sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

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    • "Using me? For what? But, I don't mind either way.",Caelan smiled at Ronan, he didn't think Ronan didn't enjoy their time together right now and even if he was, by whatever he was helping, it was fine. Caelan though strong and with an unbending will, was probably often used, because he did like to help, even if he didn't gain anything from it. In fact as much as he had searched for a new girl, as much as he charmed them and really did bring them to his room, as much girls tried to get a piece of him. He didn't want to sound pretentious, but there were enough women that either wanted a quick adventure as well, or more likely, tried to sleep their way to the top, or in other words, tried to get close to Caelan of Fhaergus to maybe someday marry him. He wanted to think, that they at least had a night of fun with him after all, normally he spotted lies pretty easily. Why did every topic with Ronan turn into something depressing anyway? "You think of me as intimidating?", he asked and stuck out his tongue. "And somewhat pleasant? Oh my, I'm getting all flustered!" A short laugh left his throat, while Ronan was already making plans for his visit again. "Figured. After all hiking, or taking a walk, usually ends up with being far away from anyone else and it's quiet.", Caelan said, shaking his head. "Though, don't sweat it, I'm not going to run off if you need a break." Caelan was used to walking long distances, climbing rocks and swimming in cold water, but he wasn't one to go on ahead or push people to their limits, just to reach where they were going. The hike itself was the most fun after all, the destination didn't really matter as much. He kind of looked forward to it as well, Ethan and Orlando weren't people for hikes or Fhaergus cold weather and Caelan had never really experienced a second of peace when Cameron was around. He didn't mind, but hiking with Ronan would be a hell of a lot different. "You're right. So if you're using me, what are you using me for? You can't lie now right?", Caelan bluntly asked, with a grin, believing to have trapped Ronan now somehow. Though the answer didn't really matter to him.

      "Hm, well, then maybe we'll share our misery together someday after all.", Caelan said. He yet again had to talk about himself, didn't he? How was it never ever had anyone of his friends asked him these kind of questions and why did Caelan feel somewhat bad about everything he's been doing. Usually he wasn't as insecure, this must have been Ronans influence, though some self reflection wasn't that bad probably. "It's not like I'm not talking to them.", he defended himself with less conviction than usual. "I... uh... I guess I'll know when I find her. Though... someone who's not too much a typical lady I guess, riding, going hiking as well, something like that, but in the end my father will probably tell me who to marry some day.", he grumbled, because he neither had an satisfying answer, nor did he want to marry some girl he didn't even like. He rather jumped onto the next topic. "Having my room in your mansion is fine, after all I don't take girls all the way to Fhaergus every time. And why would you think, I'd need a bed? Or a room? Isn't the lake beautiful enough, reflecting the moon and the stars? Having a warm fire and a moss-covered ground with a blanket as bed isn't good enough for Ronan of Alster?" Yeah, it wasn't exactly Ronan who he wanted to seduce today, but mocking him just a little bit was fun.

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 2 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • "For whatever I want, but that'd be no fair - you're not using me, so why should I, of all people, use the future lord of Fhaergus as a chess piece in a game he isn't even participating in?" Ronan didn't know what to make of Caelan and all in all, it felt like he was wasting his precious time, trying to understand him - it was, without doubt, a futile effort. He wasn't a skirtchaser, wasn't going to pester women and give them all of his attention, he wasn't much more than someone who was unsure whether he was really alive or just pretending to be. Darragh would be overjoyed to hear that his first son was finally showing signs of maturity, that he finally had the courage to approach a girl his age and ask her for a dance or even take her back to his room, but Ronan already had realized that he didn't care for women, at least not in a romantic or sexual way. Often enough he'd catch himself, eyeing his opponent or one of his fathers male servants more than he should, his eyes particularly glued onto them and his throat dry, his voice hoarse - something he shouldn't allow to happen. "You're not tiny and lean, like me - you're towering over me and your voice has a nice ring to it, even if you're talking way too much." He had told Caelan that he almost never lied, so he came clean and admittied to it, took his gaze off of the stars and looked at the floating form of the blonde youth. "If you run off, I'll break your legs." Sugarcoating his words was, by far, the last thing he'd do, even though he was considering befriending Caelan would be the very last thing he did. "I'm using you to piss off my father and show him that I'm not to be toyed with. I'm not as simple as he thinks I am."

      "Why don't we disappear together then?", he asked bluntly. Ronan was aware, very much so, that he would die bitter and lonely, forsaken and forgotten, not with someone like Caelan - a lovers suicide was admirable and not impossible, but nothing he could envision, at least together with the blonde. The sun and the moon barely ever met and if they both represented one of them, that meant that they shouldn't have time for one another, that this would most likely be their only meeting. Ronan was used to people forgetting about him eventually, discarding him like a piece of trash they no longer needed - it wasn't anything new, or surprising. "Marry someone you probably don't even know, that doesn't share your interests - you'll have to learn to love her, gift Fhaergus an heir or two and after all is said and done, you'll realize that this wasn't the freedom you thought you had, but it's already too late anyway, because fate will have played you like a fiddle by then." Happiness was nothing he would be able to achieve, not here, not now - not in a world where Darragh was his father. The threat of marriage loomed over his head, towered over him, just like Caelan did and the right answer for all of this was, maybe, that he should have given up before he started. "So you'd rather fuck them in a guest room in my fathers mansion? How bold you are. And no, I never said that - but do you really think a girl would appreciate this? I'm not talking about the one you envision, I mean a proper lady you'd be supposed to marry." Well, Ronan knew that Caelan was right - the mood was quite romantic, even if he didn't intend on getting to know Caelan of Fhaergus all that well. Instead, he flicked a bit of water at him. "I like it here, it's somewhat quiet and relaxing, but I'm not someone you're trying to seduce."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "For someone not easily trusting people you are trusting me quite a lot.", Caelan smiled. Would Ronan have told anyone what he told Caelan today, or was there something about the heir of Fhaergus that made him trustworthy enough to tell him all these things? He wouldn't want nor was he going to disappoint the trust he was given, this conversation would stay between the two of them. He also wouldn't use Ronan himself, he had no reason to and even with jokes he was careful. After what he had heard and how Ronan was behaving, Caelan felt he was in fact a little fragile. Not in a matter of physical strength, or appearence, but he himself as a person and somehow he felt the need to help and protect him. A joke wrongly placed probably was able to destroy all the trust Caelan had gained. He didn't want that. The compliments however didn't seem to stop dropping out of Ronans mouth. "I... uh... you think?", he asked, if Ronan wasn't careful Caelan would really start to be flattered and as opposed to yet another girl, he took what Ronan said seriously. "You shouldn't talk yourself small though, after all you might be winning at the tournament." Caelan smiled again and looked at the sky, he was looking forward to a little fight and he was going to ask Ronan if he wanted to hang with his friends and him, avoiding all the boring Lords and Ladies with them. "You want me to shut up?", he asked smiling. He had always been one to just talk to people and befriend them, even if they originally didn't want to. He wasn't scared of being rejected and he was generally friendly to everyone, even to someone wearing a frown like Ronans. "Break my legs? You'd have to catch me first!", Caelan laughed. Ronan was actually a nice guy and he probably looked forward to a hike more than he wanted it to look like. "So you are using me after all. It's fine, though I'm not sure why my friendship would piss your father off though?", he asked interested. He was good at annoying fathers at least his own and what he heard of The Duke of Alster, he didn't like, so Caelan was happy to help annoying the hell out of him. If this was accomplished by just befriending Ronan, it was something Caelan had done eventually anyway.

      "Didn't you dismiss the idea of disappearing before?, Caelan asked grinning and shook his head, though Ronan probably couldn't see it very well. "I don't have any siblings or other family I could pass on the title. Somehow I still feel responsible for Fhaergus I guess." Wasn't this what Ronan and Caelan were raised to do? Taking on the titles of their fathers, ruling their countries? Was there any other reason for them to exist? Probably not, not in the eyes of their families and the two of them didn't even seem good enough for them. Was it even possible to please these two stubborn old men? Again Caelans thoughts took a somewhat dark turn and it wasn't going to get better when Ronan picked up the topic about marriage. "Well, marriages are just a way to gain power and control, I wouldn't dare to dream I'd be marrying someone I love just because of that. So maybe it's better to not find the right one, if I can't marry her in the end anyway.", he grumbled, meaning what he said. Maybe he in fact met the right one already, but he was scared to be disappointed when his father forbid it. "A Lady my father would choose for me would probably not be interested in the things I am, no.", he gave a very short answer and looked at Ronan from the corner of his eyes. His father would probably take a woman quite the opposite of Caelan and would hope she'd somehow pulled him to the ground and made him a good and responsible husband. "You're sounding angry.", he stated. Ronan didn't seem to approve whatever Caelan was doing with girls, which he in fact couldn't actually know. He didn't like to hear he was mistreating or using the women he met, but he couldn't exactly prove differently. Maybe he was using them to find what he searched for and to piss of his father. Caelan shook his head when suddenly some droplets landed on his face. He stood up, looking at Ronan. "Who's childish now?", he asked smiling, glad for the distraction and flicking some water back. "But you want me to!" Caelan laughed again, entertained the thought of Ronan having a crush on him one more time, this was way more fun than talking about their fathers, their countries or marriage after all.
    • „I can‘t stop talking and ignore you, can I? I‘m not one for smalltalk, so I’d much rather talk about something worthwhile than trivial things like the weather that’s going to change sooner or later anyway, so why bother?“, Ronan groaned. Yes, it was irresponsible to let Caelan know all of these secrets, that it was nothing that the fellow lord should concern himself with, but it was something that he could talk about without having to pretend he was someone that he definitely wasn’t - he was Ronan of Alster, a depressed mess that was trying his best, even if that would never be enough. „I wouldn’t lie, I already told you as much“, he insisted. They both knew almost nothing about one another, and the few things he had known about Caelan of Fhaergus weren’t all that positive - his father had called him a bigmouthed, loud and skirt-chasing idiot that was more than just airheaded. In the end, Caelan sounded more like a fool, maybe a clown, but he only seemed to mean well, tried his best to make him laugh and get rid of the tense air surrounding them. „I might, but I also might lose - even before fighting you. It’s up to fate and skill, really.“ He didn’t want to lose, didn’t want to show any signs of weakness and yet he did - he laid himself barren before his fellow lord and showed him all of it, ripped open his chest and presented his empty ribcage before him.„No, keep talking - I don’t think I can stop you anyway“, no, he didn’t want to admit that he liked to hear Caelan talking, that he liked to look at him and that he might actually find him somewhat attractive. All of this felt like a sin he couldn’t wash from himself, couldn’t get rid of no matter how much he tried - not even fate, or the gods, or the starts were able to answer his please and the man himself wasn’t irresponsible to kill himself, yet. „I’ll be sure to work on my stamina then, so that I can chase after you and eventually catch up.“ Ronan knew he’d fall behind, especially when he was up against someone like him, knew that he lacked skill in all aspects - but it didn’t matter. Subtle encouragement felt good, wonderful even, but he wasn’t prone to admitting it. „So, you ARE proposing that I befriend you - not just use you - but actually befriend you to annoy the everliving hell out of my stubborn father? Well, like I said - if you beat me and you desire me to be your friend, I shall comply.“ Was that what Caelan wanted? Or would he make his threats reality and have him strip out of his clothes in front if him? Whatever it was, they’d not find out until the blonde - indeed - won.

      „I did, but I wouldn‘t mind. Whether or not you can leave your own shackles behind doesn’t matter, I can, or will - sooner or later“, Ronan sighed. The black haired youth knew that all of this would culminate in one and the same thing - his doom.Declan would be left alone, would have everything to himself and yet he’d have to endure Darragh til the end of time and he’d keel over eventually. „But is it really your responsibility? You can do whatever you want and if the only concern is that your father only has a single son, then it’s not a really strong reason to stay. Isn’t it just some shackles you put onto yourself, that you can cast away if you’d like?“ They both were tied to a world they didn’t want to be in and knew that it were their duties that kept them chained to their respective titles and families - Ronan just wanted to run away, wanted to hide from all of his responsibilities and yet Caelan was right - it felt wrong to just disappear. „Political reasons or whatever riches your new wife could offer, but ... isn’t that lonely? Why would you even agree to marry someone you don’t love? Is it because that’s what you think you must do, rather than considering you could do something you actually want?“, he asked. The water had already seeped through his pants and the moon was glowing among all those stars - maybe he should consider himself lucky to be stuck here with someone like Caelan of all people, but all he did was, well, nag. He wasn’t one for affection, nor did he consider himself popular or lovable - all Ronan ever did was complain and hate himself for being blind and naive, while chastising others for being just like that. „I’m not angry, I’m just saying that marrying someone that you don’t know or love, just because your father has decided upon it, feels like we’re not free and you’re just bending to his unrelenting will.“ Ronan wasn’t sure if he was allowed to say such things, if he even could say stuff like that right to another mans face, but it was painfully obvious that he had no other choice.Having a crush on a man was one thing, but having others find out was another. Water hit him and he didn’t hesitate to splash some of it back at Caelan - he deserved it, or so Ronan thought. „We both are, but I don’t mind.“ He never found time to fool around with Declan, play games with him, except when Darragh finally let him off the hook, but that happened rarely, if it did at all. „Oh, so you think I want a man to flirt with me? Are you sure you’re not the one that wants me to fall for you?“ What in the hell was he getting at? This was getting dangerously close to a lifeline that Ronan wasn’t ready to cut just yet - Caelan couldn’t know and he definitely wouldn’t know. Not yet, or sometime soon. Or ever.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Hm, well, there sure a topics that are important but don't involve ourselves. Like... I don't know... uhm... maybe the king and his son who will eventually rule us. Something like that. But it doesn't matter really, if you want to talk about your father, I'll listen anytime. Not just today, I mean it." Caelan smiled yet again looked at Ronan who was so different compared to Caelans other friends. Sure, Ethan might have been as practical and quiet as Ronan seemed to be on first glance, but other than him, Ronan was in fact very emotional, presenting all this to Caelan after they met not so long ago. He looked like he was longing for something that loomed far beyond his reach when he stood there in the water, gave his sometimes snarky answers and said so much more if one only read between the lines. "Then I'm thankful for the compliments.", Caelan finally said, again smiling. His glance went past Ronan, checking the horses and the fire for a moment which still burned. Caelan wouldn't need it for the night, though it still was only spring and the nights not as warm as the days. But that was him, he always loved the cold. "Fate? That's not a concept I would have thought you believe in.", he said and making a somewhat encouraging face. "Well I can't exactly say how the tournament will turn out, since I never saw you fight, but first of all you need the right mindset. Believe in yourself and the fights will go off hand more easily. But whatever would we do if we never fight eachother at the tournament? The one who got farthest wins would be a little unfair, since we could just be lucky or unlucky with our opponents. A draw then? Or we'll just have to fight one on one afterwards, not officially. What do you think?" A draw would be most unsatisfying as much as not fighting him in the tournament. After all he wanted to fight him and not see how far they both got. "I can stop talking if you ask me to. It's not like I'm going to burst if I don't!", Caelan laughed, while looking at the stars again. He was able to keep quiet, just doing what he originally was here for. He wasn't as talkative as Orlando or Cameron, he also enjoyed some moments of peace, as long as he was able to spend these moments as he saw fit. Lying in the grass, watching the stars, feeling a subtle wind, all that felt good, alone or with someone else. Just because he met someone didn't necessarily mean he'd have to talk with that person all the time. "You'll do just fine.", he sighed with a smile. "I'm your friend as of now, if you are mine, that is not up to me and I wouldn't force you to it. Either you like me, or not, the only thing I can ask of you is your time, to show you that it's worth spending time with me, though I'm pretty sure, you are looking forward to a visit or two already. You don't have to admit it though. I'll get out of your face when you tell me to, but until then, I'll do whatever I see fit. I'm not exactly sure what to ask of you yet if I win to be honest. You have something for me in mind?"

      "So in fact you're more free than I am? I guess my father might be right and I'm not exactly cut out to be a duke, you said as much as well. But having the land be fought over should the Fhaergus bloodline disappear would be a toll on my people and I've got enough responsibility in my bones to not let that happen just like that. It would drag the whole land of Fhaergus down and I don't want to be responsible for anyone's suffering just because I am selfish. These are shackles I put onto myself, but at the same time, casting them off has too big an influence as to ignore it.", he explained, surprising himself with his honesty and seriousness. Usually he didn't talk about that or think as much about it, although it definitely was what he felt. He was a prisoner of his own fate that was provided by him at birth. He was supposed to do all that, continue the name, rule Fhaergus and do whatever these things required him to do. "It is lonely, but it's the world we live in, I'm not going to imagine a world that doesn't exist. Defying my father is easy, but sometimes he is right. Marrying someone influential will help Fhaergus eventually, instead of us standing still. We're small and we don't have the military capacity to defend ourselves properly, so we rely on alliances with other dukes. It's also not like everyone else is able to marry whoever they want, so... why should I be selfish just to get what I desire, when I already have a ton of money, food and a roof over my head, all of which things that commoners can sometimes only dream of? There are so many people having nothing, bringing one sacrifice is nothing I'm not willing to do to make it easier on them." Since when did he grow up as much? Was his father eventually getting through to him, making him do whatever he wanted? But it was true, his father wasn't stupid or heartless, he just had a problem with his son, not with anyone else in particular. "What about you? Won't you marry whoever your father decides you to marry?", Caelan asked, after all Ronan was the one making it sound easy now. Again some water hit Caelans face and his mouth formed a wry grin. "You're full of surprises, I haven't imagined you to like to joke around. Are you sure you want to start a war with me?", he asked sending more than some drops of water in Ronans direction. "Maybe falling for me will make you smile?", Caelan grinned, he was just making a joke, after all a man flirting with a man could be nothing more than that, a joke, right?
    • „But wouldn’t that just be some talk about something that doesn’t concern us in the slightest? You know, we’d just be ignoring everything we could talk about and focus on the things our parents would want us to? We’d have no chance to get to know each other, or even find out what we like. Though, thank you – I appreciate the thought, really“ Then again, they hadn’t even talked about that. All they did was have him lay out his suffering, admitting to being a horrible liar and overall acting like he thought he knew what he was doing. In fact, Ronan knew nothing, not a damn thing, but that was what he had to surrender himself to. „Good to know, Caelan.“ All that was he was left with were the few friends he’d always have, as long as he wanted to be Duke of Alster and as long as he tried his best to become someone his father would actually bat an eyelash for. Yet, his father hated him and put even more shackles onto him, locked him away and told him that the world out there was a toxic one, out to grasp his frail body and shatter it like a piece of porcelain. „Everything is ruled by fater – believing in gods is, well, lets say it’s not something I tend to do. Call me a heretic, if you will, but even the stars can tell me more about my fate than a prayer that’s never answered“, and if their gods existed, they’d help him escape, they’d reach out for him and they’d stop him from being as miserable as he was. „We’ll see about that when we have to fight one another“, Ronan concluded. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk, or that he just wasn’t up for one of Caelan’s senseless jokes – it just felt unfair to consider that no matter how hard he would try, he’d eventually fail and the only thing that he could blame was his own inexperience and stubborn attitude that had led to him watching all these tournaments from the shadows, if at all. „You don’t have to shut up, I’ll tell you once I’m tired of you“, he insisted instead. The to-be king, the future ruler of Myriad, was the only person he could call his friend and yet he was bantering with Caelan as if the two of them had been lifelong friends and not just met one another per chance. Maybe his throat would be sore soon and he would be unable to get out another word if this continued – he wasn’t using to speaking this much. „Oh, trust me, I can think of a few things I might want from you, so I’ll pick one sooner or later but … thanks for the encouragement.“ And if all else failed, he’d have to admit that it didn’t matter what he was trying to do, as long as he had his fun if he were to eventually humiliate Caelan.


      „I never claimed to be free, in fact, I think I’m quite the opposite – our shackles aren’t the same. If I cast mine off, it would mean I would cause a bit of a chaotic mess, but if you decide to rip yours off, well, you’d probably plunge Fhaergus into chaos and ruin all the efforts your ancestors have made until this day. But why would you stay, be your own prisoner, if you could just run and never look back?“ Ronan knew that neither of them were birds capable of flicht and he also knew, in fact, that they both had duties that were impossible to ignore, impossible to cast aside – if he hadn’t come here, he’d have other duties, waiting for him in the Alster manor and if he were to leave, soon enough, nobody would remember or even care he existed, except for his family and few friends. „You do have a point, but why would you marry someone if you could just form normal alliances? It’s not like marriage doesn’t make sense, but I’m sure that the great and noble Caelan of Fhaergus has someone he considers his best friend, probably a fellow duke or someone of almost equal standing, that is also heir to his fathers rank and will eventually come to aide you, if Fhaergus ever needs it. Marrying someone your father wants you to is nothing more than to obey him and it’s unfortunately something we have no say in, but I’ll at least defy my father until I can’t“, Ronan grumbled. Darragh had made a few attempts to show him young ladies his age, to maybe interest him in one or two of them, but none of them were all that eyecatching or had an endearing personality. After all, he couldn’t imagine marrying any of them, couldn’t imagine having a child of his own and he most definitely was unable to imagine a life where he himself would be happy. „I’ll have to, eventually, marry whoever my father or mother picks out for me, but … it doesn’t feel right, you know? You’d think that with all the riches and duties, you’d have some sort of freedom, but alas, nothing.“ And if here were to run away, far far away, back home to Thria, he wouldn’t be sure what to do. His actual father had told him that nobody was as strict as anyone in Adrestia was, but did he really want to cast aside himself and embrace his other half? Ronan didn’t think highly of himself and knowing Darragh, if he ever found out where his son was, he’d rip any and all wolves to literal shreds. The water hit him and somewhat brought him back to reality, before he joined in on the fun – and prepared for a counterattack. „Sometimes I need to!“, Ronan groaned. Though, suddenly he looked at Caelan somewhat crestfallen, confused – what did the Fhaergus brat just say? „Falling for you? Caelan, I’m still a man and the last time I checked, neither of us were into men – or are you insinuating I might as well be a woman? I have to disappoint you, then.“
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Caelan again felt the urge to laugh and he did, sincerely. He was easily amused and most of the time positive, but he wasn't sure if he had laughed that much on one single evening lately. What they talked about wasn't actually funny, but Ronans behavior was somewhat refreshing and... kind of cute? "That was a far stretch from not wanting to spend time with me, to wanting to get to know me. Well you're probably right, still, there must be topics not involving anything depressing.", he said, trying to think about something, but the conversation seemed to carry them and not the opposite anyway. Caelan in fact didn't mind all too much, Ronan did manage to turn Caelans thoughts to topics he usually avoided, but that wasn't bad either and at the same time he was having fun, it was almost weird. "Don't you think we can take fate in our own hands? Thinking all what's happening is just how it was supposed to be anyway is frustrating." No, he didn't want to think that there was already a path layed out for him. He was deciding what he wanted to do, if he was to stay and eventually rule Fhaergus, it was his decision and if he wanted to leave Adrestia, than it also was. No gods or fate, or other unseen power should have the control over his life, he couldn't stand that thought, after all everything done would be absolutely meaningless otherwise. "Well okay.", Caelan said, after Ronans answer was ending up very short. He didn't want to push him though, so he left it at that. Even though Ronan was telling Caelan not to shut up right afterwards, he wondered if he was annoying him already, but he didn't let himself be flustered, he rarely was. "Wanna give me a hint?", he asked. Caelan of Fhaergus always had been curious, so he asked one more time. He didn't know Ronan well enough to imagine what he would want.

      "I already told you why and you followed up. I don't know every single person in Fhaergus, but I know quite a bunch, we are a small country. But even if I knew not a single soul, I don't want people to suffer, quite the opposite, I want to protect them, whoever it is. The thought of me being responsible for pain and suffering, probably more than if I just try to rule Fhaergus, is nothing I could bare, even far away to the south or to the west. I'd be thinking about it all the time, I'd have no chance to rest and embrace the freedom I got. I wouldn't be free at all and I think Fhaergus will never let me go wherever I want.", he answered as honest as he could be. He wasn't sure if he ever was as honest to himself as today, talking with Ronan was almost therapeutic. "The great and noble Caelan of Fhaergus has friends and just as many enemies. I won't deny that I might have pissed off important nobles here and there as well, because I told them what I think, or... other things. My father will probably try to fix such a mess up by having me marry someone close to the people I pissed off.", he answered grumbling. He didn't like the thought, but what was he supposed to do? Of course he wasn't going to just say yes to whoever his father brought along, but at some point he would have to marry someone. "I think we have more freedom than most people and I for one don't have to worry much about anything. Maybe that's the price we pay but until then, I'm planning to do whatever I want... even after I may have married, I won't change just because of some woman." There was nothing much Caelan could do about any of this, but as long as his father didn't try to introduce him to a future wife, he normally didn't think about it. He'd deal with it when the situation eventually arose. He looked at Ronan, whoms face almost made him laugh again but at the same time he was unsure if he said something wrong. "The small height, the long hair, maybe you got me confused there.", he answered, winked at Ronan and tried not to laugh all too much. Ronan sure was saying a lot of weird things.
    • A carbon copy of Darragh, one might say, nothing more. His actual father was more of a joking, jovial and carefree figure, whereas the man that raised him cared about so much more than what others would think of him – Darragh had been poor, without a worthwhile name or title to his face and when he fell in love with Saoirse, it was something that was almost unheard of. Ronan wasn’t sure if his parents still loved one another, but he knew that he disliked his father and all the negative attention given to him by said man. „I can’t just tell you to piss off now, so let me enjoy this – unless you would like to spoil my mood, but that’s up to you“, he spoke and stared at Caelan for what felt like an eternity. Both of them were disasters in their own regard – whereas one of them was almost desperately seeking hope and beauty in a forlorn world, the other was trying to cast it aside and free himself from the mortal coil, only to wind up next to each other and realize that they both weren’t all that different. „We could, if we tried – but I don’t know if I want to just yet, maybe I’ll just let my fate run haywire, maybe that’ll cheer me up.“ They both wouldn’t know what to do, no matter how hard they tried – fate was not there for them to control and reign over, fate was there to be like water, dribbling down their face and make them realize that they were just slaves to the whims of fate anyway. „A hint? Does it suffice if I say that I’m unsure whether to humiliate or reward you? Or do you need to know more?“ Both of them were playing a game – and the tournament would be the same. There was nothing that had any real worth, except for winning.

      „That’s not even what I meant, but I think I can understand your standpoint. What I’m trying to hammer into your thick skull is, that it shouldn’t be something we should do, but we have to do, you know? I’d rather be myself than do whatever is expected of me and then slave away my time in Alster, being kept on a short leash and left wondering, maybe even yearning, for things I will never have because I agreed to marry a woman I don’t even love. I doubt we’ll find a loophole and escape Alster or Fhaergus, but as long as we’re here, we can at least share our worries with one another, I guess“, he explained to Caelan. Polar opposites of one another, but not only that, they shouldn’t even be here and they most certainly shouldn’t be getting this comfortable around one another. One day, Darragh would have his head – not for being gay, or refusing to obey him any longer – but for trying to befriend Caelan of Fhaergus and finding him somewhat attractive from the getgo. „You’re going to be lonely and miserable either way, then. I can’t say I haven’t pissed off the fair share of nobles, or that I haven’t completely alienated myself from everyone in our age range, but I did and if I’m unlucky, my father will insist that I marry someone I don’t even know – or ever had the chance of pissing off. My condolences.“ When push came to shove, he’d have to marry a stranger and he’d have to gift her – gift his country – with an heir, sooner or later. The thought alone didn’t sit well with him, so his hand reached for his neck and pressed against it, while he gritted his teeth. „We pay for our freedom with our freedom, that seems … not like the best idea, or am I wrong?“, he asked, almost sheepishly, as if he were the one amused by the few words spread out before him. Ronan considered himself naive, but if he was, Ronan was even worse – though, they both were horrible. „The next thing you’re going to say is that my voice is somewhat higher-pitched and that I’d probably look better in a dress than whatever I’m wearing and that I should crawl back home so that my father can protect me, or what? Don’t be silly – I’m not a woman“, he answered. Both of them were taking their jokes kind of far, but whereas Caelan probably didn’t have anything to lose, one wrong step or person could be the worst thing to happen to him. „And even if I was, I’d not be the one you’d want to marry -and you’d have to try harder when flirting with me, anyway!“ What kind of bullshit was he saying? He should be angry at Caelan, yell at him and tell him to fuck off and yet he didn’t. Today was a weird day, was it not?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Nah, nah, after all my goal was to make you smile, enjoying the conversation with me at least is the right direction, so let's keep going.", Caelan grinned, maybe Ronan did smile already, but he didn't tell, Caelan hadn't looked at him every single second, so maybe he snuck a slim grin past him. He was not looking at Ronan at every single second, Ronan however didn't take his eyes off of the young blonde for a while now and Caelan started to look almost confused. A second longer and he had started to think he had something in his face. "So maybe fate brought us together today?", he asked not taking it seriously. Maybe it was fate that just let them cross their paths and now they were able to make out of it whatever they pleased. If it was going to be a friendship or not was maybe not decided just yet, maybe after their journey they'd never talk to each other again, though Caelan wasn't plannig to ditch Ronan just like that. Until now the young Alster sprout hadn't made an impression that would have forced him in Caelans memory, but now that he knew him and also felt like he was the only person, he could talk about serious topics and his problems with, he didn't plan to let him disappear in his beloved shadows again. It was nice to actually tell somebody what problems he had to deal with every day. Even though he seemed carefree and most of the time in fact was it, Caelan wasn't the happy child he was supposed to be. Maybe he could have talked with Cameron, Orlando or Ethan, but it never felt right, it was always supposed to be fun with the three of them, always just taking Caelans mind off and as far away from his father as possible. With Ronan it was completely different, though Caelan felt Ronan told him much more about him and his family, Caelan still was able to get some things off of his chest too, it was somehow exhausting, infuriating and frustrating, but it also felt good and meanwhile they still were able to have fun. At least Caelan was having fun. "Reward me for a loss?", Caelan asked and tilted his head. That sounded weird and he also was pretty sure, Ronan was able to come up with something nasty, though Caelan was able to pull off a lot of things supposed to embarass him, without actually succeeding, because he somehow turned the tables, smiled and made it look natural. Orlando hated it and he was trying to get Caelan into some compromising situations here and then, it was almost like a game to him. "Well I'd like to know more, but I can wait, after all I'm telling you nothing either."

      "It sounds like if you could, you'd start a revolution, change the kingdom somehow and free the Lords and Ladies from their misery, though... it sounds pretty pretentious, no? Every time I complain about my life, I feel bad about it, because after all it could be worse I think... I dunno. Well, compared to what you told me, I shouldn't even complain in front of you, I guess my life isn't bad at all. I should be happy about it, or is this again wrong? Shouldn't I?" Caelan wasn't sure anymore, if he was starting to sound and think like his father, or if all of what he said was his own opinion. Two years ago, had he excepted so many things as fact? That he had to be heir, that he had to marry some stranger, was that something he never complained about, or only now started to accept, although he probably shouldn't? The problem however was, that he usually didn't think about such things and therefor neither approved nor denied much of it, now he saw himself confronted with it and didn't like his own answer, Ronan had managed to make the great Caelan of Fhaergus feel a little bit insecure. "Whatever, you're right, we can share our worries, maybe we should actually meet up now and then to talk, I... like it.", he said dismissing all these thoughts for now and instead gifting Ronan a slight and honest smile. "I think after I married, I'd still go hiking, visiting my friends and generally not be home much, I mean... maybe I even like my future wife, who knows, but if not the marriage won't stop me doing what I want, including visiting you in Alster and annoying your father." Caelan let out a deep sigh. "Maybe nobody is truly free." Back to a topic he actually did enjoy, he looked at Ronan, with his dripping wet hair that had yet to reveal how long it really was. "Oh you already can finish my sentences! Your voice is higher pitched and you'd look stunning in a dress!", he let out excited like a little girl, coming a little closer and trying not to reveal if he meant what he said or not. "You in a dress maybe is an idea if I win, hm?", he smiled, while his eyes wandered over the body before him, imagining how it would look like, probably weird, as long as Ronan didn't work on the face he made. "You'd not be the one I want to marry? Well, would I be the man you'd want to spend the rest of your life with?", he asked with the most longing face he could come up with, looking at Ronan like a lost puppy that didn't want to get back outside into the cold weather. "I should have caught you a fish! That would have shown you my appreciation, or maybe I should hunt a dangerous beast for you? Or keep taming those flames to keep you warm at night, though... I'd know other ways to accomplish that..."
    • „I don’t even have a choice, do I?“, he asked. Caelan of Fhaergus was not to be toyed with, even if he kept his gaze fixated on him and was unsure whether or not he was staring at him because he actually thought of him as attractive, or because he was jealous of Caelan’s well-trained body. Whatever it was, it didn’t necessarily matter – all that mattered was, that he should tear his eyes off of him and so he did, looking at the water reflecting the sparkling stars and the moon instead. „Maybe fate is responsible for my father being sick and deciding a cold is a good enough excuse to not attend a formal event like this, but who knows – I don’t think I regret coming here, yet.“ Once they’d slip out of the water and dry themselves off, preferably change into different clothes, he’d have to figure out how to explain to Caelan that he might have made a mistake by slipping into the water and enjoying it like this. Even though spring had already seeped into the lands of Lavern, it still didn’t mean that the nights were comfortably mild – and knowing himself, Ronan was very much aware that he wasn’t one to enjoy the cold as much as others would. Alster wasn’t barren, but most of the seasons involved snow in one way or another and the closer he got to winter – and thus to the coldest point of the year – the more he found himself huddled up beneath blankets in his room, trying to dispel the icy spikes that he felt in his body, that never went away completely and neither did the numbness in his fingertips that came with them. „Reward you for trying to beat me, that is“, Ronan explained and fixated his gaze on the actual nightsky again, wondering how it would be to not be himself, to be someone else that merely existed for others to acknowledge. If he were to rot in a ditch, he thought, that would also be endurable, maybe even more enjoyable. „Then so be it, Caelan. Once I’ve made up my mind and won against you, you will know.“

      „I can’t revolt against something that doesn’t exist, nor can I – as the future Duke of Alster, risk my life for something so stupidly idealistic as this. You can be happy or sad about what you want – optimism is worthless, though, I wouldn’t say I have it worse and I definitely don’t claim that you should be happy about your situation. You can talk to me if you want, you know.“ Caelan could think of him whatever he waned, but he had been the one that had told Ronan that the two of them were going to be friends, even if the black haired youth didn’t like it, he was now considered to be more than dust by Caelan. Should he be happy about losing not only his transparency in this world, but also the antsy feeling of having to interact with someone that had such an open-minded character? Maybe, but if he was, he’d smile – which he did not, despite Caelan making it his goal. What, if he just married him? That would not only be impossible by adrestian standards, but also because it was unheard of – as was not marrying someone to further his political standing, to gain more power and more land. Even if he dared to admit that he didn’t care for women, he still had to deal with the fact that, after all, nobody would care, unless they did and they’d execute him – but if they didn’t, if they’d feel like they’d have to fix him, they’d marry him off to a damsel in distress with more gold than brains. „Well, I wouldn’t mind having a hike around Fhaergus, or just hiding away somewhere, just so we can actually share our worries with one another, if you’d like, that is.“ There was no point arguing about the obvious and if he was lucky enough, it’d take his mind off of all these gloomy thoughts he was having, but just this once, so he could fully enjoy himself, if only for a second. „Seems like I’m out of luck if I want to get rid of you then, oh how bothersome, I think I need someone to save me“, he joked. If anything, Caelan dragged out parts of him that he himself didn’t know existed and maybe it wasn’t so bad that he did. „You’re right about that.“ The two of them were slaves of other peoples desires and generally speaking, they were the ones that sill had to bow to their peers – to their parents – will if they wanted to live longer than the ordinary traitor. „You …! Do you want to insult my honor and my pride, or are you just toying with me?“, he scoffed at Caelan, who already was busy closing the distance between the two of them, just a little more than he had already done before. „If you really want that as your reward, you’d be nothing more than vasting it. Unfortunately, you’ll have to win first, so try your best“, Ronan growled at the blonde and pulled his gaze away, once he had realized that it had glued itself back onto the other noble. Oh, why him and why here? „If I were one of those pompous young ladies, I’d probably be head over heels for you, but you ought to work on your attitude if you actually wanted me to stay for more than a night.“ I’d find you quite insufferable otherwise, he thought, but didn’t actually mean it. No matter what he tried, it kind of felt like he would end up with a fullblown crush on Caelan of Fhaergus, of all people. „I can’t do anything with these things, they are merely for show. If you actually want to show your appreciation, you could try to keep me warm or cook me something, but you really don’t have to hunt down a dangerous beast for me, lest you hurt yourself like the idiot you are.“
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "You'll always have a choice with me, after all we both want to escape a world with a very limited freedom, why would I deny you your own too then?", Caelan smiled, he wasn't going to make this into something Ronan was forced to, like the event he didn't want to attend, because of probably exactly that - conversations he'd rather not have. But this one, this one they both enjoyed, Caelan was sure, even if Ronan made some doubtful comments here and there, probably only because he was used to it. Proven after he admitted he wasn't regretting coming to the event and meeting Caelan on the way eventually... yet. For some reason Caelan was happier about it than was necessary, Ronan was a stranger nothing more and yet Caelan felt like he found a good friend if nothing more. If only Ronan was honest and was looking forward to some more time together as well. A mild breeze was everything making noise for a while, it was getting cold and Caelan decided to leave the water in a few minutes, to tend to the fire. "Ah, well that makes more sense.", Caelan laughed and it sounded quite nice. He wasn't actually going to make Ronan strip naked or wear a dress, a reward for trying was a very good idea. He'd also not ask him to be his friend, but maybe something like that. "I'm looking forward to you beating me.", he said, smiled yet again and looked at Ronan looking at the stars again. If he wasn't going to win just yet, Caelan would see to it that he would try again, until he won, Ronan looked like he was able to and maybe also like he could use a win. Caelan never let anyone win on purpose and he certainly wouldn't do it for Ronan, but he also didn't need to, he was sure of it. His assumption had no basis at all, just his gut feeling, but that was enough for the Fhaergus heir, it always was.

      "You're right of course.", Caelan said, it was idealistic but that never stopped Caelans thoughts from wandering to those places. A world that was like he wanted it, in which he thought he'd be happy, there wasn't anything wrong with dreaming, right? And yes, he was also optimistic, he wanted others to be happy - except his father maybe, though he did try often enough - and he deemed it possible... somehow. maybe he was naive, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to live in a dark world like Ronans seemed to be, one were he knew he couldn't do anything to change something, where he had no chance in being happy, he'd given up already. There was always something good somewhere. Caelan wasn't exactly sure, why he was surprised getting a serious answer to a serious question he raised and yet he was baffled for a moment, looking at Ronan as if he said something unbelievable. "Yeah I... appreciate it. Thank you.", he said, his smile weakened a little, looking fragile for a moment while his hand wandered to his neck. Abashed he was the one having to take his eyes off of Ronan for a moment, though he had said nothing more, than talking to him was an option for Caelan. Why did it mean so much to him all of a sudden? "Of course I'd like to!", was his reaction while he tried to regain his composure. "I know the best hiding places, trust me!", he grinned. After all he was hiding a lot, from his own father for years now. "Honor and pride?", Caelan laughed, he needed that short outburst to find back to his carefree and joking self. "You in a dress? I don't think it'd be a waste." He came even closer, grabbed one of Ronans hands and held it in his own. He smiled his most charming smile, looked directly at Ronan and at the same time looked like Ronan was prey being hunted by Caelan himself. "Oh whatever attitude would you desire? Most of the time one night is enough for me, but for you...", he joked, but his voice was sounding deeper and calm, like the silence before a storm. "Oh I intend to keep the fire burning and even try to catch and cook you a fish if you still want. But I must say, you being worried about me, about a beast hurting me, that's heartwarming." He looked at Ronan with the eyes of a man freshly in love, his best impression he used so many times, just for a moment to test his reaction. He completely ignored the insult, acted like it was a great compliment and din't stop looking at Ronan, nor did he stop holding his hand. It took a lot to not burst out in laughter here and now.
    • "So, that means the future Duke of Fhaergus is extending his hand towards me and telling me that, if I desire, I am allowed to escape my country and seek refuge in his own? How generous you are, Caelan", his words sounded almost as if he were acting like a damsel in distress, happy about the fact that he - no matter what - was welcomed somewhere else, if his own country were to abandon him. Ronan couldn't imagine that Darragh would be stupid enough to do just that, but he also was aware that one step in the wrong direction could, in fact, mean that he'd be on his own, stripped of his name and title, and thrown out in the cold, vast land filled with nothing but snow. Not only did Ronan love a challenge, but Darragh was one to love torturing those who acted against him, who acted against his wishes and who desired nothing more than for him to disappear. The young heir was quite aware that his father was nothing more than a slimy, sleazy eel that was trying his best to worm himself into the hearts and minds of many, to gain a better understanding of this world he hated so much, but that was about it - sacrifices would be made when they were due and Ronan would be no expection, if he were to act out of line. "And I'm looking forward to seeing you squirm beneath me and begging me for mercy", the noble mused and tried his best not to imagine what it would be like. Was he even allowed to physically harm someone? He doubted it. All these tournaments were usually for show, not to murder any nuisances or to actually blow off steam and anger - skill was, what mattered and nothing else.

      "Are you just agreeing with me, hoping that you do not anger me or is this what you actually think? Where's your enthusiasm? Or do you secretly loathe this world as well?" Ronan was unable to put one and one together - he knew that Caelan was unaware what he had meant with disappearing and he was quite sure that they had different intentions, but the darkness that arose in his heart from his own words alone was a force to reckoned with. Whatever it maybe, maybe his father was right, maybe it was wrong to try and befriend Caelan of Fhaergus - but not because he would be the one to plant seeds of doubt in him - they already sprouted long ago anyway - but because Ronan was the one that usually was exceptionally good at dragging others down with him, into the bottomless miasma he found himself in more than once in a week. "Do you want to take me on a hike or do you want to play hide and seek? What are you? My little brother?", he asked the blonde. No, it didn't offend him and yes, his tone reflected that - maybe he'd get out of his dusty, stuffy room for once and see the world and its bountiful nature for what it was, not for what he perceived it to be. His eyes wandered, as Caelan had taken ahold of his hand - he was confused and let his gaze wander upward, at Caelan, then back to their hands, before he squeezed it a bit. He was so close and yet seemed like he exuded warmth and Ronan was so tired and somewhat cold. "So, you'd actually want to see me in a dress, huh? At least pick a suitable color, then", he scoffed and tried his best not to lean in, press his head against Caelans chest - instead, he shook his head for a second. Just as predicted, the others newfound voice sent a shiver down his spine and Ronan, somewhat embarrassed to be so easily swayed, pressed his other hand against his own neck. All of a sudden, he averted his gaze, as if he was just acting like an embarrassed lady, swept off her feet by the smooth words of a hungry serpent. "Oh, you little jester. Is that how you get the ladies to follow you back to your room?", Ronan inquired. "What would they even answer? Something like, if you want to make yourself useful, then actually catch me a fish, yes? Be a dear and eviscerate it too, why don't you?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Of course, you can visit Fhaergus any time and do whatever you want. If you're only coming to avoid your home and don't want to have to do anything with me, that is fine too.", Caelan smiled and clearly meant it. It wasn't like he ran an orphanage or refugee camp, but all his friends were welcomed at his house for whatever reason and whenever they desired to do what they feel like. To Ronan maybe that sounded like something unreal, but Caelans father Allard would also not turn a noble away at any time, even if they arrived at the worst time possible. Again Caelan laughed because of Ronans words, though he couldn't be sure if he was joking or not. "Oh please, almighty Ronan, don't hurt me! After all it was stupid of me to even challenge you! I'm nothing more than a worm, not even worth dirtying your blade!", he acted being scared, afterwards his grind returned to his face. "Something like that?", he asked. He didn't think that would ever happen, after all Caelan kneeled for no one except maybe the king or a beautiful woman, though... that invalidated the nobody already. At least he wasn't going to do that in a fight, even if it was serious and no tournament, he'd rather die than to come crawling and crying like a beaten dog, he was stronger than that.

      "I am agreeing on the first part, it is idealistic and you can't sacrifice your life or title for it. I disagree with optimism being worthless. If I'd think the world wasn't going to change or be better at some point, I'd long given up. I'm sure we'll both be able to live a happy life someday, if you're thinking quite the opposite, then maybe you are stronger than me after all, I'd not want to accept that and if I would I'd give up. I am sure there must be something that brings even you some joy and if you haven't found it yet, i#m happy to help you search for it.", he answered, after all speaking his mind like he should have done in the first place. How was it possible to pull Ronan out of his little swamp he seemed to slowly drown in? Well Caelan was going to start with being his friend and dragging him to fun activities. He grinned again, tried to make Ronan smile already too. "If you prefer playing hide and seek, I'll do that to, but I actually meant hiding from your father, but I intended just a walk, maybe showing you the stars from a better spot than this one and until then, you should be studying up on that topic. Caelan of Fhaergus knowing better than you, do you really want that? After all I'm an idiot." He was an idiot or at least he was playing that role very well. Charming yes, maybe even well-versed but also hotheaded and generally not interested in anything else than fights and girls, that's what his father saw in him and that was what he got. "I think blue would fit you well, maybe turquoise, something calm and at the same time mysterious." Maybe his answer was to serious, but that would be the color he'd put Ronan into. Caelan had expected Ronan to escape his grip, but instead he squeezed his hand and his eyes were wandering as if he searched for a way out, after all this was a reaction he somewhat knew and he didn't have thought Ronan would act like that. "They'd probably answer the same as you just did, if playing hard to get.", he kept smiling, but wasn't sure if he was going too far, after all this turned out differently than he expected though he still liked it. He put one hand on Ronans chin and forced his gaze back on himself. "Maybe I'll get a kiss if I'll catch you a fish?", he grinned, his voice still soft and calm, but instead of waiting for an answer he let go of Ronan completely and turned towards the shore. "Jokes aside, you're getting goose bumps, let's warm up. But if you really want, the offer with the fish stands." Though now that the moonlight was the only light source the difficulty increased immensely. Caelan however made his way back to shore, shook his head to get rid of at least some water and turned towards Ronans horse which surely had something that could be used as a towel in it's saddlebags. As soon as he found something he turned around to throw it in Ronans direction.
    • "Maybe I'll just hide in the Fhaergus mountains then and become some sort of ugly monster that everyone is afraid of, so I can finally enjoy the silence and peace I'm yearning for", Ronan added. Were it not for his looks, maybe if he looked like a wolf - way too tall, buff and grouchy - people would turn away from him and not think of him as the runt of the litter, only being about as easily pissed off as most of his half siblings, if he had any, aside from Declan that was. "You really know how to piss me off and make a fool of yourself, don't you? I'm horrible at joking, so yeah, I had that one coming for me, didn't I?", he asked almost sheepishly and then let the topic slide off. Caelan of Fhaergus was the actual force to be reckoned with, he knew that now, but he didn't want to admit it - compared to him, he wasn't much more than a spec of dust on a lense, showing the rest of the vast world and exposing oh so many things that one could only dream of. "But, you're good at acting, I'll give you that - but are you a good liar as well?" Ronan wasn't certain, but whereas Caelan did not strike him as someone who'd easily lie, he also thought that - if he did - his lies would at least be believable, unlike those of his own. Lying had never been his forte and if he told them, then only in passing, as little ... untruths, as he'd like to call them. No, Ronan of Alster wasn't a liar, just someone that needed some resources to keep himself afloat, from time to time that was.

      "So you want to drag me out of the murky miasma I've sunk myself in and make me understand that it is, in fact, not wrong to believe in a miracle or just be optimistic? I'd love to see you try, then - I really do, Caelan." If he were to fail, so be it - Ronan didn't mind and lest he realized that he had made a mistake, he'd rather hang himself from one of the trees in his fathers garden than to realize that there might still be something about this world worth living in. Saoirse had never dared to see him in a different light, but rather still declared him her son - even if she knew that his birth had been a mistake, on more occassion than once, really. "Well, if you want to help me hide from Darragh, I would appreciate that - as much as I'd appreciate you lending me a hand, actually. And well, I really don't mind you having the upper hand, even if just for once - don't you worry." Were they seriously straying away from all those topics they had, just to lighten up the mood a bit and divulge themselves in things that sprouted from their childish desires? Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't how he had imagined this night - not with someone like Caelan, musing about what color would suit him. "Well, then do your best and don't disappoint me - at least I'll look someone classy." He'd never wear the dress anywhere else and Caelan would most definitely waste his money if he'd just have it made, simply for seeing Ronan in it once - and even if he did have someone make it, how'd he even explain something like that? His expression went from a bit worried, to almost shocked with a mix of confusion as he looked at Caelan, who had the audacity to treat him like this - and he couldn't say that he disliked it. "Dream on, a fish isn't worth a kiss - neither from me, nor the actual lady of your dreams", he scoffed, as he felt something in himself tensing up and a cold shudder spreading through his burning skin. "Well, I have some bread and cheese, that'll suffice too - or else you'll get sick", Ronan explained, as he made his way out of the water and just shook his head as Caelan took what he wanted from the young nobles saddlebags. "You aren't one that respects personal space or boundaires, are you now?" Whatever. He loosened his hairtie, had the wet strands of hair fall down, drapping themselves partially onto his sholders and took whatever the blonde had tossed at him to dry them and his body, ignoring the wet pants that he still was wearing, before he grabbed the shirt he had tossed aside earlier. "So, what now, fisherman?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "You can hide in the Fhaergus mountains without turning into a monster to have people leave you alone!", Caelan laughed. "I told you, I know all the hiding places, if you really want, no one would find you there if you listen to me. You could live in an abandoned mining tunnel, though beware of falling stones and you'd need to head down the mountain for wood and maybe food, if you're not lucky enough to shoot a hawk!" Probably he talked too much and it was painfully obvious, that Caelan had hidden in the mountains already, for a few days that was. The mountains of Fhaergus were all around his home and it took a long time to search for someone there. A lot of people went missing even, probably because they strayed past the streets and fell or froze to death. The mountains were harsh and unforgiving, Caelan liked that and it made it harder to search for someone, even if knowing where to find them. "Well thank you, another compliment!", Caelan grinned and considered himself also a good liar. "I think so. Though I don't do it very often." Except from playing happy family with his dad whenever they visited someone and that for the entirety of the event even before his friends. He was a hypocrite.

      "Well, I will try, I won't stop seeing good in everything, just because you can't. I'll show you that there is more to see if only you get rid of your fathers shackles for a moment, I know that all too well. I stopped caring a long time ago and thus I know that my father might have his ways of binding me to the ground and family name, but I'm also free if I want to be.", he smiled, Ronan will see and if his father turned out to be even more angry, Caelan would help Ronan even more, protect him even. He wasn't sure why he felt the urge to do that for a stranger, but he did. Maybe the dream of being a knight didn't stop circulating trough his had since he was a child. "Hm, then I'll tell you about the stars while we are hiding from our fathers, that sounds good doesn't it?" Ronan taking his hand that easily seemed almost unbelievable after his entrance in the woods before, frowning and sighing because he met Caelan by chance. "I'd let you make a beautiful dress, just for you!", he laughed, again imagining Ronan in said dress, maybe even dancing with Caelan and stepping on his feet more than once. "Me getting sick? Again you worry about me!", he let out somewhat excited and smiled over his shoulder. "But don't you worry, me getting sick from cold water? I'm from Fhaergus, Alster is cold, but Fhaergus is colder and even Fhaergus' summer nights are colder than this current spring weather in Lavern." It was true, the night was nice though, the temperature not too warm that he wouldn't be able to sleep. Laverns and Olettes summers however almost killed him every time, the warm weather even at night usually kept him awake and turning in his bed. "Why, I searched for a towel for you, not for me, right?", he said as if he had done nothing wrong with searching through Ronans bags. Caelan was looking at the long hair for a second, that fell around Ronans body, dripping from the water, they were quite long after all, but he rather turned his gaze towards the fireplace. "I'm tending to the fire, so you'll stay warm during the night and then... we'll talk or sleep, whatever you prefer."
    • "And what if I'd rather be a monster? A pretty face never saved anyone from unwanted attention, you know", Ronan said, seemingly selfish enough to call himself pretty. Though, was he wrong? Caelan was the one that had told him that he - in fact - looked like he could be a woman, that he'd look good in a dress and that he did have a higher pitched voice. What was next? Him, claiming that Ronan was nothing more than a petite damsel in distress that as just waiting to be saved and held, protected and tucked away in a chamber, out of harms way? "You sound like you've done that quite a lot already, haven't you? But thank you for the advice, I'll consider it the next time I find myself in the Fhaergus mountains", who knew? Maybe he could spend a winter away from home, hidden in Fhaergus, though, he was sure he'd never survive the temperatures outside, so he'd either have to mask it as an official visit for Caelan or be upfront about his motive and lie to his father once more, telling him that he desired to study somewhere else for a little while. "An optimist, if I've ever seen one, no?" Normally, he'd not only think of Caelan as insufferable and undeniably annoying, but here and now, it almost felt like it was good to have a companion like him, someone, that loved to run his mouth and never stopped. "So we both like to tell untruths, sometimes."

      Who was he even lying to? For one, he was more interested in the body of the man that stood across of him than anything else, interested in how it'd feel on his own skin and curious whether or not his hands were rough and calloused as they looked, or if he was wrong and Caelan of Fhaergus actually did have smooth skin, warm to the touch and enjoyable to say the very least. "And I keep to myself in the birdcage I've been put into and chrip and sing on command as ordered, well, I hate it but I'm unable to dent the cage bars in, so that's my loss, not yours. But try as you might, no mater how much you fiddle around with it, it won't come undone - no lock ever did", at least not if Darragh was the last one to touch it, anyway. What, if not a show of his supposed strength, was it then? Alster was no utopia, no matter ho hard one would try to make others believe such things. "Yes it does, I'd love that, actually", he admitted to Caelan, as he scrubbed the remaining water off of his body, as best as he could anyway. Why was he doing all this and why again was he even here with Caelan. "Good, then find the best tailor you can." Theoretically, this was nothing but a jest, a joke and something that shouldn't be taken as serious and yet he felt his pride already wanning away, just because he thought that - maybe - Caelan wasn't wrong. "Well, then I take it back and I'll say I'm not worried about you in the least - if you can survive, I'd love to see you struggling against the heat tomorrow morning", wasn't he the one that had complained about it being too damn hot anyway? Ronan didn't mind, he knew himself all too well and was very much aware that the cold climate in Alster would do him in before any ray of sun in Lavern would. "Well, thank you, but you still should dry off - there should be another one in the saddlebags after all", he said, as he draped the now-wet towel over his shoulders and stepped forward, back to his horse, and emptied out some of the saddlebags with ease. Some of this was useless - like the many riches they had packed him - and other stuff was useful. He threw his own towel across a low hanging tree branch, before he stepped back and handed Caelan the towel. "However generous you are, Caelan. How can I return the favor? Do you want me to tell you a secret or two?" Ronan was merely joking, nothing more.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Haven't you said you had managed it until now to hide and be unseen in all the crowds most of the time? Or is it the other way around, because your pretty face caught my attention?", he asked with a sly smile. For some reason he liked flirting with Ronan more and more and he couldn't deny that he was, his reactions were too funny at least that was what he told himself. It wasn't a lie either, Ronan had a pretty face, though it wasn't exactly what caught Caelans attention, more or less it was the grim look on his face that Caelan wanted to change somehow, maybe to have his face look even prettier? In a dress he would look good either way, maybe with some make-up he could even look a little more girlish, but that wasn't really what Caelan was after, it would just be funny to see him frown over it and the fact that it was still topic was amusing him too. "Well yeah, even Fhaergus soldiers can't find me up there, they tried, believe me.", he confessed, scratching the back of his head. How old was he when he decided to try to survive on his own for a week? Ten, Eleven maybe? His mother thought he was dead already, crushed on the foot of the mountain somewhere, because Caelan always had to climb on everything climbable and not climbable. His parents sent soldiers to look for him in the woods, on the mountains, in the tunnels and after a week of search he just came back home as if nothing had happened. He himself didn't even notice all the fuss until he was home. "Sometimes a lie saves you a lot of trouble.", he simply said, this was probably the only reason he did lie.

      "I'll take the whole damn cage with me then!", Caelan announced, he wasn't going to let Ronan drown himself in his pity, he was going to show him all of which he needed to stay sane and himself, when his father got under his skin again. "Then we have a date!" maybe the winter in Fhaergus wasn't something Ronan would enjoy and Fhaergus would be cut off anyway, though that would free him from his father for at least three months. However, the summer was probably just as good, since Caelan was already worried before and deemed it rather warm even outside of the water while Ronan was obviously cold, the summer would probably be best if they wanted to sleep under the stars they would look at. Ronan was right too though, the heat tomorrow would at the very least annoy Caelan. "Don't you remind me!", he was wailing, the thought of him sweating another whole day again wasn't pleasant at all. Maybe they could leave in the early morning to at least have it cooler most of the way. He'd also sleep a few feet away from the fire, where he put more wood into, to have it burn through the night. Maybe he'd need to stack up again in a few hours, but he was used to do that through a night. For now he took the towel from Ronans hands and dried his body a little, including his hair, he wasn't thorough at all, he just did it because Ronan was deeming it necessary and let the towel hang over his shoulder afterwards. "Thanks." He let himself fall to the ground, landing cross-legged and looked at Ronan with in interested face. "It better be a good one. Shoot!", he said, though he probably already heard a lot of secrets, but this time, he wanted something about Ronan himself, not including his father.
    • "I did, because I immediately started to avoid them. If I'm stuck someplace like here, with you, right up in my face, it's kind of hard to brush you off and to intimidate you! After all, being taken serious like this is ... almost impossible, especially when I'm standing so close to you", he sighed. Of course, the older he got, the older he'd look and the more of his somewhat feminine features he'd lose, maybe he'd even grow a beard after all, but for now he was stuck with that pretty face of his and the nastiest scowl imaginable on it, just to make people fear him and leave him alone. On one hand, he pitied himself for not having friends, on the other, he was kind of glad that he didn't - he few he had would suffice and Caelan stuck out like a sore thumb among them, but he wouldn't mind - there was worse, after all. "So you like to disappear too, that's ... a surprise, but not really." He beckoned that, once he had learned that he could leave the Alster manor without repercussions, he did - sometimes for one or two days, often enough for a week or longer, hiding away somewhere in a forest, or an old shack, with the keys in his possession. Spending a night in an old, wooden hutch was far less comfortable than his room, but he enjoyed the silence and the nature around him - as well as the fact, that nobody would ever find him, because they'd not even try to. "That's ... true. Lies saved me more than just a bit of trouble, as far as I recall." But that would also mean that, after all, his entire life was nothing more than a enormous lie, upheld by himself and his own mother.

      "Smash it against a rock, while you're at it - or try to find a key, if my father hasn't weld the door shut. Unless you want to keep me around as your songbird, but I think that'll be more enjoyable than to be my fathers, anyway." He trifled, often enough - stumbled over his own feet and words, over the things that he thought about and over so many stuff that he thought he never cared about. Ronan was, without fail, a young man that had given up on life before he had started living and every single thing about him told just that. "For fucks sake, don't call it a date!", he yelled at Caelan, even though he was aware that he liked the sound of it, more than he should. Caelan was merely toying with him, just like everyone did, he told himself - this conversation would be meaningless, in the end the blonde noble was nothing more than a skirtchaser, out for some fun and a beautiful girl, beneath him in his bed. Ronan was, despite talking about the dresses, not like that - he was a man and he'd never want to be something else. "Oh, I will annoy you, trust me!" They both were polar opposites, but maybe that was, what dragged them towards each other, fated them to meet here today and made them ... what? Friends? It felt weird and yet, it made him feel giddy - something bloomed in that little, rotten piece of coal he called his heart, he was sure. "No problem", he said, as he sat down across from Caelan, eyeing him. "I ... that was a joke. But, if you insist", Ronan sighed, as he rubbed his temples and tore away his eyes from the handsome devil that had - unfortunately - developed a soft spot for him, as it seemed. "I could start by saying I can't do shit right, but that's not really a secret if you get to know me better. But, I think the amount of times I've run away from home - mind you, I'm supposedly nothing more than Darraghs lapdog - amounts to so much that I'm afraid I can't count it. Hm. I don't have any interesting, believable secrets but ... I don't have a single scar, either." He'd rather not tell the puppy he was into men, or partially one of those from the Land of the Wolves, but Caelan wouldn't believe that one anyway.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I am taking you serious though.", Caelan smiled his typically calm smile that reflected that the world was just okay as it was, at least in this moment. "And you asked me to stay after all, you could not have talked to me in the first place, but you did. maybe just because you're polite, but that isn't necessary and after all we talked you should already know that." Intimidate Caelan was almost impossible, no matter where they were, but Ronan wouldn't have caught Caelans eyes probably, after all he was mostly looming around with his friends, or flirting with some girl, if Ronan had never spoken to him, he wouldn't know him, but neither because he was pretty, ugly, or grumpy, just because Caelan didn't really focus on all the faces anyway. "Hm, is being close to me making you nervous?", he added a question, he really wanted an answer too, though it sounded as flirty as before. "It's a surprise I like to disappear? After all I have told you already, which I haven't told anyone else may I add." True, Ronan talked way more, give way more information though Caelan wasn't sure why his father hated him as opposed to the knowledge about his own fathers hate focusing on Caelan himself.

      "I'll try, I promise and I'm strong so I may succeed, but I wouldn't want to hurt you in the process." Ronan was someone needed to be saved after all, he might have been a princess as well and Caelan his knight in shining armor, or something like that, though they wouldn't marry in the end as opposed to their little jokes before. He laughed still, this time because of Ronans little outburst. "It's cute when you curse!". he let out. Ronan was telling him to wear a ac and behave before a fellow Lord and yet he himself took off his shirt and now cursed in front of Caelan just like that, forgetting all his manners. "I'm going to be unbearable tomorrow, if you keep reminding me how hot it is, I promise!" Well that may have been a lie, because most of the time he was just not up to talking or doing anything anymore, though it wasn't so bad especially when having company. The worst thing still was the lack of a fresh shirt. "You know, if you tell a joke you oughta smile, so people understand.", Caelan said, stuck out his tongue and listened to the secret he got to hear. "You're an idiot, that#s what you are. There are probably a lot of things you're good at!", he disagreed, that was a stupid secret, the second... "Well I can't count my times running off either, but I haven't thought of you as someone defying your father like that already. Very good." As if Ronan had passed a test or something, Caelan nodded satisfied. "Not a single scar though? How did you manage that? Maybe you're better with the sword than me after all and better at running away into nature." Caelans gaze wandered over Ronans body as if he could see what was hidden below his clothes.
    • "You are, but nobody else is and that's kind of the thing I'm struggling with, you know", Ronan explained. He knew that Caelan didn't seem to be someone, willing to pass all of this off as the act of a jester, rather than an act of sincerity - and he was very much aware that, compared to others, he wasn't just someone to be played like a fiddle, not even by someone as great as his fellow to-be duke, no matter the circumstances. "That's ... true, you are right about that, after all. The thing is, it kind of feels like I wasn't just talking to you to be polite, you know? Personally, I wouldn't call it a hunch, but whatever you exude, it makes me feel comfortable", and that was the truth that he desperately sought to avoid, lest he'd sound weird and have someone like that stick to him, or shove him away and tell him - to his face - that he was nothing more than a weird creep. Nothing like that had ever happened to him, no, he didn't even dare to act upon his urges at any point, but he knew that his behavior wouldn't be met with the friendliest response. "N-Not nervous, no! I just think we both could use some personal space!", he lied to Caelan with gritted teeth - yes, it was making him nervous and yes, he had his gaze particularly glued back onto him again and yet again, he tore it away and rather looked at the fresh grass, swaying in the mild breeze. "That's why I said that it didn't actually surprise me. And ... I feel honored, and won't tell anyone else."

      Who was Caelan, if not his worst nightmare? A serpent, with a sly grin on his friendly face and so many flattering words up his sleeve, it felt somewhat weird to even know that Ronan, of all people, was the only one he had shared his worries with - someone as insignificant as him, as lonely and unsightly, compared to the boastful Caelan of Fhaergus that had so many friends and even more people that admired him, if only for his dashing looks. "Try your best, my body can take a good beating if it must, don't you worry about that." And if he was unable to flee, he'd just die in said cage, all alone, without ever getting the chance to taste the freedom he so desperately sought out, as it wrapped itself around his neck and pulled taut, to show him that he didn't even deserve a crumb of it. "It's not!", he retaliated and got more agitated than he had been before. Not in a million years would he tolerate someone like that calling him cute, no matter the circumstances and no matter the reason all of this happened, anyway. "Then die of heat, Caelan! And whine all you want while you do!" What did he care? To him, this brat was nothing else than ... what, if not a supposed friend and an object of affection? Ronan shook his head - what in the hell was he thinking? "I already told you I haven't smiled in years, though ..." Once again he cast his gaze aside and avoided the blue marbles that were digging themselves in his pale skin. Caelan needed to fuck off sooner or later, no. "Then I'm an idiot, you idiot. And, well, I like to hide in Alsters woods when I find a chance to, or my old man pisses me off, which is something he's pretty good at." Why was he getting approval for being an insufferable brat? "I only ever fought with my instructors and I wasn't the loud, active type of kid like I should have been. Silent, shy and afraid of so much shit that I can't even count it. I know you're eyeing me to see if it's true, but you really don't have to - I'd gain nothing from lying to you. Do you want me to fucking undress or what?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
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