d be feeding the wrong maw.” A shake of his head was all; he couldn’t muster more, but the accursed thought ran rampant in his head soon enough. Freedom, true freedom, to be allowed back in a life he had foolishly cast aside - he’d indulge in it, out of ingenuity or better understanding of philosophical reasons, he’d simply enjoy it for what it was for as long as he could. Preposterous as it was, no matter how hard his heart was beating in his chest, he’d find himself doomed to an existence rarely understood by others for more than it was - why, if not for his own selfish reasons, was he even tying himself to Kosuke? “Is it … odd that I’m glad to hear that but at the same time sad about it? It doesn’t hurt you anymore, in a way, but it’s already hurt you plenty of times before. I doubt that felt good, and I doubt you were born a killer, just like that. I’m sorry, Kosuke.” Another thing he couldn’t do anything about. Gin was too late for everything, came to only the afterparty but ate from the buffet for all the performers regardless - Kosuke was something he shouldn’t have, couldn’t grasp, but he was right here, within his vicinity, and he was warm and reassuring; he was breathing and alive. “You’ve never not been, have you now? Even when we first met, you were upfront … but you changed your mind pretty fast. How’s that feel, finding out something new about yourself?”
“My debt? Kosuke, that’s … I appreciate it, but, no. Don’t. Please. I don’t want that.”, he asserted himself and squeezed Kosukes hands. He’d never be truly free until the point that he’d have a bullet stuck in his head, be that by his own or his bosses doing; a future wasn’t something that Gin could buy for himself, or even others. His body was good enough to afford things, sometimes at least, but right now even that was rather out of proportion - he’d never manage to get his head out of that snare specifically. “You should focus on other things, on your own debts, got it? Be selfish. This is a dog eat dog world, we both know that - and as kind of you as that is, you’d be feeding the wrong maw.” A shake of his head was all; he couldn’t muster more, but the accursed thought ran rampant in his head soon enough. Freedom, true freedom, to be allowed back in a life he had foolishly cast aside - he’d indulge in it, out of ingenuity or better understanding of philosophical reasons, he’d simply enjoy it for what it was for as long as he could. Preposterous as it was, no matter how hard his heart was beating in his chest, he’d find himself doomed to an existence rarely understood by others for more than it was - why, if not for his own selfish reasons, was he even tying himself to Kosuke? “Is it … odd that I’m glad to hear that but at the same time sad about it? It doesn’t hurt you anymore, in a way, but it’s already hurt you plenty of times before. I doubt that felt good, and I doubt you were born a killer, just like that. I’m sorry, Kosuke.” Another thing he couldn’t do anything about. Gin was too late for everything, came to only the afterparty but ate from the buffet for all the performers regardless - Kosuke was something he shouldn’t have, couldn’t grasp, but he was right here, within his vicinity, and he was warm and reassuring; he was breathing and alive. “You’ve never not been, have you now? Even when we first met, you were upfront … but you changed your mind pretty fast. How’s that feel, finding out something new about yourself?”
Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.