sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    Diese Seite verwendet Cookies. Durch die Nutzung unserer Seite erklären Sie sich damit einverstanden, dass wir Cookies setzen. Weitere Informationen

    • Caelan sighed deeply, without really having a reason, he enjoyed lying in the grass, that was all. The sun was almost gone and finally it started to get colder. The flame next to him wasn't bothering too much, not with the cool breeze swaying gently around them. Maybe he should have taken a break earlier, he felt like he rode forever, which he actually did, he wanted to bring as much distance between himself and his father as possible, though he'd never be able to truly escape him, this was just an illusion he indulged in. He didn't try to hide his yawning while he looked at the sky again, some stars already started glimmering there. "Disappoint me? How? Because you don't smile, or you aren't making it hard enough?", he smiled. Caelan was not easily disappointed, after all he never really had any expectations to begin with, as much as everything else, he just lived in the moment and waited for things to turn out exactly as they were. He rarely thought about possible outcomes and situation, why would he, when he couldn't control all that?

      "A few years?!", Caelan blurted out after hearing Ronans answer. Years without smiling or laughing, how was that even possible and how could Ronan be so calm about it? Was this a joke, or was Ronan really that unhappy with... well whatever it was. To be completely honest Caelan wasn't even sure how he should respond to that, Asking him why seemed way out of place, considering they only really knew each other for maybe half an hour, even Caelan noticed that. "You're kidding, right?", he still asked but didn't know if he would want to hear the answer to his question. He briefly looked at Ronan, who was looking at the sky himself now, still sitting unbelievably diligent next to the fire. "I don't mind staying here and I don't mind leaving. Whatever you prefer.", he answered, not sure what Ronan truly wanted. "I really don't mind, you can be honest with me." Did he really want to stay here? Did he really want to go? Actually... he was being honest, he rode a long time so a nights sleep sounded intriguing, but so did the cool air at night, that made it much more comfortable to travel. Well... whatever was fine really. "Why would it be an advantage to wear a shirt as opposed to me? Actually Lavern is hot and I hate it, if anything forcing me to wear clothes is a disadvantage for me.", he laughed, only half meaning it as a joke. It wasn't like he fainted if it got too hot, he just hated it was all. "And telling me I'd be a disgrace without pants makes me wonder what you think you'll see... that almost hurt!" This was a joke as opposed to what he said before, yes, this was one hundred percent a joke. Even he wouldn't dare showing up pantless anyway. "I... yeah I guess? I mean... I think I could worry a little more at times. But some situations can't be changed, so what's the point in dwelling over it? And other situations are unpredictable, so you'll never be able to prepare. I dunno... I never worried much about anything."
    • "Both, for sure", he answered. If anything, he wasn't keen on teasing Caelan to death, per se, but he would still try his best to annoy the everloving fuck out of him, that much was for certain. What else was there to do, anyway? Ronan had nothing - he was supposed to head to the event, annoy some of his father's business partners with the usual talk about finances and things that had to be done, sooner or later, and then he was supposed to leave, go back home and enjoy the silence in his room. Incidentally, this also meant that he was pretty much supposed to just enjoy the small bit of freedom he was given, the path from Alster to Lavern and back. By agreeing with himself that he was, in fact, a rather lonely creature, he cut his own alone time short and surrendered himself to Caelan, who - by all means - was nothing more than a pebble on the road. "Maybe I'll just disappoint you by existing, you'll find out sooner or later", the black haired youth chimed in and, eventually, left it at that. Caelan wasn't his father, wasn't one of his peers but just some guy his age that should stay away from him, but something told Ronan that this was exactly gonna be, what the blonde man wouldn't do.

      "Uh, yes? Is it that surprising?" What was he even doing? He felt uncomfortable at social events and being alone, in a stuffy room, enjoying a good book for five, didn't usually make one smile - no matter what he tried, the slightest grin on his face eventually disappeared and laughter was something he could fake, but hadn't genuinely let spill from his lips in a few years. "If I was kidding, I'd not have constant scowl on my face and would make it as hard for you to make me laugh, no?" Had he been living under a rock or was he just so depressed, he only now realized that he couldn't continue living like this? Whatever it was, really, Ronan wasn't sure. So far, he had always tried his best to at least appeal to people that feigned interest in him; tried to fit in and honestly, earnestly was hoping to find someone that actually, genuinely cared about him, aside from his mother. "Fine, then. Stay here, Caelan of Fhaergus - I guess we both can use a breath of fresh air", Ronan blurted out, as he decided - on a whim, no less - that he was tired of being alone and tired of being seen as nothing more than fragile, sickly and stubborn. Not, that he actually cared about his companion, or any supposed bandits, but at least this would mean that he could feel less guilty about himself, no? "Why are you even going there? I know Fhaergus is colder than Alster and I can see why you'd hate the temperatures, I don't fancy them myself, but they're endurable ... and, well, I'd rather not slash your chest wide open with my blade." Blood wasn't an uncommon sight, even for him, but having a fellow noble spill his viscera all over the arena floor, just because he took of his damned shirt, would be quite unsightly - and nothing he'd want to be responsible for. "You really are a puppy, you know? I'm not fantasizing about anything like that, I'm just saying that you should properly represent your country in an official tournament, rather than embarrass yourself, you know?" Why, of all things, was he concerned about what Caelan would be doing? Yes, he had to admit, he could see the appeal that he had on woman, based on his looks alone, but the more he ran his mouth, the worse it got - was that, why his father despised him? "I mean, fair enough - we're not the same, after all", finally, he let himself fall onto his back, into the grass as well and stared upwards, fixating on the only things that the mix of darkening colors didn't swallow. "I haven't stargazed in forever, I must admit."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "In case you do smile, you'll get much more out of it than I do.", he replied smiling, after all Ronan seemed to really need some moment of hapiness after years of not smiling at all. Caelan couldn't imagine that, he wasn't always happy, especially when he was trapped in the Fhaergus estate, but there was still something everywhere, that could make him smile. If he felt too trapped, too restless, then he just left for the mountains, to be alone with nature, or he rode to Stenz to visit a friend and do stupid things with him, like throwing themselves into the freezing see, go on a hunting trip, things like that. Though Ronan didn't seem like the kind of guy that didn't give a shit about what his father expects from him, as opposed to Caelan who gave up on meeting his fathers expectations long ago. He knew the reason his father acted like he did when the both of them were alone. It was because his son was restless and wild and he reminded him of his brother he didn't speak to in a very long time. Caelan could never change that, he was trying to, but it didnt work out an now he accepted this fact and just was himself. His father wasn't happy with him whatever he did, so he didn't care about his opinion anymore. Ronan now telling Caelan that his existence could be enough to disappoint him left Caelan almost speechless, after all he wasn't his father. "Why would you say that? I can tell you here and now, you won't. I'm not easily disappointed."

      "It is, I can't imagine not smiling or laughing for this long. In fact you do sound like you need a friend and I'm happy to be yours. You telling me to stay in turn tells me you agree.", he answered. Somehow he was even more motivated to make this gloomy person smile and laugh for a change. It felt like Ronan needed that and Caelan was his best bet, also he didn't mind the challenge and company. "I am going there for probably the same reason you do. I have to show my face, but it's not only bad, I can live with the heat, can meet my friends after the winter and the tournaments are fun too. I don't fancy the businiess talks, but that's not all there is.", he answered, then he started to laugh. "You can try!", he blurted out still laughing, "And if you manage to land a hit a shirt won't be enough to stop your blade." He turned on the side, looked at Ronan who finally lay down as well, somwhere on the ground. "Having a little bit of imagination and fun doesn't make me a puppy and what is it to you, if I emberess myself? What makes you think I can't pull off something like that anyway?" Caelan turned back on his back, looked at the stars starting to shimmer in the darkened sky. "I bet you can stargaze in Alster too, what's stopping you?"
    • "I doubt that happiness and laughter is going to help me rule Alster", he sneered. Caelan was, in every sense of the word, a puppy. Seemingly always happy, goofing around and unaware of the boundaries between him and others. Ronan had already realized that they weren't the same, that there was no reason for them to understand each other, or tolerate one another, except for their rank and their to-be title, that led their fates to collide. This here meeting was, all in all, mere coincidence - and Ronan was, after all, still someone that had a hard time understanding not only his peers, but also everyone that surrounded him. Offering up some time to play with Declan was one thing, but actually being among people his age, that weren't as stuck up and as prude as he was, felt like he had fell down a well and was trying to claw himself out of it, while the monster - residing at the bottom - tried to dig its claws into his tender flesh and rip him from the moist, slippery stones he was trying to hold onto. Maybe he should crawl into a well and drown - whatever it took to get away from the people that only befriended him for his status, would suffice. "You don't even know me - you probably don't even know what expectations you have of me, so, of course you can't be disappointed just yet." They both didn't even know each other, so why were they bothering with all this nonsense?

      "We're not the same person - I really don't mind spending my time alone and unamused, you don't have to coddle me, Caelan of Fhaergus", he answered. The proposal of having a friend felt like it was something sweet, something that made Ronan giddy on the inside and yet he didn't actually want it - or so he thought. "Listen, if you want to be my friend, I have a proposal for you. Beat me at the tournament and I'll give you whatever you want, even if it's just my friendship. If I win, however ... well, I'll think of something, I guess." The chances of winning against Caelan were slim - and they were even slimmer, if he took into account that the probability of getting paired with him in the first round were, probably and most likely, zero. "Pff, meet your friends? Did you ever think about the possibility that your friends might only like you because of your title and not who you are?", Ronan blurted out and squinted at the bright dots, speckling the ever darker sky above his head. Why was he this cynical? And moreover, why was he so deadset on ruining everyones fun? Maybe, he was nothing more than a jealous child, after all. "No, but you were the one that suggested he'd wear light armor - and if I actually injure you and you'll spill your guts right there, on the arena floor, I'll never hear the end of it - so, do yourself a favor and wear your damn clothes." Why was he so hellbent on all of this? And moreover, why didn't he just stop giving in to Caelans stupid thoughts right then and there, when he still could - why was he entertaining them? "My duties, that's what's stripping away my freedom."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I think a happy ruler makes happy people. Being bitter and sour will help you rule your country even less.", Caelan bluntly announced. He didn't think all too much about Ronans feelings when hearing this, not that he didn't care , he just didn't think ahead far enough. Caelan knew some things about Darragh of Alster, first and foremost that his own father despised him, though he never said so infront of anyone important. The relations between Fhaergus and Alster weren't as good as they seemed already and if Ronan was anything like his father, or the version Allard was presenting Caelan, then he knew exactly where this talk came from. Caelan however wasn't ready to judge Ronan by his family or which country he came from. Besides his gloomy and depressing attitude, there wasn't anything bothering Caelan and the traits just described only led him to feeling responsible for changing that. He planned in doing that being just himself, like always. The fact that there was a person just seeing the world as a dark place annoyed him somehow. "I can't be disappointed just yet, because I do not know you... yet. I'm just hearing you telling me, that we are going to get to know eachother even more. So tell me something about you worth knowing."

      "Calling me Caelan is just fine.", he said, wanting to get rid of the 'of Fhaergus' part which again was way too formal, or Ronan was messing with him, he wasn't sure. "I know I don't have to do anything, maybe I want to, though I'd rather call it broaden your horizon. After all maybe you find it not so bad." He laughed again afterwards, Ronan was good for a surprise after all. "Deal!", he shouted almost immedietly. "Though you're getting cocky. Anything you say? Good." Though now he wondered what Ronan would wish for. Caelan was a man of his word, so whatever it was, if he was about to loose, then he'd do exactly what the Alster sprout wanted of him. "You sound like someone just being bitter not having any friends. Maybe I'm just using them to have fun and they befriend me because I am Caelan of Fhaergus, but in the end, what does it matter? We enjoy ourselves and do whatever we like. Let them use me all they want, I prefer that over sitting alone at events like the one we are going to, and staring gloomingly into the night, waiting for it to finally be over." Again, maybe he should have started to think, before he spoke, but in this case maybe he was a little protective over his friends who weren't even hear to defend themselves. "Again... cocky. I hope you brought something to wear too then. Though other than you, I wouldn't mind if you'd appear half-naked... or even with nothing covering you at all.", he answered, imagining it. He started grinning. "Anything was our deal... maybe that would be something fun to ask of you. You wouldn't go back on your word, would you?" He wasn't actually going to do that, but the thought was entertaining and he turned his head to see Ronans reaction. "Your duties blabla. Are you telling me, you can't go outside for a moment in the evening? Are you a Lord or a prisoner?"

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 2 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • "If I'm jovial and careless during my regency, my people will also suffer - there is no right way to rule a country, just a wrong one", he snapped at the blonde man. Could they learn from each other? Most likely. Was Ronan willing to? Absolutely not. It wasn't that he only despised Caelan and Allard for the things that his father had told him, but he also was stubborn enough to believe that this world wasn't worth living in, that every single person he met was only in it for the things they could - maybe - get from him, if they stuck around. After all these years, he had turned into a young man who's greatest joy would be dying, lest it would mean that he could escape Darragh's grasp. "You'll eventually expect something of me that I cannot give you, no matter how hard you try - it's always been that way", Ronan answered him, his voice rather dry and his thoughts clogged up by something else. So, what was he going to tell Caelan? What about him was worth telling? There was nothing, not a single piece of information, that he felt like he could spare - not for someone like Caelan anyway. "Nothing about me is worth anything, though, if you'd insist that I have to tell you something, I guess it's that I'm not as weak and as sickly as everyone makes me out to be. I never was." Of course, he was prone to getting sick, but he also was prone to not dressing up in clothes that were warm enough to keep him from freezing.

      "Oh, I know - I'm just saying, you're getting too friendly, too fast." His manners were partially there, but most of the time he was swallowing them, as if they were just clogging up too much space - why, again, was he insulting this perfectly fine puppy? Did he feel intimidated by him, or was he just annoyed that he himself had insisted on having company? "Well, if I tell you that I plan on beating you in the tournament, you'd just laugh at me if I fail - so I'm not going to say it outright, I'm not THAT stupid", he grumbled. Of course, he had already spoken too much - Caelan would have noticed it either way, but it was somewhat refreshing to be able to talk like this to someone that ... only meant well, actually. Ronan sighed - Caelan seemed to be the last person that had an ulterior motive. "Oh, I have friends - I'm not that lonely, you know. I'm just saying that maybe you'd do well to not just, trust everyone you come across, you know? Most of the time those friends aren't worth it anyway." It wasn't uncommon for some of them to ditch him, nor was it a rare sight to find out that someone only had approached him because they wanted a piece of his riches - and Ronan despised them. There was nothing he could do, except letting them go and stare at the starry night sky, contemplate what he did wrong and never find an answer - there wasn't anything else. "I brought more than enough, don't you worry", Ronan snarled in Caelan's general direction and tried to make out something else above his head, enjoying the nice breeze and the clear night sky. "What would you gain from seeing me naked? Of course, I can't say no if that's something you'd like, but first you have to beat me and secondly, you'd probably get more out of seeing a woman naked than me." Ronan didn't care for women, he never had - but he couldn't confess that he, maybe, liked seeing the shirtless blonde man that his gaze had failed to avoid and that he, after all, felt drawn to men - Darragh would, most likely, hang him for even insinuating something like that. "Well, my title suggest I'm a lord but my duties have me assuming I'm a prisoner - I'm just busy, that's all - I'm expected to take care of my duties either way."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Okay okay Lord Ronan of Alster. I guess you know so much better than I do. After all, you do nothing other than following your fathers orders, who is a great leader, right?", he asked somewhat sarcastic. Maybe he shouldn't have talked like that when facing the Alster sprout, his own father would have cut off Caelans head for that yet again, since it was important to smile and nod at everyone no matter how low of an opinion one had. Alster was an important partner of Fhaergus and yet the relations crumbled, Caelan making it worse with thoughtlessly saying something wrong. Ronan however was so depressed, narrow-minded and overall pretty sad, that Caelan was getting annoyed with him talking about the world as if it was a dark and lonely place. It wasn't, it wasn't only happy either though, after all not everything was black and white. "I have a deal with you, if I win the tournament you oughta give me what I want, I don't care if you can or cannot, I will insist on it.",he declared, though he wasn't exactly sure what he would ask for. "And if it's only for you to stop talking like everyone, you included, is a peace of trash. Also, I didn't think nor did I have the impression you were sickly or weak. I wouldn't have asked you for a fight if I had, I'm not one to beat up someone who has no chance against me. And that said, I won't hold back when fighting you."

      "So it's better to give people the impression you don't like them and somehow think you're better than them? Or make them feel bad for something they eventually didn't do to you? How did that work out for you in the past, hm?", he asked sitting up now and looking at the small figure on the ground. He sure was a handful, but maybe Caelan was actually too harsh, on the other hand Ronan didn't seem like a person happy to be pitied. "I won't laugh at you if you loose.", he said in a tone that suggested he's never done it to someone else before either. He knew he was goofy and seemed like he laughed at a lot of things, but he never laughed about someone, especially someone that tried his best, also especially when trying to beat Caelan in a trait, he considered himself very good in. A fight was furthermore something important to Caelan and he wasn't ready to dishonor himself or his opponent by laughing or underestimating said opponent. "I don't mind if it in the end wasn't worth the effort. At least I know I tried.", he answered ever so calmly, still looking at Ronan. Did he mean all he said, or was he just stubborn, trying to somehow get rid of Caelan after all? "Oh I saw what you brought… poor horse.", Caelan laughed again, the saddlebags were full to the brink, maybe it was good Caelan ate some of his food away then. "It's not about seeing you naked, stupid. It's about you being naked and the face you'd make. But don't worry, I won't ask for anything ruining your reputation." Caelan smiled and refrained from standing up again. He liked looking at the stars, but with all this talk he couldn't exactly shut down, instead he was getting restless again. He grabbed some more cheese and bread, not because he was hungry, but because he didn't want to annoy Ronan with standing up and wandering about. "Busy with what? Your parents still rule Alster, right? I get that you also have to grow into your role, but how much work can there possibly be? You're a little old for lectures too, though I don't even know your age... how old are you?"

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 2 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • He gritted his teeth - Caelan of Fhaergus was nothing more than a nuisance, a fly that should be swatted away and a disgrace for his name and title. Ronan knew as much, as to not tell the young noble directly to his face, even though he felt like he should, especially right now. "My father has nothing to do with this, and also, I'm not an obedient lapdog, following orders!", he snarled ast the blonde man. Was he upset? Or was Caelan but a nuisance to him, who he couldn't help but want to shoo away? It felt as if the person, who desperately tried to be his friend, was nothing more than someone waiting to lecture him and eventually crack him open, just as if he were nothing more than a raw egg. Whereas the young lord of Fhaergus saw happiness and abundance in almost everything, Ronan considered this world to be an unforgivable dark and gloomy place, with no trace of hope left in it. "Do you even know anything about this world? Do you find it enjoyable to be squashed under your fathers thumb like a bug, just because you don't act like he wants you to? Or have you never had the joy of being the family disappointment?", he asked, almost calm, as if he wasn't speaking from experience - oh, how he hated it. Declan was barely able to hold a sword, was nothing more than an underage brat and yet Darragh only seemed to care about him - not about Ronan. "I won't hold back either, but don't come crying if I actually kick your teeth in."

      "I'm not about to act high and mighty, untouchable and immortal - I'm neither of these things. And also, what are you insinuating? That I don't have friends because I'm sour, rude and overall acting like I'm better than everyone else? Does it bother you that much?" Wasn't Caelan right? Sometimes, he felt like a toddler throwing a tantrum, rather than a to-be duke, trying to get his shit together and be someone his people could rely on - it felt as if he were trying to exist for someone that didn't actually need him. "I'll take your word for it", the black haired youth answered, tried to calm himself down and just enjoy the stars, becoming brighter and brighter on the dark expanse in front of his eyes. The sky was vast and endless, and if he could, he'd just disappear within it - disappear in the ... he shot up, sat there and looked at the lake, the seemingly pitch black water, reflecting the sky. If he tried, he could walk in the lake and disappear among the stars, even if it meant to never get back up again. "Well, my horse hasn't complained, but I agree they could have packed ... less, I guess", his gaze was fixated on the shimmering surface, as he got back up on his feet, almost entranced by the rare sight. "I'd be disgusted, that's for sure - and like I said, you'd probably get a more favorable reaction out of anyone else", he sighed, as he stepped closer towards the lakes surface and away from Caelan. As the tips of his boots touched the water, he stopped and stared downward - why, exactly, was he doing this? What was so enticing about drowing himself under his beloved stars? "I'm too old for lectures but young enough to try my hand at ruling and doing paperwork, you know", he decided to take off his boots, even if it was going to be a pain in the ass to put them back on. However, once he had cast them aside, he dipped his feet inside the water, as if he were to check the temperature. "I'm seventeen years old ...", he mused, as he gazed downwards, trying to discern what was below the surface - nothing, at least right now. "And what about you?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Ronan sounded like his father bothered him more than he said. Caelan knew that only too well, he couldn't exactly judge Ronan for it and in the end, maybe the ruler of Alster was worse than Caelans own father, not that he ever talked to him. Allard hated him though, that was for sure, but Caelans father hated a lot of people, so he didn't think too much of it. "Should you talk about your father like that, in front of me of all people?", Caelan calmly asked, without judging him for it. He himself always was proud of his honesty and yet not even his friends knew about the struggles he had at home and the reason he took every opportunity to get away. They thought he had his head so high up in the clouds, that he actually forgot to bring clothes or even food, when in fact he just needed to get away from the man, who despised him since he was able to remember. Him looking more like his uncle than his father didn't help the fact. He knew all the reasons his father gathered and he and his family were the only ones who did, like his father wanted it, but now maybe was the time to share something of it, to show Ronan that his own life wasn't always easy, or would that just make it worse? "Don't you already think I bring shame to my house?", he asked vaguely, without actually telling Ronan anything of truth. He couldn't bring himself to talk about the one thing nobody knew, probably for the same reason nobody did in the first place. The happy Fhaergus family... yes that was what he was supposed to tell anyone he met. "Don't stress yourself over your families expectations, don't let them control you. You are your own person, you should be allowed to be yourself. Especially if you can't do right in their eyes anyway.", he said, still not looking away from the young man, seemingly crushed by all the pressure his legacy put on him. "You can try.", he said with a slim smile, nothing more.

      "I'm still here, so it can't actually bother me all too much, right?", he smiled, his anger has already vanished and instead he sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm taking it back. Nothing wrong in not trusting every stranger and not putting on a smile no matter what." Caelan was the one hating this trait in his father and still, he wasn't sure if he was friendly smiling because he wanted to, or because his upbringing tought him too, even when he didn't actually feel like it. He hated the thought of himself maybe being nothing more than a hypocrite. Caelan was taken back to reality when Ronan suddenly stood up. "Disgusted? Why is that? Embarrassed I can imagine, but disgusted?", he asked wondering about the strange choice of words, while he watched Ronan. "It sounds like you do more than just your fair share.", he said, observing the complicated process of Ronan getting out of his boots. "Seventeen as well.", he answered yet again, Ronan seemed a little distant all of a sudden and less angry as well. "Are you going to take a dip?", he asked, he hadn't thought Ronan was the type for something like that. Though the temperature probably wasn't as bad for someone coming from Alster, which wasn't necessarily much colder than Fhaergus, if one was not climbing the high mountains in the middle of the winter.

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • "What do I care about my father? If he does something I dislike, I might as well say it, as long as nobody can hear it. Sometimes, I feel like my life would be easier if I just had the chance to speak up against him, but no, I can't. It's frustrating", Ronan hissed. Darragh wasn't a friendly man, nor was he a good father - to him at least. Nothing mattered, until it did, and when it did, it wasn't about Ronan or even Declan, or about his wife - it was about the country that didn't belong to him and about the pain and sorrow he felt, not the pain and sorrow he bestowed upon his son, that could do nothing but to obey him, as if he were his fathers very own plaything. "What do I care about whether or not you bring shame to your house? At least you have the spine to stand up for yourself and accept the things this world flings at you - I'm going to get crushed by the boulder that I try to carry, if I don't get rid of it, that is." Ronan wished for nothing more than the ability to discard it - to get rid of his title and finally resolve all these issues he seemingly had, to finally breathe in and out without havig to worry about feeling fingers at his throat. Nobody cared about what was going on in the Alster manor - and there wasn't much going on either way, except when Darragh started to demand things. "I can try and die trying, that's the only choice I have. I am supposed to become Duke Ronan of Alster and if I die trying, I at least tried and didn't give up like a coward!", he hissed, not at Caelan, but at the black water to his feet.

      "I might not bother you as much, but eventually you'll get bored of me, trust me. Everyone has", he admitted and swallowed whatever was clogging up his throat. Why was he talking to a stranger and why was the only things he could talk about something so depressing? Ronan was nothing more than a sad sap that had failed to meet his expectations, ever since he had been born. No matter how much he tried, it always felt like Darragh didn't care and had decided to disregard him from the day he had first laid eyes upon him. "Trust whoever you want and smile at whoever you want, I really don't care - we're not the same and if you want to drown in your naivety, then feel free to", Ronan sighed. Oh, what would he give to just be a little bit like Caelan? Carefree and beloved, maybe even heralded as someone he wasn't - would he even like that? It'd feel like he was nothing more than a silly little plaything, no? But didn't he think of himself like one already? "Why would you want to see another man naked either way?" Even though he wasn't admitting to it, wasn't the general reaction to things like this disgust and sheer and utter disbelief? How could a man fall for another man? Why not a bedazzling woman? "I do whatever my father desires me to do, there is nothing fair about that." His childhood had been a mess and his youth hadn't been much better. He was, no matter how hard he would try to fight himself back out of this argument, nothing more than a lord that had to learn how to be a duke and what kind of prosperous man his father was supposed to be - what a joke. "A dip? Well, almost", he said, as he fought himself out of his shirt and casted it aside, throwing it in the grass before taking one step into the water, then two, then three - he wasn't trying to drown himself, at least that's what he told himself, when he let himself fall into the water. Once he found his way onto his back, he let himself float around. "And you? Are you tired of his father?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Well I'm not nobody, I hope. But I won't tell.", Caelan smiled truthfully. He was the last person to carelessly spill a secret, especially when Ronan, that seemed like he wasn't opening up to people usually, trusted Caelan enough to say what he did. "What happens if you do speak up?", Caelan asked, maybe he was a little too nosy, after all this was none of his business and yet he wasn't after any secrets he could use against Alster, no, he wanted to understand Ronan, who was obviously frustrated and unhappy. Caelan knew the pain he felt, at least he had a vague idea, measured by his own experiences with his father, so he wanted to help him. If Caelan was the one trapped inside Fhaergus manor with his father, without the mindset that let him generally not care about it and leave if he wanted to, then he would want someone to pull him out of this mess too. A long time Caelan thought it had to be like it was, that was before he met Cameron and his family, which was overall very different, kind of loving and at the same time not caring at all, just giving their children freedom to learn from their own mistakes, without lecturing them over every little thing. Caelan was misbehaving before but when he first met the ruling family of Stenz he realized, that he wasn't the one doing wrong. Not all the time at least and certainly not when he was still a child. "Then get rid of it.", he said as if it was easy and without telling Ronan that he understood him better than he probably thought. "If it gets too much, get out. I tell you hear and now, you are welcome in Fhaergus anytime. After all it's only a small hop over the mountains. We'll do something fun." This was exactly was Caelan was doing, why he visited his friends or was happy to see them at a stupid event. Sometimes he liked being alone and at least as much he needed people too, people that took his mind off of things for a day or two, daring him to do stupid things, regretting them instead of whatever he had done at home this time.

      "It's alright, keep your expectations low, I'll surprise you after all.", Caelan smiled, in fact Ronan seemed like the least boring person he knew. After such little time he knew all of his struggle, even though Ronan didn't really make the impression he even liked a friend, especially Caelan. At the same time he seemed to have to finally tell his thoughts to someone and with Caelan being honest as he was, at least he found someone to keep their conversation just between the two of them. "I'm starting to deliberately overhear your little insults.", he declared and refrained from telling Ronan he was just looking more and more insecure. "Again, it's not about seeing you naked, I couldn't care less about that, I neither want to see you naked nor would I be embarrassed to see you undressed, after all I'm pretty sure I've seen anything you have in the mirror too. It's about the face you'd make when I won't take my eyes off of you and the possibility for any other stranger to see you as you are as well. Though you insisting on this topic almost looks like you want me to insist on this as my reward if I was to win against you. Is there something you want me to see?", he grinned, watching Ronan stand at the shore of the lake. "Maybe you should just stop doing whatever he wants." It wasn't exactly a good advice but in Ronans case, maybe worth trying, though Caelan didn't implicitly want to turn Ronan against his father, not at all. It just seemed like a little bit of self empowerment would do him good. "Now you're the one not wearing a shirt!", he finally laughed after having observed Ronan get out of his clothes, though having told Caelan over and over again he should wear his own damn clothes, which he still didn't. Ronans question however drew the conversation back to a more serious level, just when Caelan thought he could avoid the topic of his own father. Caelan stood up himself, went to the shore of the lake and dove inside, staying under water for a while to avoid answering Ronans question, until he needed some air. He shook his head to throw his hair out of his face and pulled the rest back with his hand. He looked into the distance, at the water reflecting the moon and the stars, sighing. "I've always been tired of my father.", he again vaguely answered, why couldn't he just tell Ronan how it was, that he wasn't just blurting out advice, though he didn't know a damn thing about a father that wasn't satisfied with anything he'd ever done. Ronan calling him naive and didn't want to trust anyone, especially no stranger and yet he lay out all of his problems in front of Caelan, while the Fhaergus sprout couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. He dove again, floated right under the surface for a while, looking at the stars from this abstract point of view. He considered himself a coward and hypocrite, nothing more. Again he needed air, his head appearing back from under the surface, the water dripping from his face. "My father hates me, to be completely honest.", he laughed loudly. Why did he laugh? It wasn't funny and still he did, he was like him after all, wasn't he?
    • "Let me rephrase, you're not anyone that I know well enough to have a definite and maybe bad opinion of - you're Caelan, with or without the of Fhaergus, and you're the guy who had the misfortune of running into Ronan, whether he's of Alster or not, and his shitty mood and attitude", he explained to the guy that probably knew way too much already, despite Ronan wanting to keep this stranger nothing more - a stranger. Darragh despised everyone that was from Fhaergus, as it seemed and didn't stop running his mouth about how horrible Allard of Fhaergus was and what kind of idiot his uncivilized son could be - and deep down, Ronan could care less. "To spare you all the unneccesary details, I'm just going to say - verbal or physical violence", which wasn't anything uncommon. If Darragh felt like it, he could do whatever he wanted and if that meant to abuse his son, he was more than welcome to - even though he despised it. He could deal with the pain, or with the blue spots that decorated his body from time to time, but the one thing he yet had to realize was, that no matter how hard he tried, Darragh would not - under no circumstances - start caring about Ronan. "I'm trying, it's going to take a while, but I'm trying my hardest", the young man mused. Oh, how nice it'd be to be free of the shackles, binding him to the ground and the mortal realm. That was, after all, what he despised so much, no? "And there goes my talk about you being too friendly and naive. Of course, I can hardly say no, but don't worry. I'll eventually take you up on that offer, someday." Maybe that was exactly what he needed - to rebel against his father even more. Caelan was, without doubt, an important piece in this game they had begun playing and Ronan was, without wanting to admit it, enjoying it somewhat.

      "You will surprise me? Good, I will keep my expectations low then - we'll see what you have up your sleeve." If anything, the blonde had made him curious - why would he blurt something like that out, all of a sudden even and then tell him to keep having low expectations of him? Something like that was impossible from the getgo, even if Ronan was unwilling to admit it. "Oh, do you now? Maybe you'll need a doctor to check your hearing then, puppy", he almost joked. He knew himself better than anyone did - he was horrible at jokes and even worse at making small talk. Darragh liked to talk, to run his mouth about so many things and then, there was his son - there was Ronan of Alster, who had no idea what such trivial things would achieve. "Now you're the one getting cocky. Fortunately for you, no, I have nothing I want you to see - or anyone else, for that matter. When you win, you can have whatever you want, so think about it, and don't get disappointed if you don't win." Being oggled by a stranger was, by far, the worst thing that could happen and essentially nothing that Ronan wanted. It was one thing to think that Caelan of Fhaergus could, indeed, be more attractive than initially assumed but it was another thing to let himself get misguided and consider him as someone serious, that actually thought and felt the same way he did. "Again, impossible - unless I want broken bones, that is", the worst Darragh had done was break his arm, on one occassion, but the sheer thought of it made him somewhat stressed. Nobody knew that, of course, even his mother was easily fooled, but Ronan himself was growing tired of pretending. "I really don't want to get it wet, you know." He had left his pants on, just in case and was soon joined by the blonde, that even felt like he was towering over him in the damned water. What kind of bad luck was it, that haunted him? Why was he stuck here, with all these things falling from his lips that he should carry to the grave? "So you just don't care for your father, or do you hate him? Despise him, maybe?", he could dig as deep as possible, he wouldn't find anything helpful, no matter how much he'd try. Caelan wouldn't share his misery with him and Ronan wouldn't blame him for it - it was nothing either of them should just blurt out like that. He floated through the water, enjoyed the view above his head and kept watching the blonde man in the corner of his eye. "Mine hates me as well, but I'm sure yours has a different reason to hate you than mine has to hate me ... then again, they'll die eventually, you know?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I don't mind too much I ran into you, after all I have a full stomach now.", he smiled, trying to uplift the mood as he always was, while being able to knee in the shallow water and still be under it up to his chin. He again pulled back his hair and wondered if he should cut it already, after all it was annoying him quite a bit right now. Though there were bigger problems directly in front of him. It wasn't necessarily uncommon, that a father deemed it necessary to hurt his kids in order to teach them a lesson, this was the world they lived in and yet Caelan couldn't exactly say, he knew were Ronan was coming from. Allard had never hurt Caelan physically, not when his son was small and weak and not now, when he'd have to anticipate him punching back. Caelan wasn't one to let himself be a punching bag of a bitter old man and on the other hand he was someone stepping in if he saw anything like that happen to someone else, even without thinking. His first thought after hearing this in fact was, that maybe he should pay Ronans father a visit and show him what it's like to pick on someone, but he knew better than to do that, he wasn't that stupid. "What about your mother?", Caelan asked, again he was being way to nosy, but he couldn't just ignore what he'd just heard. His own mother was always only watching, never saying a thing, but his mother wasn't the actual heir as opposed to Ronans. "If you need help trying, you know where to find me.", Caelan said, moving a little towards Ronan who was floating on the surface and staring at the stars. "I don't care if I'm 'too friendly', if that's even possible." Caelan grinned, if he was able to help Ronan with his problems and take his mind off of things, then he was happy to do it.

      "You're still talking to me, so I can't be as bad as you originally thought, right?" Caelan smiled broadly, just ignoring the following joke. "What was that? I didn't hear you?", he asked with a short laugh. "I'm never disappointed by a good fight, as long as we both give it our all, I don't mind if I win or loose, even with the stakes as high as this time." Hopefully this bet was also motivating Ronan enough to not pussy out when the tournament really started. Caelan didn't mind doing whatever Ronan would ask of him, in the end he was even a little bit curious. What would the Alster sprout want? Just a day of silence maybe? But he was the one opening up, Caelan hadn't exactly started this topic they had right now. Ronan seemed like a person who didn't know what he wanted anyway. "You're not weak, you said that and I also don't believe it, so don't let him. He might be your father but that doesn't mean you have to let him do to you whatever he wants. My father never hurt me, but I know that he knows that I wouldn't hesitate to give himself a taste of his own medicine, so he wouldn't dare. That's the problem of being all high and mighty and the problem with hiding behind a facade that is just thin air, as much as I usually don't talk about it, he doesn't either, so whatever I do stays as much between him and me as the things he does." Eventually he did talk about his own father, got a little angry even, though he hated him for controlling his son even from afar. The following question still left him a little bit speechless, which was rare with Caelan of Fhaergus, who always ran his mouth. "I... uh... I don't want to care about him, but I guess I do. I don't like his attitude and his innocent act as well as the fact that he still brings me to follow up with us playing a happy family. I don't know if I hate him, but I hate thinking about him when he's miles away.", he answered, talking himself farther into the topic, although he didn't actually want to. "I'm not sure if I want to endure my father another thirty or forty years, or whatever, that bastard probably lives a thousand years just to taunt me." Caelans father probably had a whole different reason than Ronans, to hate and despise his son, to not even want to look at him sometimes because he was in fact looking more and more like his uncle and he was getting into the age when the paths of the two brothers branched. "Why does your father hate you?", Caelan asked sinking into the water a little more afterwards, just his nose was still outside, so he could breath. His evening certainly took an very unexpected turn.

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • „At least you‘re having fun, and I‘m glad to be of service“, the young noble mused. The water, as dark as it was, was nothing more than translucent at best - seeping through his pants and into his skin, wetting his hair and holding onto him, even if it had no hands or physical form to grasp Ronan, it tried, unwilling to let go of him. It was, as if it were trying to never let go of him - to drag it down, to the bottom of the lake and never hand his lifeless corpse back to anyone, not to the world and definitely not to anyone who feigned interest in him. What was he, if not a hypocrite? The stars were bedazzling him, calling out for him to finally let go and pull the trigger, but there was no trigger and letting go felt like giving up; he‘d rather die trying than stop trying and die. „My mother doesn‘t approve of all these things, but most of the time I‘m stuck, trying to hide them. She knows and she tries to help, but once I‘m alone with my father, it becomes impossible“, he was almost an adult and was taking care of all those tasks and duties already, almost as if they were his already. Instead, he was unable to help himself and couldn‘t free himself from the shackles that he found himself in. „Of course I do ... and I actually do appreciate the offer“, the youth sighed, as he let himself float and - eventually - was letting his guard down. If Caelan wanted to hurt or kill him, he would have done exactly that, right now.

      „Who knows. I‘m running my mouth because I have nothing else to do - do you think you deserve being called not bad?“, Ronan joked, once again. This was some sort of elaborate masterplan to piss off Darragh, no matter how he tried to look at it - if he befriended Caelan, Darragh would eventually have to admit that his son wasn‘t going to take orders from an old geezer any longer. „Then I‘m not going to tell you again!“ Not even a glimpse at the blonde later, Ronan was happy enough that he could stare at the stars and think of nothing more than a world that only could exist in childish dreams - of a world, where happiness was what was most important. „It‘s a deal either way - I‘ll come and get you!“, he warned, but then again, wasn‘t he just bragging? It sounded like it and if anything, that was the last thing he wanted. Caelan shouldn‘t feel like he wanted this - obvious competition - to be exactly that, nor did he want to act high and mighty like he was known to. „I‘m not weak, you‘re right, but he is my father and whatever my father says is not only somewhat of an unspoken rule, it‘s also the truth I shouldn‘t dare question. Whatever Darragh insists I insulted him by existing or because I can‘t be the kind of son he wants, he‘ll punish me accordingly“, the air around them felt more tense than mere seconds ago. Why were they talking about their useless, horrible fathers again? What kind of comfort could it offer? „So you don‘t want to care about him, but in the end you do, because he‘s family? Are you sure that your family wants him around, then?“ Ronan doubted that their fathers would be of any relevance, or that they could change for the better all of a sudden - it was impossible. „Let‘s hope you‘ll outlive him, then“, he said and fixated his gaze onto the many stars, speckles of spacedust on a dark expanse that exchanged its light, soft blue color for a darker and richer shade. „I exist and I‘m not an extrovert - maybe he hates me because I‘m his nightmare come to life, what do I know.“
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Caelan wasn't sure if he would describe talking about their fathers as fun, especially since he came here to forget about his own, but he didn't say that. Instead he smiled, nodded and let out a short "Yes.". Ronan did look like he was implicitly asking for something, help maybe, or approval, Caelan wasn't sure. It was also not him that this plea was directed to, at least he thought he wasn't, it just was... anyone really. Ronans situation was much harsher than Caelans and he couldn't say he knew anyone being treated like that, but that was probably because Caelan avoided such topics with his friends, as much as he didn't say anything, they might not either, though it wasn't always easy, he really didn't know at all. He almost felt bad about the lack of information and trust he asked for, received and in turn gave. "You shouldn't... no, forget what I just said." Ronan shouldn't hide those things to actually get help from around him, but wasn't Caelan the same? He never told anybody about his relationship to his father, until now, for whatever strange reason. Maybe it was still different, he didn't need any help, he was able to cope with his father, the consistent nagging, the gaze he laid on his sun and the overall resentment. His father didn't like him and Caelan didn't like his father, he mostly stayed out of his way, ditching anything they could do together, like travel to Laverns capital or dinner. It was ages since he last ate with his parents. Allard didn't have a single good word for his son, but if the nagging and shouting got too much, Caelan was able to just leave, he really didn't need any help as opposed to Ronan. "Just maybe send a letter before you plan to visit, I'm not home often... but even if I'm not, if you wanna get out, just come. My father is a decent person and very nice to anyone who isn't me, so he'd let you stay until I come back, even if I'm out and about at the moment. If you want, I could introduce you at the event."

      "So when you're bored, you're telling every stranger the story of your life?", Caelan laughed and grinned afterwards. "Not bad seems like a compliment, coming from you. How else would you describe me?" Again he laughed, this time about Ronans threat, or promise, or whatever it was, not because he seemed very confident, but because he said it like a child and not like the noble heir of Alster. Though the mood turned again pretty quickly, maybe they should just stop talking about their families altogether, how did this even start? "Only because he's your father, doesn't mean he's right.", he answered, but it wasn't so easy, he knew that. After all, the strong Caelan of Fhaergus himself wasn't able to just do whatever the hell he wanted. He managed to most of the time, but he still kept up the act of the happy family, which was so important to his father, almost more important than anything else. Why was he doing that again? He didn't even know and still had the urge to tell Ronan, that this conversation should in fact stay just between the two of them. It shouldn't be of interest to him and he should trust Ronan enough, he knew that, so he kept his mouth shut. "I'm still living under his roof and am bearing his name. If I would have been born a peasant, I'd long be gone, but I'm not, I'm the only heir to the name of Fhaergus, so I can't exactly leave. Which in turn means, that I have to associate with my father in some way I guess. My family ist just my parents and my uncle, but... let's not start a whole other story there. In fact we should stop talking about our fathers all together, they are not here right now and still ruining everything, but only if we let them." Caelan was sick of this, he wanted some fun, or at least another topic. He looked at Ronan like he was soon to be his prey, as he floated there unaware of the danger he was in, because shortly after Caelan started to flick some water into his direction, only with one finger and the goal was hitting the tip of his nose. He wasn't sure how much fun there was to have with Ronan of Alster, but he could try at least, right?
    • His childhood was over, he was close to being an adult now and yet he found himself yearning for those days, yearning for his own, carefree attitude and the bad decisions he could make without having to reap what he had sown. Ronan knew that it wouldn't change anything, that it wouldn't help with trying to better his and Darragh's relationship, but after all, it might mean that he would get the chance to change a few things - to stick up for himself, instead of giving up on trying and becoming who he was by now. "Forget what you said? Well, you said a bunch of things already, if I'm entirely honest", and again it was Ronan taking a jab at the blonde youth, but this time, he wasn't even trying to make a joke, he was being brutally honest. If he were to run away to Fhaergus, his father would eventually find out and he'd make sure his son was coming back home - and if he had to ride to the damned country himself, so be it. "If you dare, you also could try and visit me. I'm home almost always and my father doesn't really care who is visiting, unless it's an important business partner, like your father would be. Or something. Anyways, I think a spontaneous trip to Fhaergus sounds more enticing than coming to Alster."

      If the water wanted to swallow him, it should at least hurry up and not let him float there, unbothered by the world, all while trying to keep his cool. "Oh, of course ... yeah, no. What I'm saying is, I wouldn't tell anyone that I know, or that has to take me seriously - my little brother will succeed my father eventually, if all goes as I planned it", he eventually confessed. All of it was nothing more than an elaborate suicide plan and Caelan was the poor man, misfortunate enough to run into the tense bundle of emotions that, by all means, was trying nothing more than to help himself in the only way he thought would work. "Maybe it is, who knows? I'd say you like talking, not so much about yourself, and you're good at listening. You care about others, most likely, and you're the kind of person that tries to charm a young lady to take her back to his room later, or am I wrong?", Ronan answered. People his age were really similar to one another - they all only seemed to have one or two things in mind and despite being told not to, they just did whatever they desired and if their desires were carnal, feral urges, they'd do their best to please them. "Not you or anyone else, no, but it's the reality I live in." A bitter one at that. Sometimes he wondered if Darragh knew, if he knew his son wasn't his and that the meetings he'd attend, the many times he met his actual father, weren't in Alsters best interest, but rather Ronans own. He doubted it, knew that Darragh couldn't know, but also knew that Darragh hated him, somehow, some way. "I think, if I were to unpack my family history, we'd be here til the sun rises, so yeah, let's just ... not do that. Do you like stargazing?" So many constellations and yet, Ronan could spot none of them, instead, droplets of water his his face, but more particularly his nose. "You're childish too, you know?", he sighed, as he finally got into a different position and was trying to reach the ground, before he eventually regained his footing - and was taken aback by the fact that the water actually, and definitely, almost reached his shoulders. "For fucks sake ...", he cursed, as he flicked some of the water in Caelans direction. "You deserve some payback, you know!"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I mean what I just said... you're nitpicking.", he smiled somehow apologetic. "I don't mean to tell you what to do, or seem like I know better. That's what I meant. I'm just offering help, so... yeah, I'll visit you in Alster if you want. Why not, 'been a while since I was there, your father isn't one to have a lot of visitors usually, huh? I can bring my father if that helps, maybe... I dunno. If we're lucky they annoy each other instead of us and you can show me what Alster has to offer. Consider me invited." He smiled, showed his teeth a little and knew that he was being a little bit rude there. But he was Caelan of Fhaergus, always running his mouth, being rude and doing stupid things, right? If his father wanted a reason to shout at him, Caelan could as well give him one, but Ronan didn't seem to mind anyway. If he did, well, Caelan would have probably been the same, he wasn't hiding his true nature when he didn't need to and just because one noble didn't like him, he wasn't going to change. Anyway, it didn't seem like the case. "And when you are visiting Fhaergus, I'll show you around. I hope you like nature, we're not having a lot of big cities."

      "So I don't have to take you seriously?", Caelan asked laughing, loudly and honest as he always did. "And what is your plan then? Disappearing? Sounds exciting, where'd you go?" It was obvious that Caelan wasn't figuring out what Ronan meant, but he knew him for only a very short time, so how could he? If Ronan wanted to leave his throne to his brother, that was fine, after all Caelans uncle Dreigh did the same. He didn't want to rule Fhaergus and his parents didn't want him to rule as well, now hit little brother Allard was sitting in Fhaergus manor while his brother lived a life, Caelan always dreamed of. Ronans description however got Caelans attention and he started smiling again, Ronan was taking everything so literally it was funny. He didn't think to get a whole analysis as an answer and he wasn't wrong either. "I feel honored, and no you aren't wrong. Though 'tries' to charm seems wrong, after all I succeed every time.", he joked, but was still a bit baffled as to how all of it was true. "You can say all of that with such confidence after such a short time? Maybe you had your eyes on me before, huh?" Again he grinned, making a little joke to see Ronans reaction. The idea of him secretly having a crush on Caelan was kinda fun and he liked the thought keeping up with that joke for a little while longer, though he doubted it was true. "Stargazing? Yes, I do it often, every time I sleep under nothing more than the stars.", he answered, shortly after he got some water in his face. "You're childish too, you play along after all!", he confronted Ronan, flicked some water back, until he dove under to avoid the attack. Ronan liked looking at the stars, yeah? It took Caelan only a few moments to reach Ronan, he resurfaced next to him and put his arm immediately and firmly around the short person, aligned their gaze and then pointed at the night sky. "See this bright star right above the maple tree? Move right a few inches, then up to another bright star and right again, it's almost like two little triangles, that's the right wing of the Stenz eagle, shown on their crest. The left one is almost symmetrical to it.", he explained with a smile.
    • "I always am, so don't you worry", Ronan admitted and only now noticed the apologetic smile that he was offered. It felt as if Caelan was truly sorry for what he had done, but it didn't mean much to him - they both were the unfortunate heirs of unfortunate countries and if there was one trait they shared, then it would be their unwillingness to give up. "I wouldn't mind having you in Alster, even if it was for just a week ... and well, we're talking about our fathers again, but no, Darragh isn't someone who enjoys a friendly conversation or two, he mainly wants to be left alone and do his bidding from behind his desk, though, I'm no better", he said. Yes, he was right - this wasn't a lie in the slightest. His father was a disaster, even more than his son was, but whereas he liked to misplace things and yell at others for losing them, Ronan just wasn't used to all the attention he - supposedly - was to receive. Whenever he was left to choose, whether or not he'd take the silence over the unnerving feeling of a thousand eyes, glued onto his very frail form, he'd rather run away - hand in hand with his beloved silence, than to stay even a second longer. "Oh, I don't mind. Alster is full of people who are in need of a good hike, me included." He and Caelan were polar opposites - if Caelan were the sun, he was the moon and if that meant they never could meet, then that was alright with him. It felt like two worlds had collided, blissfully ignorant of each others existence up until this point. "If you want to, you don't - just remember that whatever I say is my own truth", the young noble explained. On one hand, he admired the carelessness and hopefulness of his newfound partner in crime, on the other it somewhat felt like as if Caelan wasn't useful for anything, except pissing Darragh off - but that was exactly what he needed.

      "Disappearing isn't too far off, but I don't think I actually know where I'd be going, once I managed to pull through with it", his voice felt somewhat somber and the thought alone was, on all accounts, depressing. No matter how beautiful the stars were and no matter what had happened, this wouldn't be fixable - but he also couldn't run away from his duties, couldn't leave Declan alone with Darragh, couldn't just ... maybe he could, later, when his suicide note - which Caelan seemed to be, at this very moment - would leave him alone. "So you do bring ladies back to your room, have fun with her and then discard her, pff. Is it fun?" The dream of actual love, eternal and pure, everlasting love was nothing more than that - it was one of many things, stuck in a web of illussions and part of it, until hell froze over. Not once did he even think about bringing a woman back to his room, spend the night with her and decide for himself that he was doing the right thing, but Caelan didn't seem like he would be unable to enjoy some company. "I'm guessing, because you seem to be the rash type, that doesn't think much before he opens his mouth - and you seem like you're admitting to being guilty as charged." Was it that? Or did he just like observing nameless people when he had nothing better to do, see for himself what fellow young nobles would do and ignore their behavior? Maybe. But maybe he was just good at guessing. "Someone has to entertain your childish ideas and I'm the only one pres- HEY!" The strong arm, that found its way around him and held him in place, showed him so much more than he had seen himself. He was weak, frail and in no way in his right mind if he thought he would be able to win against Caelan of Fhaergus, that was for sure. Ronan's gaze landed on the spot that he had been told to look at and, even though he didn't want to believe it, Caelan was right. "Well, I have to admit ... you are knowledgable, that's for sure." Just for a moment, his eyes were glued on the constellation shown to him, before he put his own hand on that damned arm of Caelan. "You know, I'm not a girl you can take back to your room."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Hmm, I'm starting to believe your resentment when we met was nothing more than an act. Telling me to stay, inviting me to visit Alster, you are able to be a decent person, if one only looks behind that frown of yours, huh?", Caelan asked, acting like he was a great detective for figuring that out and grinning afterwards. "I can understand why grand gatherings are tiring you, though you still seem sociable, or maybe I'm just so interesting?" Ronan probably still talked to him, because he described him as good listener, which he was, glady. If anyone really needed an ear, Caelan was happy to help, even if he didn't know the person, like Ronan of Alster. "You like hiking?", Caelan asked suddenly somehow excited, that was something he could actually work with, well he also could very well work with the stargazing they both enjoyed. "Compared to Fhaergus, Alster is pretty flat, so prepare for the worst. It's worth it though, the best places are mostly high up. The stars are beautiful too." With the mountain peaks in the back and the grand valley of Fhaergus beneath, there were awesome places to shut down for a while. Caelan discovered a lot, while wandering about, because he couldn't stay at home anymore, his uncle showed him some nice places too, though he was all for Caelan discovering the world himself. Dreigh was always having his back, though he never said something bad about his brother. Still, Caelan was able to relax at his house, when he was too young to feed himself for a few days. "You're always honest then? At least as honest as you are to yourself I guess."

      "It's not impossible to not take on the legacy of your name. Maybe you don't even have to disappear, though... now that I know you a little, I would have looked forward to working with you someday. But you should do whatever you want, at least you have a brother." Caelan could leave too, just vanish, he could take care of himself, wherever he went, no matter if it was the south, or the east, where the wolves lived. After all he always wanted to know what lay beyond Adrestia. For a moment he was daydreaming, but pulling himself back to his conversation. "Fun? Well, yeah I guess. But you make it sound so harsh, it's not lake they don't get anything from me too. Discarding is the wrong word, just haven't found the right one yet, you know?" He maybe was overdoing with all that woman business, though he wasn't as bad as Cameron who had a girl on every corner, ditching not a single one, promising them the moon and the stars. Caelan was different, everyone knew what it was like to involve oneself with him and he didn't make a secret about it. It was just some fun, one night, a few hours, nothing more. He never found someone he really was interested in and maybe one or two years ago, it really started bothering him. When Cameron and Orlando were gushing about some girl walking past, Caelan was just nodding and mostly didn't really understand all the fuss. It was bothering him, because he thought he should feel different about all that. He still was waiting for the one girl, that somehow made him feel... well something. Now however, he had grabbed Ronan and not some girl, grinning as he got another compliment. "Well thank you.", he replied almost sounding humble, while Ronan was still looking at the stars, at least for a moment longer. "Well the first problem would be the lack of a room anyway, though since I was here first and prepared the fire, aren't you technically in my room already?", he asked laughing and instead of letting go, he pulled Ronan a little bit sidewards, pointed at the stars again and described yet another constellation. Olettes deer, with it's long horns, towering over the world. He knew quite some stories too, but instead of talking all the time, he let go of Ronan, so he could try to find the picture that the stars painted on the nightsky. Caelan was the one starting to float on the water this time, looking up as well.
    • “Maybe I’m just using you and you don’t know yet”, he said, and he somewhat meant it. His initial thought was to befriend Caelan of Fhaergus, but now, it all had spiraled down and it would suffice to keep pretending that he cared - if Darragh caught wind, it would most certainly piss him off. “Who knows? I hate social events but speaking with you, one on one, makes you less intimidating. I hate crowds and all the noise that they produce - I’m talking to you because it’s somewhat pleasant”, Ronan sighed. Once they were at the event, he would try his best to distance himself from the rest of the nobles and just own up to what Caelan wanted from him, so he could get it done and over with. “Hiking ... I wouldn’t call it that, but I like it, yes. And I know that! My endurance okay, but I’ll work on it before I’ll visit you, just wait!” What were all these promises that he was flinging around, quite carelessly even and trying to hand to Caelan? After all, it sounded more like they had been lifelong friends, rather than just met each other by chance. “I’ve not lied to you, yet. I’m usually honest because lies won’t get me far, nor will they help me in the future, once they’ve cemented themselves as an even baseline.”

      “Preferably, my father dies and I become duke without having to do his bidding. Worst case scenario is him living a long, fulfilling life. Disappearing isn’t ... a bad option, I’d say, but I think I’d like to spare my mother and brother the grief.” Ronan could have been selfish and ignored the constellations, could have ran out of the water and enjoyed his little stargazing adventure from the shore, but he didn’t - he stood there, Caelan’s arm on him and water almost covering all of him. “I doubt you’ll find the right one if you just play with them. Do you even know what kind of women you like? Personality? Looks?” Ronan was, in fact, the last person that should be asking that. He didn’t know what kind of women he liked himself, nor did he know jack shit about approaching them. The few times his father had tried to set him up with a girl his age went miserably - he had no problem when he just interacted with them, but every step they took, the more awkward it felt, as if he didn’t want it and would die to just be forced to. Unfortunately, he couldn’t admit that he was the one that liked men, but that was irrelevant. “But that would insinuate you have your room in my mansion, since I brought the food”, Ronan answered. That was only partially true, but as his gaze fell upward and he discovered parts of Olette’s deer, he was content with just that. “And theoretically, you don’t even have a bed in your room. What would you even do if you found a girl out here?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.