[2er RPG] The Shepherd [ENG]

"I had an accident."
What?!
Marcus scanned Logan top to bottom. He noticed the wrinkles in his shirt but he never thought that it could be because of bandages. Within a split second, Marcus' head was filled with all the emotions he tried to surpress and even more. For a second, he looked for words he could use without shouting them.
"Okay", he said and forced himself to breath, "Well... If you say you're fine, I believe that."
He really tried to stay calm right now but it was hard.
"I'm glad you told me."
Breathe...
"But this is exactly what I feared for the last three days. I'm not trying to drown you in guilt or something but... I couldn't reach you. I didn't know here you are, I didn't know why you disappeared. I know it was meant to be like an escape from reality, I get that. But I was scared. And now you tell me, you had an accident."
He shook his head and grabbed Logans hand. He fixed his eyes on Longan's.
"Don't ever do this to me again. I... I don't know what I would do, if something happened to you."
His sight got blurry for a second, before he wiped the single tear away before it could go anywhere.

Logan could feel how Marcus got more upset and how he checked if Logan was really okay. Marcus didn't shout or cry, but he obviously just held himself together. He shook a little and Logan prepared in case he got punched. He hadn't mind it and he'd understand.
But then something broke through and Logan heard what he always heard after disappearing. Marcus war right, Logan not able to be reached, that was the whole point. And Logan couldn't promise to never vanish like that again, he just couldn't. He left because he was sure, that was the least damage he could have done. If he had stayed he may have said something he'd regretted shortly after.
Marcus held Logans hand still and he noticed the little tear in the corner of his eye, but he couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear.
Logan couldn't bare Marcus gaze anymore and looked away. He felt guilty, but he wouldn't change anything either. He wasn't someone who talked about his problems, this was his way to get some space and another point of view.
"I'm sorry... If I had been able to reach you, I would have come home straight away. But I needed the time."

"I get that. I really get that. And I'm not telling you to never do that again. I'm just asking you to leave a note next time. And... some kind of way to reach you. An emergency phone or something. Only my number on it. I won't tell anyone. I won't bother you. I promise..."
Marcus should his head. He sounded like a desperate teenage girl. This was ridicolous.
He stood up and went back to the kitchen to bring back his mug. And then he wandered through the house. There was too much going on inside him. Not necessarily thoughts. It was more a mix of memories, repressed emotions and the new ones from this situation. The last three days just kinda colapsed on him. For a moment, there were tears and silent screams and almost physical pain from all that. But Marcus pulled himself together and went back to his normal self, at least on the outside, before he went back to Logan.
"I have the updated files in the office upstairs, if you wanna take a look. Andrew and I are still talking to all the staff from prison, so if you wanna tag along... We're leaving at nine."
He looked a little lost for a second. Then he crouched don in front of Logan.
"Show me", he demanded and nodded towards Logan's Arms.

It wasn't about Marcus maybe bothering Logan. It was about Logan not wanting to talk to anyone. But with his phone ready he just had called... It was stupid...
Marcus started wandering around, he clearly had a lot on his plate right now and Logan wasn't sure if it wasn't better Marcus just let it out at him. Logans head hurt even more now and he just sat there, waiting for Marcus to be ready to talk again.
He came over and talked about work. Logan was a little bit startled. "Uh... no work today, my head hurts. Let's see how I'm feeling tomorrow morning.", he answered watching Marcus get on his knees before him.
Marcus asked Logan to show the result of his little accident and Logan got out of his shirt. The bandages covered both his lower arms and he also had a patch on his side. He also had some bandages on his legs, but Marcus couldn't see that.
He opened the one on his left arm and pulled the bandage down a little bit. It was just some grazes, his clothes took the most damage. And not even his face got hurt. "They'll be gone in a few days. They just put that on so no dirt comes inside and I don't accidentally open them up again. It happened really fast, I don't know what happened exactly. I heard a click, I lost control and the next moment I laid on the ground. It is my fault for not properly fixing that bike. Some elder woman was driving behind me and stopped. She called an ambulance."

Marcus nodded.
"And you probably have a concusion, right?"
With a small sigh he got up again.
"C'mon. You need rest. Oh, and... remember the words 'bear', 'pitchfork', 'strawberry' and 'thunderstorm'. I'm gonna wake you up in two hours and ask you. You know: standard concusion protocol."
Was he angry? Probably. Frustrated? A bit. Worried? Definitely. But all that didn't matter right now. Logan was back and he was hurt. So he would take care of him as good as he was able to.

Marcus lay next to Logan in bed and couldn't take his eyes off of him. And he constantly fiddled with his fingers to make sure, he was really there.
After two hours, Marcus woke his boyfriend up as promised. Logan had to repeat the four words and to memorize four new ones, before he was allowed to go back to sleep. They played this game all night long. marcus didn't sleep. He was too worried that Logan might stop breathing or couldn't remember the words or what not. He knew way too much about brain injuries since he researched what his father had done to his brother. It was scary, really. But frankly, everything seemed to check out okay with Logan. With every passing test, he relaxed more until he fell asleep an slept though Logans final test for the "night", right before dawn.

Logan listened to these words and wasn't sure if he even could remember them when not having this kind of headache. Well, he tried, but Marcus worried too much. "If the doctors in the hospital had thought I needed supervision, they hadn't let me go in the first place.", he remembered Marcus sighing. "Waking me up in two hours is just evil..." But there wasn't anything he could say to convince Marcus otherwise, so he just followed him to bed.

He actually woke him up every two hours and half asleep Logan cited the words and tried to remember new ones. Sometimes he wasn't even sure if he only dreamed of new words, but everything worked out fine. In the morning he woke up from the doorbell, still having a slight headache. Marcus woke up too, instantly of course, but Logan also tried to get up.
"That must be the soundproof guy... whatever... right?", he asked yawning, searching for something to wear. It was unusual for Marcus to sleep in, but he probably hadn't slept at all last night. He was way too worried, Logan was fine after all. He overreacted in Logans opinion.

Marcus tried to focus after a second of confusion. He looked at his phone and silenty cursed a childfriendly phrase from a show called Voltron, before he got up.
"That's Andrew! We wanted to talk to some prison staff members, remember? The soundproofing guy is coming this afternoon around three."
He ran downstairs to great Andrew, who looked like always: ready to have a ball or something.
"Since when do you sleep in?", he asked while accompanying Marcus in the kitchen, making coffee.
"Since my lost boyfriend comes home with a concusion and I'm his nurse", Marcus replied.
"Ah! So where's the patient?"
"Upstairs, looking for pants."

Marcus left Andrew for a second alone, while he took a quick shower and hopped into some fresh clothes. He noticed, that he needed a haircut when he skipped shaving. Which he probably should do, too, from time to time.
"Do you wanna stay here?", Marcus asked Logan, while putting on his sneakers.

Marcus ran out of the room while Logan still tried to figure out where his clothes were at. Having moved most furniture out of the room didn't help. Also his head still hurt and he felt a little dizzy. After putting on some clothes, Logan walked downstairs where Andrew was handing him a cup of coffee and Logan gladly took it and sat down. Andrew didn't say much neither did Logan. He felt judged but that probably was only his own conscience which made him feel like that. Marcus took a shower meanwhile.

"Uh.. I can come.", Logan answered after Marcus asked him if he wanted to join them. Logan wasn't to keen about sitting around all day and Andrew was here to drive so everything should be fine. And he should probably work now, after he just disappeared. Good thing all of the Shephards had their little problems from time to time and Mike couldn't just fire Logan... probably. "Just gimme a sec."

Aftre Logan was ready - he was as fast as he could - they left the house. Logan sat down in the back of the car, Andrew drove and Marcus sat in the front. The ex soldier looked out of the window, sipping on his coffee which Marcus put in a thermos flask for him. He felt worse than yesterday and the movement of the car made him feel slightly sick. But Marcus and Logan both weren't the type to just chill.
"So what exactly did you figure out while I was gone?", Logan asked from the back. Marcus probably didn't do anything other than working.

Marcus wasn't everything but peased with Logan's answer but he didn't put in a veto. Logan was grown man, he knew his limits. So he just jumped in the car, resting his head agains the cold glass as usual.

"Not much, to be honest. We made a baseplan, covering every little bit that could give us a hint on Miller's plans. It's the first time we can actually get detailed information, so that's what we do. We will not find him until he strikes again. But knowing where he was will help figuring out where he will go and that's what we need", Marcus explained.
He was not very happy about that but they had no other choice. They had to lay down and wait for their prey to make another move. Being the one predator who feed on predators wasn't always pretty. But someone had to do it.

"Ok.", Logan simply answered after Marcus brief report. There wasn't really much Logan could do to help, after everything they got to know about Miller and have seen happening, Logan still was surprised about what happened. He got the why somehow, but not entirely and his head hurt too much to actually think more about it. Marcus and Andrew were better at this anyway. If Miller really challenged Marcus they probably won't wait long for the next thing to happen.

They drove quietly and Logan felt Marcus unease about him coming with them. Well he shouldn't have asked if he didn't want him here. Logan gladly hopped out of the car after they arrived and sucked in the fresh air. He took a moment, then he followed Marcus and Andrew inside.

"You good?", Andrew asked Logan, while they were tailing Marcus, who stood at the front door of their witness, "Marcus told me, you had an accident. Head injuries shouldn't be treated lightly."
Of course Andrew wanted to talk about something different, but he knew better than to straight out ask for it. There was a reason, he was paired up with Marcus, but he was the guy for everyone in the team.

Marcus knew, his partners were talking. And he was glad. He had no idea how to deal with the situation, Logan an him were in. Usually he was the one running away, shutting down, isolating himself.
So he stood a couple of feet away from them on the door, waiting for it to be opened. The prison guard took his sweet ass time. But ultimately, a chubby guy with short black hair and a black beard opened the door. Marcus' first thought was of a dwarf in The Hobbit. Of course he didn't say anything. Instead, he introduced himself and the other two and told the guy, why they were here. The man nodded slightly confused and let them in.
The house was boring. This guy lived with his mom, who needed a caretaker beacuse of a stroke she had a couple of years ago. The house was filled with her personality, though. Which was the typical old lady style of living. There were pictures of her three sons all over the place, old flower designs on the pillows, couches and curtains, and porcelain dolls in cabinets made of dark wood. Marcus sucked everything in. You never know when a creepy doll is just that or the reason for an evil plan of world domination.
Marcus and the other two sat down in the ugly living room, while the guard made coffee for all of them. Favored police tactic: let your witness aka suspect do the drinks. They felt comfortable doing that and it gave them a feeling of controll or something.
They got through the questions pretty fast and just like the other seven guards Marcus has questioned the last three days, this guy was not helping at all. They all said the same, everything was boring ass normal until the bomb went off. This was frustrating!
But Marcus kept his cool and after a polite talk with the guard, they left. On the way to their car, Marcus pulled some gum out of a pocket. Since the prison he was constantyl chewing on one every time he longed for a cigarette.
"This is leading nowhere", he said, when they got back into the car and Andrew drove down the road back home, "And I can't get into the mindset of this guy. I just can't think like a soldier."

Logan looked at Andrew and sighed. "Don't worry. I'm alright.", he answered unconsciously pulling down his shirt a little. Logan didn't want to talk about any of this. Not with Marcus, Andrew or some shrink. He was able to deal with his problems himself. He didn't say anything else and after the door was opened, they entered.

Logan gladly took the cup of coffee and sat still on the couch to listen. His head still hurt but he tried to concentrate although this wasn't useful at all in the end. They left again and sat back in the car. Marcus seemed upset.
"He's not.", Logan commented from behind and leaned forward a little. "This is a game to Miller as anything else. But it's not about winning, it's about playing. He'll always take the most difficult path to show off. At least that's my opinion on him. He didn't act like a soldier back then and he didn't in the prison. He could have just left but instead he mocked me."

"So he's playing a game...", Marcus repeated and thought about it.
The pieces in his head started to connect. Some of it made more sense this way. They weren't looking for soldier. They were looking for a gamer.
A couple of minutes, there was nothing but silence. Andrew was intelligent enough to not disturb the flow of thoughts in this confined space. Marcus was thinking, piecing the puzzle together bit by bit.
"New plan", Marcus suddenly said, "No more door knocking, that won't get us anywhere. Miller is playing a game only he knows the rules for. So we're gonna force him to change them. He needs someone to play with. Any ideas?"

Again there was silence a few minutes until Marcus said something again. "I think he already has someone he's playing with and that's you Marcus. He mentioned Dylan and we already figured the bombing at the ice cream shop was timed, right?", Logan said leaning forward again.
"I'm not so sure about the timing, but he knew you two and Dylan were there at the time afterwards. So I guess at least he must have looked into you."
"He has the same condition as you Marcus, I guess he thinks everyone else wouldn't be worth the work, that's my opinion."
"So you think he wants to show the world that even Marcus can't catch him?"
"Yeah but that means there has to be something to find. I mean what game would that make if there was zero chance of loosing. He won't go on a suicide mission but the more clues he leaves the bigger his win."
Andrew thought about it for a moment before he said one mpre thing.
"So he knows how your brain works and he knows you to some extent, if anyone knows where your blindspots are it is probably this man. This information overflow and the number of people involved, maybe that's the problem."

Marcus followed the conversation.
"He purposefully created this situation", he concluded, "to increase the overflow."
He leaned back and looked outside the window. If Miller was really playing with him and wanted to exploit his blindspots...
"I need someone to watch my blindside", he said, "I can't see it, so I need someone who does. At the same time, we need to find the mistakes he makes on purpose. We need to change the game... I'm gonna play, but I'm not going to be the one who's making the calls. Someone else needs to do that. He thinks, he's battleing my brain, my decisions. But I'm just gonna be the face. Someone else needs to decide. Who wants to be Player Two?"

Silence followed and Logan leaned back again. He didn't want to do that, he wasn't good at finding clues, he didn't want to load another pile of responsibility on himself. Andrew was a too good guy to say anything so he kept quiet too, at least he felt he shouldn't talk to Logan now with Marcus sitting in the car too.
But he didn't need to anyway, cause Logan knew what Andrew was about to say and he knew he was right. Logan was one of the rare specimen which could beat Marcus in a fair fight because he was able to rely only on his instincts, not giving away his intends. He thought completley different from him but still knew him well.
"This job is too big to just listen to my gut feeling. I didn't get a hold of him in prison, clearly I failed. So Andrew, you'll do it."

Andrew chuckled and shook his head.
"There's no easy way out, my friend. I think just as much with my head as Marcus. I practically don't have a gut feeling after all the scientific studies I've read. No, you are the only one who can do it. Because you know exactly what Marcus would do while your way of thinking is the exact opposite. Yes, Miller escaped the first time. So what. You didn't see him and you weren't expecting him to actually be there. We all make mistakes. Use that anger you currently have towards yourself and point it at Miller. Use it as a weapon like we always do on a job."
Marcus didn't say a word. He knew, he couldn't say anything. He had to play this game either way but their chances of winning it were higher, if Logan would finally engage in this case. Of course, Marcus wasn't happy that Miller escaped and he got the whole guilt thing, Logan did. Marcus did it all the time when he himself screwed up during a case. But like Andrew said: He took his anger and used it as a weapon against those responsible for it in the first place.

Logan sighed. "I guess I have no choice, or Mike actually decides to fire me... and I'm not entirely sure what that includes other than loosing my job. But... not today, I'm sorry, my head is killing me. I don't even know where to begin thinking about this, I have just one crazy little idea, but that may come from hitting my head and we'll only have to resort to this if I don't find anything else. I didn't look at the data from the prison, so I'll do that tomorrow." Logan leaned back again and tried to keep his mind off of this case for now. He needed to rest, his head felt like it was on fire and he knew it wasn't the best idea to join today. Hopefully he could get some rest before this soundproof guy was coming.
"If and only if I'm not able to find anything, we may have to seemingly take Marcus off of this game. If Miller looses his play pal he may very well act again, I don't know if we'd like that though. Just so you have something to think about."

After they reached home Logan dropped on the couch in their living room and closed his eyes. His head felt like it was on fire, but he couldn't take his mind off this case, now that he was back and needed.
"Cuddle me!", he demanded from his boyfriend. He knew he was kinda hard to deal with lately and he wanted to apologize. But while he watched Marcus come to him a thought among other thoughts seemed louder and Logan had to think about that idea. "Chance...", he murmured, then looked up.
"What if he uses some kind of chance? You can't stop your brain from being logical and predicting, neither can he, Miller I mean. Chance, you can't predict a dice roll or something like that. I mean, you can but not with absolute certainty. If he wants to play with you and prove that your intelligence is useless, maybe that's how he chooses time and place or whatever. His brain would probably form some kind of algorithm and if a game is what he wants you have to be able to find that, else it wouldn't be a game. Maybe lottery numbers? Does that make sense or is the concussion speaking?"

@Insane Pumpkin

Marcus watched his boyfriend very closely after Andrew had left. Logan didn't look so well.
"Cuddle me!", Logan sounded like a little kid.
"You actually don't deserve that, you know?", Marcus said, while getting a glass of water and some aspirin for his man, before sitting down next to his legs.
For a second, he just looked at Logan. Then he shook his head an lay down next to him, putting his head on Logans chest.
"Algorithms are Stan's thing, not mine. But we should look into that. At this point, any idea is a good idea", he responded to Logans theory, which was actually quite good, "But not now. Not today. We'll work on monday. The soundproofing guy is coming in a couple of hours and as soon as he's gone, we're gonna have a chill weekend. Dylan won't here until dinner towmorrow. So you have some time to relax. If you need anything, tell me, okay? I'm here for you."
He planted a kiss on Logans cheek, glad that he had him back. Of course he was still angry for him just disappearing like that and then actually have an accident, but the big thing - the important thing - was that Logan was back and he was somewhat fine. Marcus didn't realize how much he needed Logan to be alright until now. So he would do everything in his power to make sure that he was.

"You can say 'I told you so' as often as you want in exchange...", Logan smiled and spread his arms, he wanted Marcus close, not jut next to his legs. Marcus placed his head on Logans chest and Logan put his arms around him. His rips hurt a little, but it wasn't as bad as Marcus made it look.
"Since when do you postpone work? You sure, I'm the one who hit his head?", Logan asked smiling, but he was more then okay with it. He could use the time with Marcus. Although he more or less wanted to get away from him a few days ago, he now wanted him as close as possible and he really had missed him.
"You wanna watch a movie until this guy is here? We haven't done that in a long time, not alone. I can't promise I won't fall asleep, but I can try. I'm sure you have still tons of movies left you want me to finally watch, right?", he suggested after he got a kiss. He wasn't sure if Marcus was hiding his anger because Logan looked as bad as he felt though. He didn't want to fight.